Mercedes Jones's Diary
by secondchances2014
Summary: Quirky thirty-something Mercedes has it all, great job, great friends and a flat in the greatest city in the world, London. What more could a girl like her possibly want? Despite her legendary ability for making bad first impressions and terrible decisions, her impossible mother thinks she may know just the thing... British!Samcedes (comedy inspired by Bridget Jones's Diary)
1. Prologue: Have You Met Miss Jones?

**_Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Glee or any of the dialogue from the film Bridget Jones's Diary on which this fic is loosely and sometimes not quite so loosely inspired by. (I just wanted to not have to write in an American voice, which I'm not that good at doing anyway.)_**

**_This fic was started in April 2012 and is the one I had the most fun writing._**

**_As this is the prologue it begins exactly the same way as the film. M rating is for future chapters. I can't write actual smut (although I might try a little this time round) but there are definitely sexual references and swearing._**

**_Just a note that although the fic is in third person, the sections in italics are Mercedes' personal narrative and/or diary entries_**

* * *

_It all began on New Year's Day in my 32nd_ _year of being single._

_Once again, I found myself on my own and going to my mother's annual Turkey Curry Buffet. Every year she tries to fix me up with some bushy-haired middle aged bore and I feared this year would be no exception._

Mercedes kicked her boots on the front step of her parents' house to remove as much snow from them as possible before taking a deep breath and pushing the doorbell. She gritted her teeth at the sound of the chime that rang for precisely three seconds too long and straightened her spine for the moment she had been dreading for the entire journey up.

"There you are dumpling!"

Her heart sank. Not even through the front door yet and it had already begun. To anyone on the outside it sounded like a term of endearment. To Mercedes it was just her mother telling her that she's lumpy and heavy like the dumplings she makes in her stews. As a result, to be the complete opposite of her mother, Mercedes always made the lightest fluffiest dumplings known to man and was famous for them. She reluctantly received the air kisses and stepped inside the home where she grew up, forcing a smile at her mother.

It was a poorly concealed fact that Camille Moreau-Jones was frustrated with the way that her daughter had turned out. Camille had always been somewhat of a snob, loving the fact that like her father before her, she'd been born in Switzerland, moving to the England at the age of six. And despite being one of the few black students in her posh private school, had used the fact that she was fluent in French, German, Italian and Spanish as well as being exceptionally pretty and dainty, to force her popularity. It worked like a charm and she lived the life of a social butterfly until accidentally getting carried away with someone who she'd just thought was just a cute piece of fun in her friend's circle had suddenly landed her with an unexpected pregnancy at the age of 23, rapidly followed by the new surname of Jones, when all of her friends were still out and about making their mark on society. She resented having to take a name as common as Jones and insisted on keeping hers and adding the hyphen. She'd expected the child, which had turned out to be her only one, to be a miniature version of herself. Sadly she was very wrong.

Mercedes was very much her father's daughter. The only things she took from Camille were the chocolate drop brown eyes. The rest was all Gregory Alexander Jones. She'd inherited his darker skin tone, heavy body structure and relaxed to the point of lazy attitude towards dress, grooming and the opposite sex. It frustrated Camille no end and caused her to make it her life's mission for her only child to at least marry well.

So far it had proved to be 'mission impossible.'

"Camille! Where should I put the vol-au-vents? "

"On the side table Emma! Next to the blinis!"

Mercedes cringed. Emma was her mother's best friend from the Women's Institute. Nobody even goes to things like the Women's Institute anymore. It's a dying breed. Except for her mother. And the need that she felt to go there and 'represent'. And all the edibles that they produced! Yes to the lighter than air Victoria sandwich cakes and scones from their bake sales, but _hell to the no _to the time warp seventies food that her mother loved to dish up when she entertained. She didn't doubt that somewhere in that kitchen there was a Blackforest Gateaux. It had been less than twenty seconds and she was already fighting the urge to turn around and run out screaming back into the snow.

Surely it couldn't get any worse?

Her mother shot her a knowing look, "By the way, the Evans' are here." Her tone was that hushed conspiratorial one which meant trouble of the worst possible kind. And together with that sinister smile, she knew she was definitely going to be in trouble. "They brought _Sam_ with them."

Mercedes closed her eyes in an attempt to hide the three-hundred and sixty degree roll that they were currently attempting. _Ah, here we go. Less than thirty seconds through the door and I haven't even taken off my coat and scarf yet…_

"You remember Sam. You used to play in his paddling pool! This was all before they moved to America for all those years. He stayed on after they came back and went to law school before moving back a couple of years ago. He's a barrister. Very well off."

"No. I don't remember." She unraveled the scarf from her neck and started to shuffle out of her coat.

"He's divorced. His wife was Chinese. Very cruel race-"

She opened her mouth to point out the sheer offensiveness of that statement, together with the fact that one of her closest friends, Tina, also happened to be Chinese, but her mum didn't even pause, instead casting a disapproving look at the trousers and warm comfortable top that the removal of her coat had now revealed. "Now, what are you going to put on?"

"This!" She looked down at what she was wearing. It was perfectly suitable for spending the next couple of hours in an overheated room eating food so retro it could pass for vintage and making small talk with people at least twenty years older than she was.

Camille was not impressed. "Don't be so silly! You'll never get a boyfriend if you look like you've just wandered out of Auschwitz! Now run upstairs, I've laid out something lovely on your bed."

Knowing resistance was futile Mercedes huffed as she made her way up the stairs to see what kind of monstrosity her mother had laid out for her this time. They both had polar opposite definitions of 'lovely' when it came to clothing.

Mercedes smiled as she entered her old room, memories flooding back to her. It had been years since she left but they still kept it exactly the same way, photographs of friends and posters of boybands from long ago still gracing the walls. The smile ended when her eyes dropped to the bed. The ensemble was particularly horrific, even by her mother's usually terrible standards. It looked like something whipped up from a pair of curtains, Scarlett O'Hara style in Gone With The Wind. Only Scarlet's was better.

"Here she is! _My Mercedes_!"

She groaned inwardly. Wherever she was, he was _always_ the first to spot her entering a room. And today was worse than ever because she hadn't yet made it to the drinks table to pour herself some Dutch courage. "Hi uncle Will!"

She really hoped that her grimace came across more as a smile as he leaned to peck her cheek. "Have a drink? No? Come on then, I'll take you." Will Schuester was no relative at all. Especially evident when he was as white as the snow outside, with greying curling hair that was losing the battle against the ever increasing bald patch it surrounded. He was, in fact, married to Emma from the WI. Repulsive and married as he was, he insisted on her calling him 'Uncle' while he groped her ass at every opportunity and, as he poured champagne into a glass of orange, asked the question that all singletons like herself dreaded…

"So, how's your love life?"

She forced another grin and spoke through the gritted teeth, "Great! Thanks Uncle Will!" She held it firmly in place as she accepted the glass of Bucks Fizz that she really didn't want.

"Still no fellow then, eh? All right then."

They were joined by Emma who had to have her say. "You career girls. Can't put it off forever you know! _Tick tock, tick tock!_"

She turned and found her salvation standing quietly in a corner wearing a comfortable cardigan, cigarette in one hand, and an entire bottle of wine in the other. She was most _definitely_ her father's daughter! "Hullo dad!"

His eyes lit up completely when he saw her, "Hello darling!" She reached up to kiss him as he put his arm around her, "How's it going?"

"Torture!" was his instant response. Without asking he immediately tucked his bottle under his arm, lit a cigarette and handed it to her. "Your mother's trying to fix you up with some divorcee. Human rights barrister. Pretty nasty beast apparently."

She scanned the room in an attempt to find out who her mother's latest victim was, and saw Mr and Mrs Evans talking to a younger man. He was facing away from her but the firm body in the polo-neck jumper and the curve of his butt in his trousers had already caught her attention, as had his blonde brown hair which was cut just so, ending at the nape of his neck.

_Whew!_

_Ding Dong!_

_Maybe this time mum had got it right!_

As was her habit, the woman materialized from nowhere carrying a tray of mini blinis. She grabbed Mercedes with a smile. "Come on, let's see if Sam wants a blini! We've just made these salmon ones fresh."

_If Sam was in his right mind there was no way on earth he would touch a blini when there was real food available._

She shot her dad one final glance of desperation and he mouthed 'Good luck' at her as she was dragged away by her mum. "Sam?" she called as they reached closer with the offending tray.

_Maybe this was the mysterious Mr Right I've been waiting my whole life to meet…_

He turned slowly and she was lost in a pair of the greenest eyes she had ever seen. His hair was light brown, almost blonde at the tips, his eyes had a cute crinkle in the corners and his full lips were clearly there simply to be sucked and bitten on. She'd never seen lips like that on a white guy before but it most definitely worked. And despite having only just clapped eyes on him for the first time, was more than happy to ignore her dad's forewarning that he was a nasty piece of work and see just what kind of magic he would work with those aforementioned lips. It wouldn't take long to come up with a list of things that she _definitely_ wouldn't mind him doing to her with them. Unfortunately, in an attempt to take a second glance at that hot body she'd seen from behind, she cast her eyes down at the awful Rudolph the red nosed reindeer jumper that he was sporting.

_Or aybe not…_

The mood was instantly killed. He looked like his mother had dressed him.

"You remember Mercedes!" said her mother with a smile. He silently looked on at the older woman with an indeterminate expression on his face which she clearly took as an invitation to continue. "She used to run around your lawn with no clothes on. Remember?"

Mercedes had to look away out of sheer mortification. Finally he found his voice.

"Er, no. Not as such."

The uncomfortable moment was broken by Emma who appeared out of nowhere with a voice full of fake enthusiasm. "Come and look at your gravy Cam. I think it's going to need sieving!"

"Of course it doesn't need sieving. Just stir it Emma!"

Mercedes felt like the temperature in the room went up by a hundred degrees as Una nodded her head at both her and Sam before making eyes at her mother and jerking her head towards the kitchen in the least subtle attempt at hinting at leaving them alone for a bit of matchmaking known to man. Finally, after what felt like a lifetime, her mum finally got the message.

"Ah yes… Of course... I'll be right there. Sorry, lumpy gravy calls!" Discretion and subtlety were never her strong point, and this time she clearly wasn't even bothering as she flustered her way back to the kitchen, leaving her alone with Sam.

"So-"  
"So-"

_Dammit! Now I have to think of something to make conversation because this guy wasn't exactly chomping at the bit to start speaking!_

"You have an American accent!" _Yay for stating the obvious!_

"I grew up in Ohio."

"So are you staying at your parent's for New Year?"

"Yes. And you?" He was eyeing her suspiciously. She didn't blame him after that particularly mortifying introduction.

"Oh, no. No. I was in London at a party last night. So I'm afraid I'm a bit hung over. Wish I could be lying with my head in a toilet like most normal people." She could feel the nerves forcing words to come out of her mouth and knew it was totally out of control. And now the nervous laugh and body twitching had started. This was _not_ the way to make a good first impression. She was leaning forward into his personal space now, and yet the words just kept of flowing, "New Year's resolution: Drink less. Oh, and stop smoking."

She looked down at her hands, drink in one and lit cigarette in the other and cringed internally as the hysterical laughter got louder. "Ooops! And keep New Year's resolutions."

Again with the stupid laugh. She wished the ground would just open so she could die instantly. But all that happened was a continuation of the stupid giggle. "And stop talking nonsense to complete strangers!" She reached and touched his chest with the hand that was holding her drink and glimpsed his expression of complete mortification at being touched. But the words just wouldn't stop coming. "In fact, stop talking full stop!" _Was that out loud too? Oh shit, yes it was!_

Poor Sam looked beyond uncomfortable. "Yes, well… perhaps it's time to eat."

Something in his facial expression said to her that he was desperately hoping that if she had food in her mouth it might just possibly stop her from speaking. It sounded like an excellent plan. Before she could respond in the affirmative he'd already walked off leaving her feeling like a complete lemon.

She found him talking with his mother in hushed tones. As she started to approach she heard his voice raise slightly. "Mother, I do _not_ need a blind date. Particularly not with some verbally incontinent spinster who smokes like a chimney, dinks like a fish and dresses like her mother!"

She froze to the spot, curry spoon poised above her plate, staring at the back of their heads, his words cutting her like a knife through her heart. She knew she hadn't created the best first impression but she had no idea that he was so _cruel! _Her dad had been completely correct in his assessment that the man was a nasty piece of work. As if feeling the intensity of her stare they both simultaneously turned their heads back towards her.

Mercedes tried to style it out as best she could, pretending that she hadn't heard his hurtful words, yet another fake smile plastered on her face. "Yummy. Turkey curry! My favourite!"

But the pain was oh so real.

The whole world stopped.

_And that was it! Right there... THAT was the moment._

_I suddenly realized that unless something changed soon, I was going to live a life where my major relationship was with a bottle of wine._

_And that I'd finally die, fat and alone… And be found three weeks later, half eaten by Alsatians. _

_Or I was about to turn into Glen Close in Fatal Attraction._

_And so, at 9.57 that night, a bloody Friday no less, sitting alone in my flat, wearing the least sexy pair of Snoopy pajamas, downing yet another bottle of Pinot Noir and mouthing along to Jamie O'Neal's version of All By Myself I made a decision._

_It was now 1999. We're staring the bloody new Millenium on the face, and I had to make sure that next year I wouldn't end up shit-faced and listening to Sad FM, easy listening for the over 30s. I decided to write a diary. To tell the truth about Mercedes Jones. The Whole Truth._

_Here goes…_

_1st January 2000_

_Dear Diary,_

_Weight: 169lb_

_Cigarettes: 28 (stressful day)_

_Alcohol units: 5 (stressful day)_

_Clearly time to start work on making those New Year resolutions!_

_Resolution number one: Obviously will lose 30pounds! Resolution number two: Always put last night's knickers in the laundry basket. Resolution number three: Give up smoking._

_Equally important, find nice normal guy to go out with and not continue to form romantic attachments to any of the following: Alcoholics, Workaholics, Commitment phobics, Peeping Toms, Meglomaniacs, Emotional fuckwits or Perverts._

_And especially will not fantasize about a particular person who embodies all these things…_

_In a tall, dark and dashingly handsome persona._

_My boss. The one and only…_

_Finn Hudson._


	2. Broken Resolutions

_3rd January 1999 (First day back at work)_

_Dear Diary_

_I'm not doing well on my resolutions. Why? Because of one man._

_Finn Hudson. the man that I spend all day every day fantasizing over. He, who in turn, will never look twice at me. He's got me drinking, smoking and looking for all other forms of distraction. Despite all my resolutions, why can I not seem to get him out of my head? I've sat at my desk outside his plexiglass walled office for long enough for him to notice me if he was ever going to. But for various slightly unfair reasons relating to this year's Christmas party, I suspect that he does NOT fantasize about me! We'd been doing 'table top' karaoke and just as I was about to dazzle him with my amazing diva voice (because yes it is totally diva), those damn bubbles in the champagne kicked in and I lost my footing, resulting in an inadvertent crowd surfing moment culminating in the need for plasters from the first aid box._

_But maybe today might just be my lucky day…_

Mercedes looked across the open plan office to see a huge whale of a man in thick glasses shambling his way across the room towards Finn's office.

"Happy New Year MrFitzherbert!" She cringed internally as he unashamedly mentally undressed her as he walked past her desk.

"Happy New Year Porsche!" His voice held a fake enthusiasm.

_Mr Fitzherbert... 'Tits Pervert' more like! Finn's boss who stares freely at my breasts with absoloutely no idea who I am or what I do! It was pointless trying to correct him on the simple matter of my name. It always defaults back to Porsche anyway._

Mercedes was pulled from her thoughts by the feel of a glare from the older woman sitting across from her, holding a phone up to her ear. "Morning Mercedes! I need the final draft of that press release by 11!"

Mercedes looked across her desk at the prematurely ageing redhead and sighed. _Sue Sylvester. Slightly (ahem) older and more senior than me and therefore thinks she's totally in charge of me. Most of the time I just want to staple things to her head..._

She was pulled out of her thoughts of creative ways to inflict pain by the sound of her desk phone ringing. The voice on the other side didn't even give her a chance to say 'hello' before she started.

"All I asked is if we could go away for a minibreak to Paris..." _Daily call from Tina, best friend. Head of investment at Brightlings Bank who spends most of her time trapped in the ladies toilet crying over fuckwit boyfriend._

"Am I too needy? Am I co-dependent?"

Mercedes sighed. They had this conversation at least once a week. She had the words completely memorized. "No you're not. It's not you. You're lovely. It's vile Sebastian. Ugh! He's just a vile dickhead with no dick-"

She looked up to see Finn standing in front of her with a smile on his face, clearly listening to and enjoying her conversation. If there was time to curl up and die she would but she needed to think faster than that. "-is some people's opinion of Sir Anthony, which is why I have made sure there is no mention of his name in the press release. Thank you for calling to confirm that Mr Andrews."

Finn caught her rabbit caught in the headlights brown eyes with his laughing ones and handed her two sheets of paper. "Guest list for the launch party."

"Thanks!" She quickly grabbed the papers from him and averted her eyes in an attempt to hide the hot flush that was flooding through her body from his mere close proximity. Today's suit was tailored to perfection, and he'd done away with his tie, opting to work with his collar open and chest ever so slightly exposed. With any luck he would quickly go back to his desk where she could ogle him in complete safety through the plexiglass.

But luck was not going to be on her side today. After taking a couple of steps away from her desk he turned back towards her with an exaggerated frown. "Was that our nemesis Andrews you were talking to?"

She forced a smile despite the heavy sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach as she nodded slowly. "Uh huh!" _Just go with it…_

He widened his eyes and opened his mouth in wonder. "Wow! Andrews from the third floor writing department? Little geeky chap with a severe dandruff problem?"

"Yep…" Mercedes nodded again, but this time it was a slow unsure nod.

"The same Oscar Andrews who is currently…" Finn paused to look dramatically at his watch, "…three hours into his flight to spend a month working at our newly opened Hong Kong office?"

_Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!_

"Amazing!" Finn shook his head to himself in amused disbelief and headed back to his desk.

* * *

_Cue emergency summit with urban family for coherent discussion of career crisis in some snazzy new wine bar in Canary Wharf:_

The bar was packed and the four of them sat at the last available table.

"Fuck 'em! Fuck the lot of them! Tell them they can stick fucking Andrews up their fucking asses!" Santana Lopez was in a good mood. The beautiful Latina was wearing one of her trademark little black dresses with bright red lipstick which stood in perfect contrast to her olive skin. As was her custom, her hair was up in a tight ponytail. If it was down then everyone who knew her knew to keep their heads down and stay out of trouble. The rumours of her keeping weapons in her hair when it was loose had been proven true on more than one occasion. When she was in a bad mood, Santana's speech descended into a form of curse-ridden Spanglish that nobody understood even though she was a Londoner born and bred.

Yet somehow, despite all of this, she had an excellent job as a successful journalist, proving that she could use the English language correctly if she put her mind to it. But clearly, Mercedes' recital of today's events had amused her immensely.

Mercedes turned to her other girlfriend for reassurance. "Tina, what would you do if your assistant made a harmless little mistake like that?" _Surely she would have more sympathy seeing as it was her phone call at work that landed her in this mess in the first place?_

Tina narrowed her eyes into a glare and pulled her face closer. "I'd fire you Cedes!" she said in a tone that left more than enough room for reasonable doubt that she might actually do it given the chance.

"Excellent." _This was going well…_

"Is that Hudson chap still as cute as ever?"

Mercedes downed the last of her drink with a sigh. "Oh god yes!"

Kurt licked his lips in response. He was the final member of their close knit urban family, having become friends with Mercedes in primary school, where even then it was clear that he was as gay as they came. His response was the same one he always gave. "Then I think you should suck his-"

"Noooooo…" All three females joined together in their disapproval of his suggestion. Everything came down to sex for Kurt Hummel. The porcelain skinned aspiring actor had managed to blag his way into drama school, but despite several unsuccessful bids to get serious work with his classically trained voice in the West End, he had sold out by writing and releasing a hugely selling one hit wonder pop single. He then retired because he found that one record was quite enough to get him laid for the rest of the 90s.

"So, Cedes darling, I haven't seen you since you went up to visit mummy and daddy outside of the urban jungle. How did it go?"

She rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically.

"Let me guess," grinned Tina, "Mummy put you in some outfit made out of a tea cosy and tried to set you up with some middle-aged doctor."

"Close, but not quite." Mercedes stubbed her cigarette out in the already overflowing ashtray. "The outfit was made out of a curtain and he was a barrister."

Santana shrugged. "Near enough. Cute?"

"Surprisingly yes."

All three friends subconsciously leaned in closer. "But he was a complete tosser! It didn't matter if he was better looking than Brad Pitt. The guy's head is so far up his own arse that it's lodged somewhere in his chest cavity!"

"Sounds like you're better off without him!"

"Exactly! So what if he's wealthy. If he thinks he can just swagger around with that stupid American accent of his making insults and sweeping generalizations about people he doesn't know then he's got another thing coming!"

Tina stroked her hand sympathetically. "He sounds like a complete nightmare!"

"He is!" _So why can't I just let it go and forget about him?_

Kurt took a long drag on his cigarette. "You know, what you need to do is get this Hudson bloke to give you a good hard shag, then you'll be less tense about everything else!"

Mercedes shot him a look that told him that wasn't going to happen either this or the other side of the Millennium before heading to the bar for another round of drinks hoping to obliterate the last few days from her memory.

* * *

_4th January _

_Dear Diary_

_What the hell possessed me to think that now I'm in my 30s I can hold my drink? I can't. And worse than that, which Smart Alec had the idea to go out drinking on a midweek work night? Oh yes, that would've been ME! I just wish that I would be able to get away with dark glasses in the office but I dare not let Finn or Fitzherbert catch me out again!_

_Need to do something to distract from my hangover..._

Just because she felt like crap, didn't mean that she had to look like it too.

Mercedes knew that she was looking fine as she walked past Finn's office, smoothing down her high waisted short pencil skirt that emphasized her curves like nobody's business. And teamed with killer heels, she knew that it made her shapely legs look fabulous. Sadly, not only was she fifteen minutes late, with no tube delays to blame it on, but Fitzherbert was already in the office with him, glaring at her through the plexiglass.

"Good _afternoon_ Mercedes!" Sue smiled sarcastically over at her as she slid into her seat. As usual the woman had her phone plastered to her ear. Something about a bathroom not having enough room to swing a cat. Everyone knew that she was currently house-hunting but nobody seemed to bat an eyelid at the sheer amount of personal calls the woman was making.

Fitzherbert finally left Finn's office, and even from across the room, she could feel him gazing intently at her breasts as he made his way towards the door. The man had to be long sighted or something to see them from that distance!

Just as she was about to check her virtual diary for the day, an internal email pinged up on her screen. Nothing unusual. That was, until she noticed that the name in the sender line was the one and only Finn Hudson. _What the hell did he want? He never emails me!_

Things got worse as she looked down at the subject line, only to see the words 'Serious Problem.'

This could never be good when coming immediately after a morning meeting with Fitzherbert. Last night's drinking had served to dull the memory of yesterday's faux pas, but nothing would be able to completely erase it.

With a deep breath she finally pulled together the courage to open the email. The message was short and to the point.

**From: Finn Hudson**

**To: Mercedes Jones**

**Subject: Serious Problem**

**You appear to have forgotten your skirt! Is skirt off sick?**

Mercedes made a sound that was a cross between a choke and a laugh. Out of disbelief she re-read the message before looking across to Finn in his office. He was on the phone, facing his computer and paying no attention to her whatsoever. Looking around the room, everyone, including Sue, was getting on with their own business. Nobody cared that Mercedes was blushing furiously and feeling heat in a part of her body which had recently been sadly neglected.

_Well if this is what you want Finn, then two can play this game!_

She thought carefully for a moment before tapping the keys furiously with her reply.

**From: Mercedes Jones**

**To: Finn Hudson**

**Subject: re: Serious Problem**

**Am appalled by message. Skirt is demonstrably neither sick nor absent. Appalled by management's blatantly size-ist attitude to skirt. Suggest management sick, not skirt.**

_Take that you sucker!_

Hitting send on her message felt glorious for a whole three seconds before panic set in. Should she really have said that? She watched Finn carefully through the glass. He was still talking intently on the phone. But then he leaned forward and tapped a couple of times on his keyboard, his face clearly registering surprise as he read her message.

Without ending the call he turned to face her, catching her eyes and locking her in to in intense stare. "Oh I understand that. I that completely!" The words were into the phone to his caller but Mercedes knew that they were actually for her too.

* * *

_11th January_

_Weight: 167 pounds_

_Cigarettes: 17_

_Alcohol units 3 (I am trying to be a good girl… ish…)_

_Very bad start to the year! Have been seduced by informality of messaging medium into flirting with office scoundrel! Will persevere, with resolution to find a nice, sensible man. Will put a stop to flirting… first thing tomorrow!_

_Good plan…_

Mercedes walked into the office in her shortest skirt yet. It was one that she hadn't worn in a long time. Since she had put on weight it clung to her ass like nobody's business. But now that she'd noticed Finn staring at her ass on numerous occasions, she thought it only right that he actually have something worth looking at for a change. Teamed with a vintage style pair of tights with a fake seam down the back of each leg and her killer heels she knew she was playing with fire. But she just couldn't put those damn matches back down now that she had taken them out of the box!

This time the skirt was teamed up with a shirt with one button too many open, revealing the smallest flash of her favourite purple bra. Her freshly tonged hair was spritzed into a Farrah Fawcett flick which she'd become adept at flicking over one shoulder whenever she drew eye level with him.

Despite being in a meeting with four department heads, Finn made no attempt to hide the fact that he was staring at her as she walked past for the third time clutching a file. She could have done the journey once, bringing all three files with her at the same time, but where was the fun in that? This was the most male attention she'd had in a long time and she was going to milk it for all that it was worth. And the fact that it was coming from the luscious Finn Hudson... Sod all the other women previously seen through the glass wall. Once he had a taste of her he would never be going back!

**To: Mercedes Jones**

**From: Finn Hudson**

**Subject: I am now quite alarmed!**

**If repeatedly walking past office was an attempt to demonstrate presence of skirt, I can only say that it has completely and utterly failed.**

**To: Finn Hudson**

**From: Mercedes Jones**

**Subject: re: I am now quite alarmed!**

**Shut up please. I am very busy working on something important.**  
**P.S. How dare you sexually harass me in this impertinent manner!**

**To: Mercedes Jones**

**From: Finn Hudson**

**Subject: re: I am now quite alarmed!**

**Mortified to have caused offence. Will avoid all non-PC overtones in future. Deeply apologetic.**  
**P.S. Like your tits in that blouse!**

Mercedes bit her lip in an attempt to fight the smile that was growing on her mouth. _Mustn't read too much into this… Tumm ta tatummm…_

She hummed the wedding march to herself as she imagined being surrounded by her friends and family at their wedding. Of course, Finn would have to say something in his speech about how it all started with some very irresponsible emailing over her non-existent skirt.._._

She quickly shook her head and brought herself back to reality. Other than eye sexing her at her desk through the glass of his office, they had had no other 'non-virtual' contact. This particular piece of hotness  
was going to remain firmly in cyberspace.

Until…

Just as the doors of the lift were closing on her and Brian from accounts to take them out of the building for the night, a strong hand gripped the door and broke the sensor, causing it to open again and in walked Finn, looking like he had just stepped out of a catalogue as per usual.

Mercedes purposely refused to make eye contact with him, and again the doors were prevented from closing. This time by Sue who was in hot pursuit of Finn. "The New York office is holding for you!"

He shot a quick look to Mercedes that she didn't understand before saying, "Yeah, just tell them that I'll get back to them."

This time the lift door did completely close and she fought back a smile as she inhaled his cologne. After an uncomfortable few seconds they stopped and Brian got out.

He leaned in closer to her "Jones…"

The universe was clearly against them because before the doors had a chance to close and allow them some privacy, Fitzherbert himself walked in.

"Evening Shane."

"Evening Finn."

By this time, he'd managed to strategically place himself behind her with his hand on the small of her waist. Her eyes widened as his hand travelled lower and within seconds he was firmly cupping her ass. What could she possibly say with Fitzherbert literally inches away from them? The sexual tension could be cut with a knife despite the fact that they both kept their faces expressionless. Plus there was also the fact that she actually kind of liked the feeling of where the hand was. What she could do with was his other hand joining it there, preferably with her back pressed up against one of the sides of the life while her legs wrapped around him. Yep. Now that was a fantasy and a half!

Within seconds they'd reached the ground floor and the larger man spoke up yet again to Finn. "If you have a minute, I'd like a word with you before I leave tonight."

"Yes. Certainly."

"Excellent."

"I'll see you in a sec." He quickly ushered Mercedes out in the opposite direction to the one Fitzherbert had taken.

"Oh and Porsche?"

"Yes?" Finn shot her a look for responding to that name and her reply was to glare back at him.

"At the launch tomorrow, it thought it might be fun if you introduce me before I go on stage. Add a lovely sense of _occasion_." He finished the sentence with a lingering stare at her breasts before turning away.

She faked a smile. "Certainly sir!"

Lost in thought at how the hell she was going to manage with public speaking, her musings were broken by a voice hissing, "_Porsche!_"

Looking up she laughed at Finn who was doing a rather poor impression of Fitzherbert. Well, all parts of the impression were poor other than the lingering stare at her breasts which he managed to get bang on.

"What are you doing tonight?" Her eyes widened at the question.

"Erm... Actually I'm busy." _Yep. I'm pretty sure there's ironing that needs to be done…_

He looked surprised. "Right. Well that's a shame. I thought I might… Well I thought it might be a charitable thing to take your skirt out to dinner and try and fatten it up a bit."

"Hmmm." She smiled, trying her best not to look too excited about the prospect as she pulled on her coat. _Don't play too easy to get!_

But he wasn't giving up. "Maybe you come too!" he added as he helped her pull her coat over her shoulders, despite the fact that she didn't actually need any help. She kept smiling and he pushed harder.

"What about tomorrow?"

"Noo! Tomorrow's the launch!"

"Yes. Of course. Launching a product that Apple beat us to three months ago!"

She smiled and started to walk away. Finn Hudson was asking her out and she was playing hard to get. _Wait until I tell Santana and the crew about this!_

He called out after her. "Next night?"

The smile that crossed her face was the largest one she'd had in a long time. "We'll see shall we!" she said as she made her way towards the revolving front door. "Night Finn!"

_Well well… Things just got really interesting…_


	3. Failure To Launch

_Cue another drinking session with the urban family: This time we were sat at one of the round tables in our favourite Pan-Asian restaurant. But now it was time for the all-important talk. How the hell was I now supposed to handle myself around Finn after his declaration to take my little skirt, with a not so little me inside it, out for dinner? After his shenanigans in the lift, the next time I would see him was going to be after work at the launch seeing as he had meetings outside the office all day tomorrow!_

"Right. What should I do?" _I was all ears on this one._

Tina was the first to weigh in. "First, look gorgeous."

_Sure. That means making an effort. I have a couple of Bic razors left in the bathroom so that's my legs and armpits sorted. The rest could be found in Kurt's as yet unused Christmas present. One of those boxes from The Body shop filled with such goodies as body polish, body scrub, exfoliating brush and strip wax for 'sensitive areas' to keep me well inside the panty line..._

_Note to self – must NOT smoke in the bath. Ash floats nastily…_

Tina wasn't finished. "Secondly, totally ignore Finn and suck up to anyone famous and good looking that you can get your hands on." _Not too difficult. I've seen the guest list and know exactly who to home in on._

Kurt ran his finger around the rim of his wine glass before meeting her eye. "Circulate," was his one word solution. In response to her questioning glance he further clarified with a whole two words, "Ooze intelligence." _Damn, that means actually reading up on current events and pretending I give a shit!_

Santana, often came up with the craziest ideas in the group. But every once in a while she would come out with something that would turn out to be pure gold. This moment was one of those moments. She smiled at Mercedes knowingly, "Introduce people with thoughtful details." She leaned back in her seat and held up the two cocktails she was currently drinking simultaneously. "For example, Patrick, this is Naomi, Naomi, this is Patrick," she clinked the two glasses together by way of introduction, "Patrick enjoys wine tasting and comes from Canada… Naomi just spent 15 grand on those fake ass looking boobs and starred-"

"-in that porno you jerked off to last night!" Kurt finished her sentence without batting an eyelid and the whole table descended into raucous laughter, earning them withering glances from diners at the other tables which they promptly ignored.

Everything was so much easier with her friends around. Without them, decisions became far more difficult. Once home alone, Mercedes stood with the contents of her underwear drawer scattered all over her bed.

_Hmmm… Major dilSue… If I actually do, by some terrible chance, end up with the opportunity of doing the deed with Hudson, surely these would be most attractive at crucial moment... _She held up a pretty black lacy thong to the light to make sure it was in fact clean, rather than randomly stuffed back in the drawer after some forgettable night out which had resulted in no recollection of getting home or undressed. _However, chances of reaching crucial moment greatly increase these… scary stomach suck it all in and hold it all up pants, large enough to house a family of four and popular with grannies the world over!_

_Hmmm… Tricky... Very tricky… But I guess it has to be big pants FTW!_

Everybody left work early that day. They all wanted to preen themselves ahead of the launch that evening and there were no Hudson or Fitzherbert to tell them that they couldn't.

Mercedes opted for her failsafe little black dress which Santana had bought her. It wasn't as short as the skirts she's been wearing into work recently, but it did wonders for her shape, emphasising her waist and sensationally skimming each curve together with the sweetheart neckline that showed the girls of beautifully without being slutty. And of course, there just had to be the tiniest hint of purple bra showing yet again...

She walked through the large hall, head held high, exuding an air of confidence that she truly didn't feel.

_Okay Mercedes. Here's how it's going to work: Ignore Finn and be absolutely fabulous with everyone else. Repeat after me: 'I am the intellectual equal of everyone else here!'_

_Bollocks!_

She quickly did a 360 of the room. _Oooh! There's that totally hot ex footballer who now has his own TV current events and sports show. Time to put my research to the test and look intelligent!_

Mercedes hastily changed the direction in which she was walking and slowly sidled her way closer to the man who was already speaking to one two of her colleagues about the prototype he'd been using and reviewed on his show. Austen Kane was the textbook definition of hotness with his deep caramel skin, hazel eyes and hair that was tight ringlets, bordering on afro but not quite, heralding his mixed heritage.

It was only after standing closely and staring adoringly at his mouth while he spoke, laughing far too loudly at his jokes and long having given up on the idea that she would be able to actually find her voice speak herself in his gorgeous presence that she spotted him. With no idea by which cruel stroke of fate it had happened, somehow she was now standing staring while the others in the group had spontaneously managed to disperse. Suddenly she was standing alone, clutching her glass, with the one and only Sam Evans walking towards her.

Her eyes reflected her shock and it took a couple of seconds before coherent words managed to find their way out of her mouth. "What are _you_ doing here?" Her voice came out little short of a sneer and she silently cursed herself. Despite everything she hadn't actually meant to sound that rude and she noticed that he flinched slightly in response to her words and tone.

"I find myself asking the same question." He replied stiffly, seeming uncomfortable yet strangely unable to stop looking at her. "I came with a colleague," was the way that he eventually finished his statement. "So how are you?"

She didn't expect the polite enquiry after her initial rudeness and was slightly taken aback. "Oh. Well, apart from being very disappointed not to see my favourite reindeer jumper again… I'm well."

His response was to continue to stare at her without even the hint of a smile at her poor attempt at humour. _Why does everything about this guy have to be so darned difficult?_ Just before she made the decision to cut her losses, give up on him and step away, Sue breezed towards them, greedily eyeing Sam up like the predatory cougar that she was.

"Anyone going to introduce me?" She asked breezily with lusty hope in her eyes and a mouthful of canapé.

_Ah, introduce people with thoughtful details. Thank you Santana! But where to go with this one?_

_"Sue, this is Sam Evans. Sam's a prematurely middle aged dickhead with a cruel-raced ex-wife!" She turned her eyes from a shocked Sue to a totally mortified Sam. "Sue's a fat assed old bag who spends her time bossing me around!" Oh yes! Their facial expressions would be priceless!_

_Or maybe not…_

_Time to fade out of fantasyland Mercedes!_

She quickly cleared her throat. "Ah, Sue... This is Sam Evans. He's a top barrister and comes from Grafton Underwood!"

Just as she was thinking of something not rude to say to introduce Sue, the older woman reached for Sam's hand. "I know you by reputation of course!"

Mercedes frowned. _Reputation?_ But before she could ask for an explanation for Sue's statement, they were joined by an exceptionally slender, exceptionally pretty green eyed blonde who immediately put her hand on Sam's shoulder in what came across as a possessive gesture. Without this woman even opening her mouth, Mercedes had already decided that she hated her.

"Ah, Quinn!" Sam was the first to speak up. He indicated towards Mercedes. "This is Mercedes Jones. Mercedes this is Quinn. Quinn is a top attorney and specializes in family law."

_Does this guy know Santana or something?_ He smiled broadly at Mercedes and made full eye contact with her. "Mercedes works in marketing and used to play naked in my paddling pool!"

He continued to stare down at her with an expression that was part smugness for getting back at her rudeness, and part realization that he suddenly had an image of her naked in his brain and was pleasantly happy with what he saw. He quickly hid his reaction by taking a sip of his wine.

"How odd!" was all that Quinn could find to say before totally ignoring her and turning to the older woman, "So Sue, how's the house-hunting going?"

"It's a total disaster. I can't even go into it with you…" The two women started walking away, continuing their conversation, leaving Mercedes and Sam standing awkwardly together, trying to avoid each other's eyes. She looked back at the other two women who now looked like they were talking about her, before looking back up at Sam. By now his attention was taken in the next room. She followed his gaze to see what had his rapt attention and noticed Finn staring back at him with an expression of shock and recognition on his face. It totally distracted him from the conversation he had been having with Austen Kane, and he quickly excused himself and vanished from sight leaving Mercedes to wonder what the hell that was all about.

"Are you ready Porsche?"

_Tits Pervert! How the hell had she forgotten that she was about to be up on stage! _She nodded silently and made her way onto the raised platform, knowing full well that his beady eyes were following her backside as she made her way up the steps. She looked down onto the crowd. Suddenly the lights were really hot and the noise was deafening. Mercedes hated public speaking but would never dream of saying no to something that she'd been asked to do. It wasn't good for the career ladder and the pay rises. She looked out again at the crowd. Nobody other than Tits Pervert was even paying any attention to her. _Nothing unusual there then!_

_Come on Mercedes! You can do this! You HAVE to do this! Just bite the bullet and go for it!_

She leaned forward and blew onto the microphone to see if it was on. There was no sound. She blew again, this time harder. Still nothing. _Nothing like a bit of technical difficulty to help with the already shredded nerves!_

She looked around but there seemed to be nobody controlling the sound system.

"Testing… One two…" There was definitely no indication that her voice was being amplified and everybody continued to ignore her.

_Let's just get this show on the road shall we!_

"Ladies and gentlemen…" Her unamplified voice was lost in the drone of a room full of conversation. She tapped the microphone and still had no response. "Ladies and gentlemen…" She tried again and was met with nothing but the angry glare of MrFitzherbert. This whole debacle was going totally tits up! He shot her a look which clearly told her if she didn't get this thing going, her job would be on the line.

_Okay. If you really want me to get the attention of a room full of loud people then I will!_

Rolling her tongue, she put her two little fingers in her mouth and pressed them either side of her rolled tongue before blowing as hard as she could and producing a whistle so loud that it would make any white van driving bum crack showing builder proud. Immediately the room fell silent and all eyes turned towards her. _Mission accomplished! Sort of…_

She looked out at the crowd and of all people, her eyes focused on Sam Evans who was using that very moment to walk towards the stage with an amused expression on his face.

"Sorry!" She knew she was shouting into the non-working microphone but it was too late to do anything about that now. She just had to go with it! "Sorry! The er… the mike's not working!" Looking out to make sure that she had everyone's rapt attention, she planted a huge smile on her face and continued. "Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much for coming this evening. On behalf of Synergy Digital Systems, I would like to welcome you to the launch of their newest innovation."

Mercedes paused as she allowed all in attendance to give a polite round of applause. _This is actually going well! I think I might just pull this off!_

"I apologise for the lack of a microphone. It clearly seems to have caught the Millenium Bug!" Not a single smile was cracked. _Shit! Clearly not the kind of joke to make to a room full of techies! Maybe they had all been lying when they said there was no such thing! Ah well… Just fix this now! _"Er… anyway, it's been a pleasure to work along with SDS who are the third largest supplier in the market-" she looked down at MrFitzherbert who was shaking his head furiously. "Sorry, the fourth largest-" Still shaking. Her voice became quieter and more hesitant, "Maybe the fifth?" It was seeing him put his face in his hands and the glares from other members of the audience that finally stopped her line of speech. She could see Finn trying, and failing, to hide his chuckle behind his hand. "Let's just say they're one of the leaders in the UK market!" _Nice save! I think…_

By this point she was ready to die, convinced that the whole room could see that her forehead had broken out in a beady sweat. "And here to do far better job of introducing things than I can is our Senior Director, the man we all call Mr-"

_Tits Pervert!_

_Oh HELL NO! I cannot be forgetting his actual name right now!_

"Er… Mister…"

_TITS PERVERT!_

_Oh please! I'm begging right now…_

"Mister… FITZHERBERT! Yes! That's it! MrFitzherbert! Because that… is his… er… name!"

_Oh please just kill me now! I tweezed my chin and removed my moustache so it can be an open casket!_

She made a sweeping gesture with her arm. "MrFitzherbert. You now have the floor…"

He shambled his way to the microphone without breaking his glaring stare. "Thank you Porsche!" He then flicked a switch on the side of the microphone and the room filled with the sound of feedback and his amplified voice immediately filled the room. "Let's just switch this on…"

_Yep. I'm totally dead!_

She stood alone next to the table of champagne glasses clutching her cigarette like her life depended on it and feeling utterly miserable. _After one more glass I'm definitely leaving! _She could continue debating from the comfort of her sofa how bad it could possibly be to move back in with her parents now that she was most likely unemployed and could no longer keep her flat. Things always seemed better when she reflected on them in the comfort of her pajamas.

Feeling a tingle as if someone was staring at her she looked up to see a small group of people talking. Well, all but one were talking. The one that wasn't was Sam Evans. He was staring at her. She was about to scoff when she realized that he wasn't staring at her in a mocking way. In fact, his expression was more concerned and sympathetic. Noticing he'd caught her eye, instead of breaking the contact, he excused himself and made as if he was about to come over and talk to her. But as soon as he started his expression hardened and he stopped in his tracks.

_Of course. You think I'm an idiot too. They all do!_

Then she felt it. A pair of arms wrapping themselves around her waist and the smell of a familiar irresistible cologne.

"Jones, sod 'em all. It was brilliant!" She looked up at Finn's earnest smiling face. "It was a postmodernist masterpiece of oratorical fireworks!"

She chuckled sarcastically. The man had a way with words!

"No! I really mean it!"

_Yeah right… "_But I made a complete twat out of myself!"

"Rubbish!" His arm tightened around her waist and his hand slipped back to where it had been in the lift yesterday. She could feel that unmistakable sexual tension sizzling away again. His voice deepened and he leaned in closer. "You're looking very sexy Jones. I'm going to have to take you to dinner now whether you like it or not. Okay?"

_Okay? Hell it was more than okay!_

"Come on. Let's get your stuff."

With her mind consumed with the idea of getting food and spending time alone with Finn, Mercedes completely missed not only the smug triumphant look that Finn shot across at Sam who'd been intently watching the whole interchange, but also the expression on Sam's face as he watched them leave together…


	4. Reckless

_Why the hell would do people spend good money in a restaurant buying a simple pasta dish which can be made at home for a fraction of the price?_

Mercedes mused the deep thought while trailing her carbonara with her fork. Whatever had possessed her to order carbs in a creamy sauce while wearing a little black dress clearly was on something illegal. But she kept on playing with her food, swirling it around the pasta bowl and failing miserably at getting it to gather in the perfect swirl around her fork. Anything to avoid looking up into Finn's eyes. He looked gorgeous, he looked hungry. And not just for pasta!

She'd tried to do the right thing and engage him in conversation about the latest political crisis in Eastern Europe but his reply of, "Quite frankly Mercedes, I don't understand what's going on there, and I don't really give a shit!" had quickly brought an end to that particular conversation. He'd seemed far more interested in asking something else. "So Jones, how do you know that ever anally retentive lawyer Evans?"

She smiled and took a soothing drag of her cigarette. Now this _was_ something she could speak with confidence on. "Well, it appears that I used to run around naked in his paddling pool!"

Finn grinned lecherously, "I bet you did you dirty bitch!" Noticing Mercedes' laughter at his enthusiasm he asked, "So if I was to get one of those little paddling pools from Tesco and filled it with water would I be able to talk you into it?"

She widened her eyes at the barefaced cheek of the man. "Finn!" she cried in a shocked tone.

He pouted, "Ok, so what if I replaced the water with baby oil?"

She attempted to fight off her laughter by taking another drag of her cigarette but all that resulted was a deeply unflattering coughing fit. "_Finn!_"

He grinned unashamedly. "What? A guy's got to have some fantasies to relieve the tension caused by sexy marketing staff running around and constantly bending in skirts that are so tiny they should be illegal!"

Mercedes continued to cough and reached for her glass of wine downing it in one gulp and pausing for her throat to settle before daring to speak again. Two could play at the questioning game. "So how do _you _know him?"

Finn bit his lip and fiddled with his fingers. "We were at school together before he moved to America. Then when he came back, he looked me up and we rekindled our friendship to the point where I was best man at his wedding."

Well that was certainly wasn't what Mercedes had been expecting. _Finn and Sam had been friends at one point?_ There was no way that she would have ever worked that one out from seeing how they glared and avoided each other! She leaned forward, her curiousity getting the better of her, "And then what?"

"And then… nothing!"

_How the hell could he just leave it at that? _Mercedes could smell a juicy story at fifty paces and this one sounded so good she could smell it at a hundred! Saying nothing she simply leaned forward and arched her eyebrow.

"Well," Finn pulled back slightly, avoiding her eyes while he played with his own cigarette, "A couple of years later, I made the somewhat catastrophic mistake of introducing him to my fiancée, only to find out a short while later he had continued to intimately introduce himself to her several times, on and against practically every surface of every room in the flat that she and I had just bought together." He paused slightly, as if lost in thought, "And I couldn't say in all honesty that I've ever quite forgiven him!"

"Oh wow!" Mercedes was shocked and her heart completely went out to Finn. That was totally _not_ what she'd expected to hear. "So… he's a nasty bastard as well as a dull bastard!"

"Yes!" said Finn quickly, "Yes I think that's a fair description of him!" He paused for a moment, "Anyway, fuck him! Don't let him ruin our evening!" He reached over to the wine bottle and topped up her glass. "So, I want to hear the story of your first drunken lesbian experience while you were at boarding school!"

She laughed. "I've never had a lesbian experience and I never went to boarding school!"

He returned her smile. "I don't care! Those stories are hot! Make one up! Or I'm sure that we could make something up together!"

She joined him in the laughter. The man was funny as well as sexy. She was in grave danger and was shamelessly looking forward to seeing just how far a little bit of recklessness could take her.

Before long the food was gone, the bill had been paid (by Finn of course) and they were staggering out of the restaurant into the street, laughing hard even though neither of them even remembered what had started them off laughing in the first place.

Finn grabbed Mercedes tightly by the waist, spinning her around as she squealed like a little child. "Come on Jones," he said, "Let's get a cab and head back to my place. We can open another bottle of wine and have lots of hot steamy sex!"

The second Finn uttered the word 'sex', Mercedes instantly sobered up. Was this really happening? _Hell yes!_ And the worst part? She totally wanted it, the sex part more than anything! It had been far far too long since anyone had scratched that particular itch and Mr Hudson had been the object of her lust for months now! She giggled nervously, common sense taking its sweet time to finally kick in, but kicking nonetheless. She shook her head slowly, almost apologetically, trying to convince herself more than she was trying to convince Finn. Good girls didn't just leap into their boss's bed on the first date, however tempting it may be. "No… no, no, no! I should get a taxi." She turned her head and raised her arm, hailing a black cab before turning back to him, "but thank you for a lovely dinner!"

Finn smiled and stroked her cheek. "It's a pleasure Jones!"

She opened her mouth to reply but nothing came out but a gasp, there could be nothing more because Finn's face was rapidly approaching hers, and before she could even begin to gather her thoughts their lips had met. Of all the hours she'd spent in the office, staring at the glass wall, imagining what it would be like to kiss Finn Hudson, nothing could have prepared her for this! Never had she expected so much hunger. This man actually wanted her. He actually _really wanted _her! He told her with his eyes. He told her with his lips, he told her with his tongue he told her with his-

_Well hello there soldier!_

"Do you guys actually want a taxi or not?" The cockney accent of the disgruntled taxi driver broke into their moment of rapture and Mercedes was sure that she couldn't hate any man more than she did that taxi driver for interrupting them. Then she thought of Sam Evans and figured that yeah, maybe there was just one man on the planet that she could hate more.

Finn practically carried her into the back of the cab where he continued to maul her and she willingly allowed herself to be mauled. To feel wanted and desired was exactly what she needed right now. Finn was murmuring complements in her ear as his hands roamed her body, completely unashamed that the taxi driver was just the other side of the screen. His hands roved over her curves with wonder and adoration rather than the harsh disappointment that she'd been expecting.

"Dammit Jones! I bet you're wet for me already!"

_Oh you have no idea…_

She gasped against his lips as his hand dropped to her thigh and began inching its way upwards, underneath her dress. "Finn! Stop! The driver-"

"The driver has to keep his eyes on the road. He can listen to me make you cum in the back seat of his car but he can't watch!"

"But there is such a thing as a rearview mirro – _oh wow!_" Her protests were quickly lost when his fingers reached their final destination underneath the skirt of her dress. The guy sure as hell knew exactly what he was doing, but Mercedes really didn't want to think too hard about that right now. She was far too busy enjoying the sheer recklessness of it all. Finn's fingers were all over her damp knickers and how he was trying to push them to the side to get his fingers underneath-

"Fuck Jones! What the hell are you wearing? It's not budging!"

_Oh shit, those massive suck-it-all-in granny knickers!_

He pulled up the skirt to take a closer look as she did her best to hold the dress down to prevent him from seeing. She was going to have to tell the driver to just take her home to die in her humiliation after finishing that tub of icecream in the freezer! Being stronger it didn't take him long to move her hands away during the back seat scuffle after only being able to capture the barest glimpse of them. This time he took a second, longer look and let out a long slow whistle. "Well fuck me! This really is something else! It's like a chastity belt but made of Lycra! I can't even see the top of it! How the hell am I supposed to get them off?"

Mercedes giggled while he shrugged. "I don't mind the challenge. It'll make the reward oh so much sweeter!" He returned to devouring her mouth while cupping her and squeezing her derrière in his hands.

"We're here!" The driver looked thrilled to be seeing the back of them as Finn tossed a twenty at him and helped Mercedes out of the taxi and into his flat. She didn't even get the chance to have a good look around before he was kissing her again, picking her up as if she was weightless and carrying her straight to the bedroom, depositing her on his king size bed. He stepped back from her to smile down at her disheveled state.

"Now Jones," his voice was now commanding just like it was in the office, "I need you to make yourself comfortable and think sexy thoughts. I'll be right back." Before she had the chance to even form a reply he was gone.

_What the hell am I supposed to do now?_

_Look sexy, that's what! All your plucking and preening has been leading up to this point! Do them proud!_

She kicked off her heels and scootched back further onto the bed. Should she take off the dress or should she leave it on? Should she climb under the covers or stay on top? What if Finn lost his appreciation for her curves once he saw the stretch marks that went along with them? Should she even maybe- All of her questions were interrupted by the man in question standing in the doorway humming 'Have You Met Miss Jones?'

The man must have moved at the speed of lightning because he was now naked apart from an extremely tented pair of boxers. He was staring at her with an appreciative smile, proudly holding up the treasures that he'd quickly cobbled together. In one hand was an opened bottle of wine, with two wine glasses nestled precariously between his fingers. One of the glasses contained several small foil packets. In the other hand was a scarily large pair of scissors.

"So, Miss Jones!" He made his way to the bed and deposited the bottle and the glasses on the bedside table before turning to face her with a wicked grin and snipping loudly with the scissors. "I think I may have just found us the solution to our unmovable giant knickers problem…"

Mercedes grinned up at him. _Oh yeah. This was going to be good…_

* * *

_13th January_

_Weight: 164 pounds (due to an increase in physical exercise)_

_Cigarettes: 5 (all post coital)_

_Alcohol units: Too many to remember!_

_Dear Diary,_

_Am now officially a wanton sex goddess! My dry spell is most definitely over and I'm not entirely sure if I can walk in a straight line any longer! Finn Hudson is NOT a disappointment. I lost count of the number of times he made me-_

Mercedes suddenly dropped her pen as a memory hit her. An embarrassing confusing memory. Her head was thrown back and her legs were around Finn's waist as he drove into her, eyes tightly shut and sweat starting to bead on his forehead while he was giving her everything that he had. It felt amazing. _He_ felt amazing and then he'd opened his eyes and for a split second before she fell off the edge with him she could have sworn the eyes staring so intensely at her were green! But when she came down from her high and checked again, his eyes were definitely brown. As they had been, Finn's eyes had always been brown. The only guy she'd met that night with green eyes was Sam Evans. _What the hell was she doing thinking of him just as she was starting to tumble into one of the most intense orgasms of her life?_

Last time she checked she hated Sam Evans with a vengeance. Yet the thought of hot angry sex with him had totally got her off while she was with another man! It was so stupid when the guy was clearly so uptight he probably wouldn't have been able to satisfy her anyway, despite being a cheater in the past.

But it was a momentary lapse. A loose connection somewhere in her brain. A lot had happened that night and she was still processing. And for all the other countless orgasms she'd had that night, he made no further appearances in her mind.

_Life has taken on a new air of danger! Have now started an 'office relationship'! Hopefully this will lead to lots of sex in inappropriate places. The kind of hot sex that would make Sue's toes curl as she sneakily makes calls related to her stupid house hunting._

_I can't believe that within the first few days of the New Year I've actually managed to find myself a boyfriend! Things are definitely on the up!_

Mercedes smiled into her glass of wine. She couldn't wait to tell her friends what had just happened to her!

It took several seconds to register in her brain that the sound which was rapidly pulling her from sleep was her mobile phone. With a heavy sigh she detangled herself from her bunched bed sheets and Finn's gangly limbs to answer it.

"Is that you sweetie?"

"Oh. Hi daddy!" Even though he knew it was her personal number, her father always seemed shocked when she actually answered the phone herself. She was determined to bring him kicking and screaming into the twenty first century if it was the last thing she did!

"Do you have a minute to talk, honey?"

She looked over at Finn's sleeping form and let out a sigh. He would want more sex when he woke up which she was more than happy to give, but right now, as he was fast asleep, she did actually have time to talk to her father.

"Mercy dear, I think we may have a problem..."

_It is a truth universally acknowledged, that when one thing starts to go well in your life, another part will then decide to go completely tits-up!_

_Trouble always has a way of rearing its ugly head._

_But this time, trouble had rather a good looking head._

_And the rather good looking head was attached to the rather buff body of a certain Noah Puckerman..._


	5. Expect The Unexpected

Noah Puckerman, or Puck as he was known by the few friends he was able to keep, was an interesting character. He was a rolling stone and a law onto himself. Never in one place for any length of time, he learned quickly to live by his wits. He'd thought that living in London would bring him a rich supply of 'work', but due to a certain lack of discretion, yet again he was having to lay low.

When he worked, he worked hard, but the fruits of his labours were never enough. He hated seeing people that were wealthy and 'entitled'. Why them and not him? Mother nature had been kind to him, giving him strikingly good looks and a physique that took very little to maintain. In his rebellious 'youth' he'd sported a Mohawk, but as he had grown older, in order to attract the kind of clientele that he needed, at the age of thirty he had finally shaved it off in favour of a close but neat crop.

Working with his hands was his forte. He was damn good with his hands and there were many up and down the country who would happily testify to it, men for the physical work that he'd done for them, and women for the physical work that he had done _to _them. Not that he really saw it as work. Because Puck loved women and he especially loved loving them. He'd quickly discovered just how good at it he really was and it was only a matter of time before he began to use it to his material advantage. When it came to the ladies, for him it was not so much the mixing of business with pleasure as it was making pleasure his business.

But, when it came to employment, Puck was a jack of all trades and that's how he had managed to land on his feet. The sleepy village barely a 90 minute commute from central London yet a whole world away. A place of calm and serenity and an opportunity to step back in time and enjoy the simple old fashioned life. It was time to make a fresh start and maybe, just maybe, go straight for once. If he could manage to stay out of the path of temptation that is. Because the truth was he did need to get away. While touring his way around London he'd discovered the yummy mummy brigade. Beautiful bored women with too much money and too much time on their hands. The most profitable one he'd found was a former Swedish nanny who'd somehow managed to snag the husband of her former employer. She was the kind of girl who earned lived up the phrase 'once a cheater always a cheater', yet her current husband was still more than happy to pay him a large sum to disappear from her life. She was pretty and not very bright as well as surprisingly lousy in bed and he'd been more than willing to have his silence bought. The only difficulty was the way that women in London networked, and as soon as his anonymity had become compromised and he'd had to move on.

And so to Oxfordshire. Leadworth was so quaint it even had a Women's Institute, thereby branding itself as 'cougar town', perfect for the latest branch of his business if living by legitimate means ceased to be enough.

It hadn't taken him long to check out the ageing building, only to discover that it desperately needed a lick of paint. A cleverly placed flyer, offering to undercut any quote by 25% as an introductory offer followed by a job well done had him on speed dial as their handyman for the other smaller internal jobs that needed doing.

And that's how he first started talking regularly to a certain Mrs Camille Jones.

Her story was an interesting one, and unlike her husband, Puck genuinely seemed to listen to her...

* * *

Mercedes smoothed down the fabric at the back of her skirt as she hurriedly followed Finn to the lift. As soon as the doors pinged closed he pulled her in for another quick kiss.

"Finn!" She gently pushed him away with a naughty smile, "You're going to get us caught one day!"

It had been weeks and weeks since they'd started their illicit affair in the workplace and they were both getting more and more reckless. Today they'd been moments away from being caught on the table of the senior floor boardroom. Finn's 'agenda' had taken far too long to get through and their escape had been a very close call. Mercedes had long ago learned not to wear things which involved buttoning up because they invariably got rebuttoned up the wrong way in post coital haste.

The lift came to a rapid halt and one of the girls from PR came in. Finn immediately backed off slightly. It was his floor next and as he headed out of the doors turned to her with a grin and said, "Oh and Jones? Pencil me in for a follow up meeting on Tuesday at 4pm."

She smiled and failed to meet his eyes. "Yes Mr Hudson!"

Whenever they had one of their escapades, Finn would always get out of the lift two floors early and walk the rest to ensure that they didn't arrive at the same time.

As she walked to her desk she was met with a glare from Sue. _Yep, that woman definitely wasn't getting any of either the male or the female variety! _

"Your phone's been ringing off the hook Mercedes. You really shouldn't just randomly abandon your desk in the middle of the afternoon like that!"

Mercedes just smiled sweetly as the introduction to the song 'Afternoon Delight' began to play in her head. She knew that her smiles irked the older woman. Something was up, she could tell, due to the increased absences, but she was also being extremely efficient with her work so it wasn't as if she could actually have any genuine reason for complaint. Sue was the definition of nosiness and it pleased Mercedes to sit and watch her suffer her curiosity every day. She picked up her pen and absently chewed on the end of it, trying hard not to flash back to the thrill of what she and Finn had been doing just minutes earlier. Who knew she could be so flexible!

She was jolted out of her reverie by the sound of her phone ringing.

"Hello?"

"Oh… Is that you dumpling?"

Mercedes groaned and buried her face in her hands. Why the hell was her mother calling her at work? Why the hell was she calling at all?

"Dumpling?"

"Yes mother!" She let out a frustrated sigh. Her mother never called her at work. Something had to be wrong.

"There's no need to take that tone with me young lady!"

She rolled her eyes and pretended not to notice the expression of curiosity on Sue's face. "Mum, you know I'm not supposed to be taking personal calls at work!"

"I know. But you're not answering that mobile contraption of yours so I had to reach you somehow."

That had to be a worry. Her mother had never seen the point of mobile phones and constantly bitched about how much it cost to call them from a landline. "So anyway, your father says you were planning to come for a visit on Saturday. I just wanted to tell you not to bother because I won't be there. Some of the girls from the WI are going for a day trip and I'm going with them."

Alarm bells immediately went off with Mercedes. Her mother had a Saturday routine that was very difficult to break. Only something as drastic as a wedding or a funeral could pull her from her regular routine of gardening, baking and catching up on her soaps.

"Mum? Is everything alright?"

"Yes dear. Of course it is. Your father's been a little weird lately but when is he not!" She gave a sharp little laugh that held no humour. "Anyway, he said something about you coming to spend the day so I'm telling you not to bother because I won't be there. Although I suppose most of the time you're here to see _him _not _me_!"

Mercedes was still frowning at what she'd just been told when another sound came down the phone to her ears. A giggle. Her mum was giggling. Her mum _never_ giggled! Apparently it was very unladylike and uncouth.

"Mum? Mum is everything okay?" It sounded like there was someone in the background.

"Of course it is. Look I have to go. We'll catch up again soon darling!"

And then a dialling tone.

Mercedes stared at the phone in disbelief. Her mum _never_ called her darling. It was dumpling. It had _always_ been dumpling since she could remember. Something was very very wrong.

She thought back to the week before when her dad had randomly called her up. He'd started saying that there may be a problem, then Finn had woken up and her dad had heard his voice in the background and insisted that she go back to whatever she'd been doing. What he had to say wasn't important and could wait for her next visit. She tried to urge him to tell her straight away, but between his protests and Finn's kisses she'd quickly given up. And now she wished she hadn't.

She was going to have to pay daddy a visit.

* * *

"Daddy!"

"Sweetie!" Mercedes flung herself into her dad's arms and revelled in his familiar smell of cigarettes and brandy. "So how are you doing?"

"I'm good!"

He made a big show of looking to see if there was anyone else behind her before shutting the front door. "So you didn't bring the boyfriend then?" He had one eyebrow arched up in amusement.

Mercedes rolled her eyes. Her and her invisible boyfriends were a running joke with her dad. It wasn't done in the same malicious way that her mum did it but it did still wear her down after some time. "No. Not today. I said I'd only be visiting for a couple of hours and he wanted to go to go into work after breakfast because he's expecting a call from the New York office."

Her dad's raised eyebrow was the spit of hers. She'd taken so many of his features. "On a Saturday?"

"Well, you know how these Americans are. Plus there's a deadline. Apparently they'll only be working for a couple of hours in the morning but they're 5 hours behind so that really screws up the day this end."

"If you say so. But he is real – this boyfriend of yours?"

"Of course he is dad."

"And he treats you well?"

"Yes he does."

"Then that's the most important thing." He gestured for her to have a seat while he went to flick on the kettle and reached for her favourite mug for tea without even asking.

"Is mum home?" she called out as she wandered around the room.

"Nope." He wiped his hands on his trousers as he came back into the room. "They've gone shopping in BicesterVillage. She says they may be some time."

"Oh wow. This is new!" Mercedes went over to the mantelpiece and picked up a framed photograph of her mother with three of the other ladies from the WI. Her mother wasn't keen on photographs and never put them up. And yet all of a sudden here was one, given pride of place in their living room. "Who's this?"

He dad came back into the room to see her holding the picture and frowned. He immediately came and took it from her hands. "That's Noah."

"Well Noah's pretty cute." Took in his tanned skin, cropped hair, athletic body and sparkling eyes. _Ding dong!_

_Dammit Mercedes. You already have a man now!_ "So where did he appear from?"

He sighed. "I honestly don't know. It was Emma that mentioned him first. Something about him doing some work in their building then he went to the house to do some work for her and Will. Then suddenly he's all any of the ladies talk about. And your mother! Well, she's taken it upon herself to teach him how to bake!"

Mercedes failed to mask her surprise. "Bake? Mum? _Him?"_

"My point exactly!" Was the bitter reply, "Suddenly this Noah 'please just call me Puck' figure is in the middle of all their lives. He's single so they all take turns to feed him. And your mother's besotted with him. She talks about him constantly. She calls him the son she never had!"

Mercedes laughed. "Oh my god dad! Are you jealous?"

Gregory Jones huffed and sank into his seat, ignoring the sound of the kettle boiling. "I wasn't until he came here. I just don't like the way he looks at her and keeps touching her. And they keep whispering like they have secrets. He definitely isn't acting like a son!"

She laughed even harder at that one. "Aw dad! It's probably nothing!"

"That's what I thought at first, but look at the picture. Look where his arm is!"

It was a group photo with two women on either side of Puck. On one side of him was Emma and his arm was flung around her shoulder. On the other side was her mum. But this time his arm was around her waist, pulling her closer. And unlike in real life, there was no expression of protest on her face.

"You know your mother more than anyone Cedes. She hates to be touched in public. She's the most prim and least tactile person I've ever come across. But this guy, this _child _has his paws all the way around her and not only is she smiling, she's put the bloody picture up on display!"

Mercedes swallowed hard to quell the feeling of uneasiness in her belly. To anyone else it would have seemed like an exaggeration, but she knew how particular her mother was, and how unwilling she was to change her regular habits.

_My name is Mercedes Jones, I am 32 years old and my mother is having an affair with a man who looks like he's even younger than me!_

_Okay, I know I sound like a crazy person and maybe it's not that bad yet, but there's definitely some sort of weird shit going on!_

She sat down on the sofa next to her dad and took a deep breath. "You know we shouldn't jump to conclusions about this dad. The guy can't be much older that me! She'd never do that to you."

She looked at him and realized that her words weren't helping. "Plus, he has to be about my age. What would a guy like that want to start an affair with someone so old anyway?"

"She's not a hundred Mercy! And we both know that despite being fifty-five she doesn't look a day over forty. No offence but people aren't lying when they say that she could pass for your sister!"

"I know but – would she really so something so stupid?"

"You tell me Mercy. I know our marriage isn't perfect but we have our routine and it works for us. For years I've tried to get your mum out on a Saturday and she doesn't budge. This _Puck_ character says he's going to drive a couple of the girls down to BicesterVillage and she's gone like a shot."

"She doesn't even like it there."

"Exactly!"

She frowned and followed him back into the kitchen where they made tea together in silence. "You don't think she would actually…"

_I can't believe I'm even going to say this… _"You know it's just a harmless flirtation, don't you." _Shit! I'm supposed to be sounding hopeful not doubtful!_

"Yeah I know." He looked sad and Mercedes didn't know what on earth to say to him. "It's just, _embarrassing_. You know?"

She nodded. She did know. She was already feeling second hand embarrassment for the both of them.

"And I think other people are starting to notice too. But she doesn't want to listen to anything I say and I don't want to keep fighting with her."

By now she was keen to change the subject and so was her dad. He pulled her into a hug with a smile. "So, tell me more about this nonexistent boyfriend of yours..."

* * *

_Hurrah! Am no longer tragic spinster, but girlfriend of a bona fide sex god! And the best part? He's so committed, he's taking me on a full blown weekend minibreak holiday weekend! Ever since I told him the stress my parents have been going through he promised to do something nice. And this time he really followed through. We're going to a stately home in Derbyshire. The land of Pride and Prejudice! I can pretend to be Elizabeth Bennett and Finn can be my Mr Darcy! _

_I can't even comprehend how excited I am! Poor Tina's been trying to get vile Sebastian to do this for her for eons and Finn does it for me after just a couple of months!_

_This can't just be an office fling. A minibreak means TRUE LOVE!_

Mercedes excitedly threw random items into her travel bag. She didn't plan on taking too many clothes with the exception of the 'one pretty dress' which she'd assumed was going to be for a posh dinner. It was only two nights and the entire afternoon that she had spent lingerie shopping with Santana and Tina was hopefully going to mean they wouldn't be needing to spend too much time outside of the bedroom.

Less exciting was Finn's driving. On the winding country roads the man was a demon with no thought to either the speed limit or the comfort of his passenger. It was spring and he was determined to drive with the roof down on his sports car for the first time this year. The first rays of sunshine do not equate summer! And as for the wind factor, fine for a man's hair but totally crap for a weave! Instead of enjoying the ride, she spent the whole time on damage limitation, employing the use of a scrunchie to ensure no tracks were exposed. And the constant wind on her face made her lips parched.

With one hand on her hair she rooted around in the back for the drink she knew she'd stashed away but when she tried to drink it disaster happened. _What the hell made me think it would be a good idea to drink a red drink while wearing a white dress in a speeding car with the roof down?_

It was Finn's quick reflexes, swerving them out of the way of some roadkill in the middle of their path that had ensured there was more Summer Berry Oasis drink down the front of her dress than in her mouth. Of course he'd thought it was funny, but she had planned to wear the dress more than once and it significantly reduced her clothing options!

"Finn, I can't go into the hotel looking like this!"

He shot her a critical look. Clearly set to reassure her that it wasn't too bad, he quickly conceded that she did indeed look like she had just tried to murder someone and still had their blood all down the front of her clothing. Her cardigan did nothing hide the mess.

"Here. Take this." He handed her his leather jacket and she quickly wrapped it around herself, enjoying the feel of his warmth and the smell of the leather as he helped her with her bag.

After pulling out his bag he grabbed something which she wasn't expecting.

"Finn? Why have you brought a suit to this minibreak?"

He slumped his shoulders slightly and bit his lip. "I was going to tell you. I just wanted to find the right moment to tell you."

She scowled at him. "This weekend hasn't got anything to do with work has it?"

He shook his head vehemently. "No! I'd never do that! There's a function that I need to show my face at, Just for an hour or so. Then the rest of the time is all ours, I promise!"

"A function?" Mercedes folded her arms and glared at him. "What kind of a function?"

By this time they had reached the front desk to check in and Finn was shooting a charming smile to the receptionist. "Hello Lydia! How's your day going?" He blatantly read the name from her name badge and she lapped up his flirtation.

"I'm fine thank you Mr…" she tapped a few keys into her computer, "Mr Hudson." She shot a small tight smile at Mercedes before beaming back at Finn and handing him a key card. "Your room is straight up the stairs, through the double doors and on the left."

"Thank you Lydia!"

"You're welcome sir. And I hope you enjoy the wedding. The entire hotel has been booked out for the guests."

_A wedding? Oh HELL TO THE NO!_

"Finn? What the hell is all this about a wedding? I thought this was supposed to be a minibreak for us. Did you drag me out here just to be your plus one for some mind numbing event in the middle of the countryside where I'm going to be the only black person? Is this why you wanted me to bring a 'pretty' dress? Coz I swear if…"

It was like talking to a brick wall. Finn was staring at the staircase and his mouth was set in a thin line. She followed his gaze to see a blonde couple making their way down the staircase that they were just about to go up.

Mercedes fought to hide her blush. The last time she had seen the owner of those particular green eyes was the night that she had seen them hovering above her at the most inopportune time. There was no way that he could possibly know it and yet she felt as if the moment she looked up at him, he would be able to read it all over her face.

_We hate him! Remember! He may be hotness personified but he is also a cheating relationship destroyer!_

Quinn simply continued walking past them, leaving them standing in the foyer with barely a nod of acknowledgement, but Sam actually stopped. His nod of acknowledgement was more obvious. "Of course you would be here... We're just heading to the other wing for some late lunch. I suppose you'll be on your way there too once you've settled in."

Finn seemed to have lost his voice so Mercedes spoke up. "Yes, that's right." Her tone was bitter. Yet again she hadn't meant for it to be quite so bad but she was mad at Finn and hated the way that Quinn had just looked at her as if she was something stuck on the bottom of her shoe.

For some reason Sam just kept on talking. He nodded in the direction of his recently departed partner. "I brought Quinn. I figured we could get a bit of work done. That way it wouldn't be an entirely wasted weekend."

The silence was awkward and Finn finally broke it with a smug smile. "How interesting. What a _gripping_ life you must lead! Must dash!" His voice was dripping with sarcasm at the other man and he turned to Mercedes. "I'll see you upstairs in a second, gorgeous!"

_Why the fuck are you leaving me alone with this guy! Fuck you Finn! Fuck you!_

She watched as he hastily made his retreat up the stairs and moved to follow him when she realized that Sam was staring at her. And not even staring at her face, he was blatantly ogling her chest! _That creep!_

She opened her mouth to say something when the horrible truth suddenly dawned on her. She no longer had her arms folded and Finn's leather jacket had fallen open. In slow motion she looked down to see that her chest was heaving and the stain was fully exposed, still bright red in contrast to the white cotton of her dress.

His hand started to rise as if to point at her and his mouth began to look as if it was it was going to form words but she didn't give him a chance.

Mercedes spun on her heel and fled up the stairs as fast as she could.

_I hate Finn for bringing me here on false pretences and I hate Sam for… for living and breathing._

_Dear Diary,_

_I can't believe this has happened! My mum is about to have an affair, my boyfriend has pissed me off and some guy who I don't even like and whose opinion I don't even care about has stared at me like I've just committed murder!_

_This turning out to be the worst weekend ever!_

_I need a drink and a cigarette._

_Several drinks. _

_And several cigarettes._

_STAT!_


	6. The Wedding

Mercedes flew up the stairs, overwhelmed in her feeling of utter mortification. Within the space of just a few minutes, Finn Hudson had committed several crimes of the _hell to the no _variety!

She quickly reached their room and turned the handle on the door.

Locked!

And Finn had the key card.

_Oh hell this man has not left me locked out in the hallway like a fool! _

She was now beyond pissed off and banged her fist against the door. "Finn! Let me in _now! FINN? _"

She knew she shouldn't be shouting in such an establishment but she'd had enough of just about everything!

"FINN!"

"Just a minute babe!"

Suddenly she heard his voice from what sounded like the furthest reaches of the room.

_Just a minute? Just a minute? Why the hell was he not letting me in? What the hell could he possibly be doing?_

It all got too much and frustrated and angry tears began to stream down her face without her even realising. Why the hell did she ever think that this weekend was going to be fun?

A sudden noise made her turn towards the double doors in time to see a flustered Sam Evans flying past muttering something about a forgotten phone before stopping two doors down and putting a key card into the door. Feeling eyes on him he turned and did a double take at Mercedes. She flinched, suddenly realising what state she was in. Sensing her distress he stopped what he was doing, shot her a sympathetic look and opened his mouth to say something when the door was suddenly flung open in front of her and she was pulled inside.

"Sorry baby, I was in the loo so I had to pull the door shut."

_Stupid man doesn't even look sorry!_

"Finn! You abandoned me! You had the only key and you just walked off and left me on the stairs!"

"I thought you were right behind me!"

"I wasn't!"

"Well how was I supposed to know that you were going to stop and chat to Evans. I didn't even think you liked him!"

"I don't! Stop twisting what happened. You _abandoned_ me!"

He tried to pull her into his arms but she pushed him away as he tried to explain himself. "You know that I can't stand being in the same place as the guy. We have history and it's not pleasant. That's why I needed you by my side this weekend. You're a calming influence on me."

_Idiot just went and said the wrong thing!_

"And that's another thing! You said this was going to be a quiet romantic weekend, just the two of us! Yet somehow I've been dragged to some random wedding. You didn't even think to _ask_ me first?"

"It's only for an hour or two. I've been good friends with the groom's brother for years. The rest of the time would be ours, I promise."

"And when you say _ours_ are you talking about me and you or you and that receptionist downstairs?"

"Aaw babe! You know that was nothing. I was just trying to make sure I got us a nice room. You know how these things work."

"Yes I do. The room was already allocated on the computer and I was standing right next to you. That flirting was for nothing other than to stroke your stupid ego."

He chuckled infuriatingly and pulled her towards him again. "You know, you look very sexy when you're angry Jones." He deepened his voice to the familiar rumble that he knew she found hard to resist.

"Stop it Finn." She was determined to be angry with him.

He ignored her and stroked his hands up and down her arms. "And you know, seeing you wearing my leather jacket takes you beyond the stratosphere of sexy into something else completely!" She huffed as he began to kiss at the salty tear tracks that were on her cheeks. "Baby you've been crying. I hate that I made you cry."

_It's not fair. This guy knows how to push my buttons to stop me getting angry with him. But not today!_

"You shut me out Finn! You upset me then you insulted me, then you abandon me to somebody else who had insulted me, _then_ you locked me out of the room!"

"I was going to leave it open bur then I remembered I had to pee! It was a long drive and, you know, the bags are in here and stuff..."

She cut her eyes at him before dissolving into sobs of sheer frustration. _So much for keeping my cool! Way to go for pathetic blubbering!_ After a moment's pause Finn scooped her into his arms and held her tight. "This was supposed to be a romantic weekend!" She practically choked on the words, "A special minibreak, just the two of us to show how serious we are. Some quality time all on our own."

"And we'll have that, I promise." He nuzzled his face in her hair. "It's just that I promised an old family friend that I'd come. But I swear we'll just show our faces at the ceremony and eat their free food. That's all. The rest of the time is ours and we'll _definitely _make the most of it I promise!"

Mercedes was trying to stay mad at him, she really was, but was getting harder and harder by the moment, due to the fact that somewhere during that little speech of his, he'd managed to slip the leather jacket off her and began to gently stroke up and down her arms with his fingertips, something guaranteed to get hot and bothered in an extremely short amount of time.

_Don't give in..._

He followed his fingertips with his lips, peppering her arms with feather light kisses that tickled.

_Dammit!_

Finding strength from goodness knows where, Mercedes finally managed to push him off her. _Why was she letting him do this to her? He technically hadn't even apologised to her!_

"Look, I need a bit of space from you and I need to get out of this stupid juice covered dress."

Finn looked down at her heaving stained chest and whistled. "Now that's something I could help you with!"

"Finn!" He shamelessly grabbed at her chest before reaching for the zip at the back of her dress.

"Hmmmm?" Somehow, she was back in his arms and he was nuzzling her neck. _Damn him for knowing her weak the hell did that happen?_

"Finn, get off me!" _This man makes promises he doesn't keep!_

"I think not."

"No, you don't think, that's your problem." _I'm going to have this argument with you if it kills me!_

He shook his head, causing the stubble on his chin to tickle her neck and drive her crazy. "You know, I guess I can be an insensitive idiot sometimes. We've only been here five minutes and you're already angry with me. So angry in fact, that you seem to have completely failed to notice the giant four poster bed that we've been given in this room." His peppered kisses moved up towards her jaw line and she was losing all will to resist them. "So I was thinking, maybe we could move this little fight of ours to the bed so that we're ideally placed to give it a test run when we have our incredible makeup sex. What do you say Jones?"

Mercedes didn't know what to say. She still didn't know at what point during his second speech her dress had been unzipped and her hands had found themselves on his belt buckle, but somehow both things had happened.

Opening her mouth to try and give an answer was fruitless because he used the opportunity to smother her mouth with a hungry kiss, letting their tongues have the fight that they didn't quite have verbally. All thoughts of breathing were forgotten as their mouths battled ferociously. By the time they came up for air, he'd already lifted her across the room and placed her on the bed.

Mercedes didn't want to give up, she was still mad, but now she was also totally hot with an itch only Finn could scratch. Much as she hated to admit, this time it was definitely_game set and match to Finn Hudson!_

* * *

_I can't believe I let Finn charm me into this. It's the dullest wedding I've ever been to. Even the bride looked bored coming down the aisle. And surprise surprise, I _am _the only black person here. Or should I say, the only non-white person. I hate stuff like this. Not only do I stick out like a sore thumb, it's obvious as hell that I don't even know anybody here apart from Finn: _

Mercedes rolled her eyes and sunk lower into her seat. Even last night's awesome makeup sex didn't make it worth having to sit through this.

_I just don't understand how people are dabbing the corners of their eyes as if the whole thing is emotional. This vicar's speech is so dry the edges are curled and crispy!_

She looked at Finn from the side of her eye. His mouth was open and he was breathing deeply. His eyes were slightly open but so glazed that she was pretty sure he was asleep. Then again, he did wear himself out last night…

_If only I could sleep with my eyes open so convincingly like that!_

She continued to stare around the hotel chapel where the guests were gathered, making a note of the boredom levels of each guest and rating them from one to ten, with one being rapt attention and ten being total disinterest. Currently both Finn and the father of the bride were at ten.

_The food had better be good to make this worth it! If it turns out to be miniscule pieces of salmon with some kind of creamy sauce and the tiniest new potatoes I am going to have to walk out in protest. Free food was not enough of a pull on this one. And the music is going to be crap as hell. What's a wedding without mountains of fried chicken and the Electric Slide? I need to plan my escape route fast on this one!_

"- if anyone knows of any lawful impediment why this man and this woman should not be joined together in holy matrimony, please speak now or forever hold your peace…"

_Yep! I have an impediment! They look like bloody Tweedledum and Tweedledee! Someone should check and make sure they're not related! And while they're at it someone should bring the bride a burger. Hell, make that two! Then she can stuff them down the front of her dress instead of those chicken fillets which were clearly doing nothing other than drawing attention to just how flat-chested she is!_

Suddenly there was applause and everybody stood. Mercedes was pulled away from her thoughts and Finn positively jumped from his 'sleep'. She was definitely going to make him pay for forcing her to endure this! She stood, smiled and joined the applause as the happy couple made their way back down the aisle then giggled as Finn pulled her close and nuzzled her neck, his eyes on someone sat on the other side of the aisle. "Sod the photos Jones, I vote we head back to the room for a little _lie down _and sneak back in time for the meal! Nobody in their right mind gets married at this early hour on a Sunday morning anyway!"

_Not a bad idea…_

* * *

"Oh you have _got_ to be kidding me!" Finn was glowering at the seating plan as if by doing so, it would change what it said.

"What's wrong?"

"We're on table four."

"And what's wrong with table four?"

"Sam Evans is what's wrong with it!"

Mercedes groaned. _Why was that man everywhere all of a sudden? _"Can we swap with someone?"

"It's too late. We spent too long upstairs and pretty much everyone's seated now. We'll just have to have some fun with him instead."

Mercedes smiled. Finn had promised they could leave as soon as all the toasts were finished and that couldn't happen soon enough as far as she was concerned and now he'd curved his arm around her waist and pulled her close as they made their way to their table. It was a circular table of ten and each place setting had a name attached to the wedding favour. So far the table consisted of couple with two young children who were deep in conversation with the other older couple seated next to them. Sam and Quinn were already seated, chatting in hushed voices and barely even acknowledging their arrival. Mercedes huffed as Finn pulled out a chair for her. The name next to the cutlery was Finn Hudson but she knew there was no way that he was going to sit there when it was right next to Sam Evans. Instead, he was offering her as a lamb to the slaughter. With a dark look she took her the seat and allowed him to push the chair in for her before taking the final empty chair with her name on it.

Despite herself she snuck a second look at Sam. The man was looking _fine _in his sharp suit. His hair was slightly slicked and his tie had been loosened ever so slightly. His eyes were still that spectacular shade of green which pierced the back of her mind and still made her feel slightly flushed. And he actually looked a little relieved that it was her who was sitting next to him. If she was feeling bold, she would almost go as far as saying he looked _slightly pleased _that she was sat there.

_Why the hell would that be?_

She sighed quietly to herself.

_I cannot believe the look that skinny Quinn woman just gave me! She always seems to have a smug self satisfied smile on her face and I swear, the next time she looks at me like I'm something the cat dragged in, I'm taking off these earrings and..._

"Breathe baby."

"Huh?" She turned to see Finn grinning at her, "I can see you clenching."

"That woman hates me! I've never done a thing to her!"

"Just rise above it. You're better than her. Besides, she's here with that loser who's making her work at the weekend. Just like him to try and mix business with pleasure."

"But don't we do the same?"

He grinned. "Yeah. But we know how to do it in style!"

Mercedes grinned back at him, remembering their brief foray into the restaurant to refuel after their activities, only to discover Sam and Quinn at one of the tables, surrounded by multitudes if coffee cups and legal papers, looking like they were really really _not _having a good time.

Mercedes sat and glared at the others at the table who didn't even attempt to break their conversation or introduce themselves before picking up the menu.

_Oh please tell me this is not happening..._

_oOo STARTER oOo_

_Tricolour Melon slices with Prosciutto di Parma_

_oOo MAIN oOo_

_Poached Salmon with Hollandaise Sauce and New Potatoes_

_oOo DESSERT oOo_

_Limoncello Cheescake with Rasperry Coulis and Caramel cages_

Good as sex was with Finn, she was going to have to withhold for this fuckery. Pretentious food at it's finest! Her mum would be proud of an overachieving menu like this!

And of all things that Finn could do, he'd pulled out his phone and started playing Tetris at the table! Both Sam and Quinn shot him disapproving looks but he pretended to ignore them as he smiled smugly for having succeeded in annoying them. Mercedes could understand why he did it, but it was still incredibly childish behaviour, even by Finn's exceptionally low standards. Quinn rolled her eyes and excused herself for the moment leaving Sam and Mercedes in an awkward silence. She could feel his eyes looking at her but she refused to tear her eyes away from the menu even though there was very little on it to actually read.

_Why is this guy always staring at me?_

Suddenly he leaned in closer and her body released an imperceptible shudder as she felt his warm breath on her cheek while he whispered in her ear. "Are you feeling better today?"

She was thrown by the question. She wasn't ill. And what did Sam care anyway?

Then she remembered. The last time he had seen her was in the hallway looking upset.

But still, what he hell did he care for?

Despite herself she answered and this time it was actually politely. "Yes. Thank you."

"I'm glad."

Something about his tone made her want to explain further. "I mean, I was simply locked out. It was accidental. Finn had the key card and he was supposed to have left the door open. It wasn't that big a deal."

"It looked like it was."

"Oh, that was - well it doesn't really matter - I'm not always a drama queen you know. You caught me on the tail end of several things that had upset me."

"I'm sure you're not into drama. But Finn has a habit of upsetting people."

"But it's never intentional. I'm sure he wouldn't unless they _deserve_ it." Despite herself she couldn't resist one little dig.

Sam frowned. "Deserve it?"

She nodded. "I'm sure you know what I mean by that."

He shook his head. "Believe me, I'm not quite sure what you're getting at."

_How could he not remember that he'd stolen his former best friend's fiancée? _"Finn told me that you guys have history and how your friendship ended."

His eyebrows shot up. "Really? I didn't think it was something he would be proud of."

"He was hurt really badly."

Sam shook his head with an expression of disbelief and his frown deepened. "With everything that happened, _he _was the one that ended up hurt? I'd love to see how he worked _that one_ out!"

She was shocked at the amount of bitterness in his voice and opened her mouth to question further. Something was not making sense, but they were interrupted by the arrival of the bride and groom which meant that they had to stand and applaud again as they made their way to the top table.

Finn glared at Sam and pulled Mercedes closer to him and Sam frowned at his response. There was something wrong with this dynamic but she didn't know what. Quinn returned to her seat, leisurely scraping her hand along Sam's back as she took her place. If Mercedes didn't know any better she would have said Sam looked almost annoyed by her touch. Maybe they'd had an argument of their own. Whatever it was, it was none of her business.

For the rest of the mean Finn kept her attention. He'd clearly noticed her speaking to Sam and didn't want it to happen again. Maybe he was scared Sam would steal her away just like he did his fiancée. Well, cute as the man may be, there was no hope of that happening. Not when she was so crazy about Finn.

They ate as fast as they could, and after the final speech they made their excuses and left to watch TV in their room. The hotel had satellite channels and they were making the most of it, watching American sitcoms and laughing at the infomercials.

Their laughter was interrupted by the sound of Finn's stomach letting out an almighty rumble.

"That matchbox sized piece of salmon with those three tiny new potatoes not hit the spot honey?" She grinned as she nudged him.

"Barely touched the sides. And seeing as its Sunday, and this is the countryside, loads of stuff is going to be shut. What do you say we find a nice quiet pub and hit up their carvery? It's not too late."

_Praise! _"Best thing I've heard all day! I'll just grab my coat!"

* * *

The rest of the day had turned out perfect. The receptionist - a man this time - had pointed them in the direction of a small pub about thirty minutes walk away where they'd eaten their fill of a traditional roast. They then sat and talked for hours in soft cosy seats before walking slowly hand in hand back to the hotel. It was exactly what she'd been wanting to do with the weekend at last. It was a shame they were going to have to go home tomorrow. The bank holiday had given them an extra day, but Tuesday would bring them back to the real world.

And now, after snuggling on the bed had turned into something a little more, Mercedes lay, looking at Finn's face as the moonlight reflected off it. The feeling of contentment was overwhelming. This was the kind of weekend couples were supposed to have together.

_I've decided. I love him. I think I really do love him._

"Finn?"

"Hmmmm..."

"Finn honey."

She poked his side gently. Mercedes knew he was awake, he just didn't want to talk. He was probably digesting his food. The man had been up three times at the carvery piling his plate high and she had no idea where he put it all.

But she had just come to a monumental decision and had to tell him. She turned to face him and snuggled closer as he opened his eyes and smiled at her. "Dammit woman, can't you give a man five minutes to regroup himself before you attempt to ravage him again!"

She giggled into the pillow. "Just five minutes? Don't flatter yourself Finn!"

He laughed. "Oh, so now we're getting all serious are we?"

He was joking but she decided to take his words and twist them into what she wanted. She knew it was probably a bit soon but he had just taken her on a minibreak of sorts... "Do you love me Finn?"

"What?" He was still smiling but appeared to have stopped breathing.

"I said… _do you love me_?"

His facial expression didn't changed but he did release a slow deep breath before tracing the outline of the top of her breasts with his finger beneath the sheets and bringing his lips to her ear. "You're gorgeous and amazing Jones. Now shut up or I'll have to tie you to one of these four posts and punish you for being a bad girl."

_I'm gorgeous and amazing... And maybe I'm just curious to see what we can do with these bedposts..._

She smiled and bit her lip and put on her most flirtatious voice. "Do you love me Finn?"

He let out a small roar and leapt on top of her, crushing her and pinning her wrists together above her head. She giggled and pretended to fight him off as he reached for the tie from one of their robes. "Right! You've asked for it..."

Her giggle turned into a laugh as he buried his face into her neck, quickly forgetting that he'd failed to actually answer her question...

After all, how was she supposed to know that her life was about to unravel in the most spectacular way!


	7. The Morning After

Mercedes let out a wide yawn and stretched underneath the covers. There was nothing like the feeling of waking up feeling satisfied. Without opening her eyes she reached over to see if Finn was awake and wanted to make the most of their final morning in this amazingly spacious bed, only to discover that not only was his side of the bed empty, it was already cold.

She quickly sat up, pulling the sheet around her. "Finn?"

He stepped out of the bathroom, pointing to the phone that he was holding against his ear. Blowing her a small kiss she heard him end the call and he trotted back over to the bed to kiss her properly. "Good morning gorgeous!"

"Good morning to you too!" She deepened the kiss and tried to pull him back down on to the bed but he pulled back. She looked at him with a frown. "Who was on the phone baby? And how come you're already wearing too many clothes?"

He pulled himself onto the bed to sit next to her. "The call was work. I need to be on a conference call with the New York office later."

"Today?"

"Yes today. There's some problems which can't wait."

"But surely it can wait a day? It's a bank holiday after all!"

"Not in America it isn't!" Finn shot her a look which she found to be more than a little patronising.

She knew she was acting like a child but these were their last few hours in the hotel and she wanted to make the most of it. "You promised me breakfast in bed! You said we had the late checkout!"

"Look, I'm sorry, okay! I didn't mean for this to happen." Finn clearly realised his tone sounded harsh and softened it. "Room service is going to take too long. Why don't you go downstairs and eat something in the restaurant while I pack? You already did yours last night. I'm not that hungry and I've got a couple more boring phone calls to make before we leave. If we aim to set off by 10, there's enough time for you to shower and eat, then I can drop you at your parent's on the way back and be in the office not long after they're starting their day Stateside!"

_Damn! I forgot about that! I promised I'd swing by to prove to mum and dad that I do indeed have a real living breathing boyfriend!_

Mercedes wasn't happy. "You will still pop in though. Even just for five minutes?"

He rolled his eyes. "Jones, with the detour of dropping you off, I'll already have to drive like a mad person to get to the office by 2. Don't forget, they're five hours behind and it's a 9am start for them."

_That bloody New York office is the bane of my life!_

Finally resigning herself to the fact that there would be no morning 'nookie' on the fabulous four poster bed she grabbed her things and began her morning bathroom routine.

_I hate going into restaurants on my own!_

If it wasn't for the fact that she was hungry, she wouldn't have bothered going. But her night's activities, combined with the feeling of 'it's been paid for so I'm going to eat it' meant that there was no way that she was going to pass up on breakfast. And by the looks of it, pretty much everyone else had the same idea, especially as the breakfast room was so beautiful.

Due to the capacity of guests, the food had been laid out as a buffet with several hot stations for those wanting a 'full English', and some toast, yoghurt, croissants and fruit for those who wanted the continental style. But why anyone would willingly choose that was beyond Mercedes' comprehension! A pastry and a glass of juice was hardly a decent breakfast while on holiday! It's something reserved for those days when you're running too late to eat anything properly on your way to work!

Filling her plate she turned to find a place to sit. Most of the tables had been set for two and the majority already had couples seated at them. Spying a free table to the side she quickly darted over, only to realise the moment she set her tray down and pulled out the chair that of all the people in the entire universe, Sam Evans had to be at the next table, for once dressed actually dressed casually and seemingly alone himself.

She could feel his eyes watching her as she took her seat but refused to acknowledge his presence. _Why is this guy always staring at me?_

"So you're having breakfast alone too I take it?" Why did he always like stating the obvious?

It was bad enough that he was looking at her but now that he had spoken it was impossible to continue ignoring him. Plastering a smile onto her face Mercedes turned to him.

_Why does someone I'm not supposed to be liking have to be so damn attractive? It's the height of rudeness!_

But speaking of rudeness, she couldn't very well be to him so she did the only thing she could do and replied. "He's busy with work."

"Work? _Finn?_"

The way Sam's eyebrows shot up and his shocked expression took her aback slightly. Surely Sam knew that he was a hard worker? And yet something about his response niggled her. Maybe it was because deep down it surprised her too. Ignoring the nagging at the back of her mind she decided to shift the attention back to him. "What about you? The other half let you down this morning?"

He looked as if he was going to take issue with her use of the phrase 'other half' but clearly thought it wasn't worth explaining. "She doesn't eat breakfast."

"Really? What a waste!"

"I know! If a place like this offers a full English you take it!"

"Definitely!" Mercedes found herself shocked to be agreeing with Sam over something. She didn't want to but on this subject he was clearly correct. And looking over at his plate she noticed he'd selected exactly the same items as her, only his were slightly more neatly arranged on the plate as opposed to her random piling. But he too had picked the crispiest pieces of bacon and the fattest slightly blackened sausages, mushrooms not black pudding and tea not coffee. Toast white and thick sliced with extra portions of salted butter.

"Care to join me?"

Her frown of confusion clearly amused him. "If we're going to eat alone we might as well eat together and not look so pathetic in our aloneness."

"I'm not pathetic!"

"I didn't say you were! And if you were paying attention you would have noticed that I was referring to both of us equally."

Mercedes scowled as she tried in vain to think of a reasonable comeback.

"And if not for me," he continued, "Then do it for that poor couple who are struggling to find seats together."

She looked up and spotted an elderly couple clearly looking for somewhere that they could sit together but there were no more empty tables left. "Why don't _you_ move?"

"I have more stuff. It would take longer. You still have your tray."

With a huff she had to reluctantly acknowledge that he was right. She just had a tray and a mug while he also had a whole teapot, jams and other paraphernalia laid out in front of him. Plus someone had clearly already taken his tray away. Standing up, she waved the couple over and put her tray on Sam's table, sinking into the seat opposite him. The couple smiled gratefully at her and took up residence at her table with profuse thanks and indiscreet winks that indicated they mistakenly thought that they'd helped her to get lucky.

Yet again Sam was staring at her and this time he was smiling. It was still annoying but worse than that was the unfamiliar fluttering in her stomach that it caused. Rather than finding them creepy, she found his stares slightly flattering. In an attempt to distract herself she reached for her mug only to remember that she had drunk the majority of her tea as soon as she sat down. There was something about having it while it was still hot. Sam was watching her and immediately picked up the teapot. "Shall I be mother?"

"Oh, its okay, I…"

Her mug was already half full by the time she was able to formulate her words and Sam just kept on with his stupid grin as he pushed the milk and sugar towards her. "I can never drink the entire pot but I always need a second cup before my day can really start."

_I know exactly what he means! Oh hell, why am I suddenly relating to this guy when I don't even like him? He may be attractive but-_

"I get the impression that you don't like me for some reason."

Mercedes nearly choked on her tea. _Thanks for putting me on the spot! _Sure he may irritate the hell out of her but there was no way that she could tell him that to his face! But he hadn't actually finished talking anyway. "Then I remembered that we didn't have the world's greatest re-introduction at your mother's turkey curry buffet thing. I meant to apologise to you for my behaviour when I saw you again at the launch but you left before I had the chance to speak to you properly. Speaking of which, you gave the most amazing speech that night by the way-"

She cut him off right there with a deadly stare. "We don't talk about that speech!"

Unfazed by the glare he shot her a lopsided grin and nodded. "I see. Alright. Well anyway, I wanted the chance to explain what had happened. My mum is forever trying to set me up with anyone female, breathing and under the age of fifty. That particular day she'd been going on at me non-stop since breakfast and I'd totally run out of patience with the way she was being so obvious about it. And as if that wasn't bad enough, I'd literally just given up smoking the day before and then _you_ came along, blowing smoke right into my face. I was struggling, the stress of the day, your mother acting as badly as mine and the glorious smell of your cigarette combined to make me snap in a way that wasn't really me, and for that I truly am sorry."

Mercedes was totally taken aback. She hadn't expected him to ever apologise for that day, much less to actually have had good reasons for acting the way that he had. It caused a multitude of questions to pass through her mind but typically the one that actually passed her lips was, "You smoked?" _Maybe the man's not as straight laced and uptight as I thought he was!_

He nodded sheepishly. "I started when I was in America. Filthy habit. Gave it up when I first got married but restarted after…" He frowned and started absently removing the skin from his grilled tomato before clearing his throat and changing the subject. "So what did you think of the wedding?"

_Boring as shit! Can't really say that though… _"It was lovely."

This time he openly laughed. "Yeah right. That's why you looked bored all through the ceremony then vanished until the food arrived."

Mercedes bit her bottom lip, fighting the blush that was rising on her face as she thought about the reason why they were nearly too late for the food. "Okay so it wasn't the most exciting thing in the world but the bride seemed to enjoy it and that's the important thing."

"Yeah I guess it is."

There was a lull in the conversation as they both finished their plates of food in silence. Sam poured the last of the tea before he spoke again. "I do remember you, you know."

She cocked her head inquisitively. "What?"

"I said I remember you. From when we were kids."

"Really? I don't remember a thing!"

"Well you were pretty young. I'm a couple of years older than you. It's so weird to think that we used to hang out nearly thirty years ago!"

"Yeah. Who would have thought that little old me would have been a closet nudist!"

Sam laughed and despite herself she joined him. "Sadly I don't remember that part Mercedes. Not for the lack of trying, mind you!"

"Pervert!"

"Streaker!"

Suddenly she found that she really didn't mind Sam anymore. "So what was I like as a child?"

He pretended to think for a moment. "You had anger issues!"

That was a surprise to her. "Anger issues? How come?"

Sam shrugged. "I don't know. I was still pretty young myself so I don't remember too much but my clearest memory is of you in a pink dress with your hair in these two cute puffy bunches that I was fascinated with. At one point I may have come up behind you and grabbed them like a pair of handlebars and you spun round and punched me in the stomach. It was possibly a reflex but all I know is that it knocked me over and winded me. I wanted to cry because it hurt but at the same time I was really impressed that as a girl you could actually hit like that."

"Wow! I wish I remembered that! I was definitely not one to be messed with!"

"Definitely not!"

"Plus you touched the hair, a move guaranteed to cause upset."

"Yeah well I guess I got that particular memo a little late!"

The laugh they shared was genuine. Mercedes didn't like to admit it but she was even starting to enjoy Sam's company which made it even more unfortunate when Quinn suddenly appeared from nowhere, casting both a symbolic as well as a literal shadow across her. Her displeasure as seeing Mercedes was clear to see which, rather than annoying her, actually gave Mercedes a bit of a guilty thrill at being the cause of contention.

For a moment Quinn met her eye with a steely gaze and looked as if she was going to address her directly before opting to turn her head, blanking her instead, and addressing Sam as if she were totally invisible. "You said you'd be twenty minutes but it's been half an hour!" Quinn was trying to hold her head high but it still sounded like a whine.

"I got distracted," he said smoothly.

"Clearly." Her tone was sharp and she cast another dismissive look at Mercedes, "Catching up on old times I suppose."

"Something like that." Sam's tone was equally as terse as Quinn's, clearly not relishing the interruption either.

"Hmmph. Well we need to be leaving now!" She took the mug from Sam's hand. It may have been empty but that didn't make her action any less rude. Unseen by Quinn, Mercedes' eyes initially widened in shock before rolling them in mock distain at the other woman's behaviour. Sam however, did catch her response and fought hard against the smile that played on the corner of his succulent lips. He then looked at his watch and sighed. "You're right, it's a long drive, we'd best be off." Standing, he smiled warmly at Mercedes, "I'm glad we finally got a chance to talk and clear the air."

She nodded at him. "Likewise."

Quinn linked her arm in his and practically dragged him away from the table without a backwards glance. But after a couple of paces Sam did look back, his green eyes causing her to forget completely that that not only was she not supposed to like him, but also that she had her long sought after prize of Finn Hudson waiting just upstairs.

_Note to self, I must not develop a crush on totally hot mortal enemy of current boyfriend…_

By the time she made her way back upstairs she remembered the reason why she wasn't supposed to like Sam. He was a cheater of the worst kind and men like that were slippery as eels. Quinn had done her a favour coming at the time that she did. If she hadn't, she might have succumbed to those green eyes which already held a place in the back of her mind that made her feel uneasy. Nope, Sam Evans might be all charm and friendliness but she wasn't going fall into his clutches _that_ easily!

As she put the key into the door of their room she heard Finn's voice. Clearly he was on the phone again, but what stopped her in her tracks were the words she thought him say as she pushed the door open, 'I'd better go now, yep, I love you too. See you later.'

Mercedes slowly closed the door and turned to him with a frown. _Maybe I just heard him wrong!_

"Hey Finn."

He smiled brightly back at her. "Hey yourself! How was breakfast?"

"It was fine." For some reason she suddenly felt the need to _not_ tell him about her encounter with Sam downstairs. "Who was on the phone?"

Finn flushed slightly. "Nobody."

"You weren't having a conversation with yourself Finn!"

He looked sheepish. "I suppose I was just embarrassed. It was my mum."

Alarm bells immediately rang for Mercedes. "I thought you and your mum didn't get on?"

"We don't. It wasn't an easy conversation but I needed to get rid of her."

"You guys barely talked over the last few years without arguing but you still say 'I love you'?"

The blush deepened. "I- I didn't say that. You must have misheard."

"Did I? I'm pretty sure I hear you say 'I love you' before you ended the call."

This time the response was a nervous laugh. "Nope. You have to have misheard. I definitely said _'I must do'_."

"I must do?"

"Yep. There's a… a book that we were talking about and she said that she must have a copy of it somewhere indoors and I said I must do too."

_Okay that was the lamest cover story I have ever heard! I definitely did NOT mishear but I don't think I'm ready to have this conversation right now! That was a pathetic attempt at a cover up but I need my ride to my parents' before I truly kick off. _"Okay Finn. If you say so."

He stepped forward and put his arms around her. "What a silly thing to think, Jones. You must have fuzzy fluff in your ears!" He nuzzled her neck but it didn't make her feel any better. In fact, his condescending tone was pretty annoying. Her frown became more pronounced as she kept thinking about what she'd heard. "So you're going to see your mum later then?"

This time he shot her a confused look and she explained further. "You said 'I'll see you later'. So you're seeing her today are you?"

"No. It was just my way of saying goodbye. _See you later_. People say it all the time. I'm sure you do too!"

Sure she did say it all the time, but never quite in that soft familiar tone that he'd been using on the phone. He said it the way that she always said it to him, with the implication that he would be seeing a _whole lot_ of her later. She decided to drop the conversation for now, but definitely was not going to forget about it. Finn flung his bag over his shoulder then grabbed hers. "Are you ready to check out?"

The ride back was quiet. Finn played music but for once in her life Mercedes didn't feel like singing along. Something between them had shifted and the uneasy feeling in the car was palpable. Finn had lied. Mercedes knew that he had lied but wasn't yet sure how she was going to confront him with it. Finn knew that Mercedes knew he had lied and felt like a lamb being led to the slaughter. But he wasn't ready to break up with Mercedes. She was far too good in the sack.

By the time they reached the gate of her parent's house conversation was completely dead. As she unbuckled her belt she decided to offer him one last olive branch. "Coming in? Just for one minute? Mum bakes delicious cakes. You can just grab a slice to take with you while you run."

_I know I shouldn't be flogging this dead horse. He clearly said 'I love you' to someone when he couldn't say it to me, but if he at least comes in to show his face to my parents I'll know that maybe there's something here worth fighting for._

"I'm so sorry Jones, I really need to get to the office ASAP." _Strike one. _He leaned over her to kiss her but she pulled away. _Strike two._

"I'll see you later?"

She looked at him expectantly but he shook his head as he replied. "Not later. But I'll call you tonight." _Strike three!_

Without even turning her head she exited the car. Finn rolled down his window and called after her. "Is everything okay with us?"

_This was one of those many moments in life when all I wanted to do was move in slow motion, spinning my head so that my hair swished around my face and raising my middle finger high and proud so he knew exactly what I wanted him to do. But as always, the reality was far more anticlimactic._

Mercedes simply shrugged her shoulder and let out a noise which was more like a grunt than anything else. It was one of those moments where she wanted a perfect exit but it clearly wasn't going to happen. The best she could do was refuse to turn her head as she heard the sound of his engine rev and the car begin to pull away before she'd even reached the front door.

With a heavy sigh she rang the bell and was surprised to see it opened by her father rather than her mother. He was wearing his favourite blue cardigan which was centuries old with fraying on one arm and which her mother hated with a vengeance. Before she could comment on it he beat her to the punch. "No boyfriend then?"

She reached up and kissed his suspiciously stubbly cheek. "Hello to you too daddy! And as for Finn, I think we literally broke up in the car just outside."

The genuine surprise on his face would have been amusing if the whole situation wasn't so sad. "That one's new. Are you really sure you didn't make him up?"

"Of course not! I'll have you know I've just come back from a weekend away with him." She still had the bite marks and scratches on her body but it wasn't exactly appropriate for her to show them to her dad. Then she suddenly had the sick feeling of wondering if there was another woman out there with the same marks from Finn on her body, but who also had the words 'I love you' from him to go with them.

"You look like you need a brew." He put his arm around her affectionately as they ambled towards the kitchen. _Something doesn't feel right about this house today though._

"Where's mum?"

His back was towards her as he filled the kettle at the sink and he didn't turn as he replied. "She's out."

"On a bank holiday? She never normally does that! When will she be back?" He simply shrugged and reached for the pack of cigarettes on the table. The sudden feeling of heaviness in the pit of her stomach intensified. There was so much wrong with this picture. He opened the pack, put one between his lips before offering the pack to her. "You look as though you could do with one of these."

The statement but brought about utter confusion in her. "But mum never lets you smoke in the house!"

Again with the shrug. "Well she's not here to tell me not to, is she!" He pulled out a lighter and ashtray and lit both their cigarettes while the tea brewed.

"When did you say she was coming back?"

This time be shook his head slowly and his shoulders slumped even further. "I didn't say, because I don't know."

"How can you not-" _Oh my god I think I just worked out what's going on! _"Dad! Has mum left? Like, properly left? For good kind of left?"

This time he took the time to draw several puffs before exhaling slowly and talking to his hands. "It was on Saturday afternoon. I don't know what happened. One minute we were sitting watching Bergerac and the next minute she's standing up in floods of tears saying that she can't do this anymore and she's going to pack her bags. I thought she was just having one of her funny turns, you know, what with all the hot flushes and all that, but then she comes down before the episode's even finished with a packed suitcase saying that young Puck guy was going to pick her up and she'd be staying with him for a few days while she cleared her head."

"The guy from the picture?"

"Self-same one. Puck. Or _Little Fuck_ as I like to call him!"

Mercedes took another deep drag of her cigarette. "So she just up and left?"

"Yep."

"And what did you say to her?"

He started to play with a loose thread on the sleeve of his jumper. "I think I may have made things worse…"

She narrowed her eyes. "How exactly could you have made that bad situation even worse?"

"Well I sort of accused her of having an affair with this Puck character. She told me to stop being stupid but if that's what I really thought then maybe she should seeing as she was going to be under his roof now."

"Oh dad!" She looked at her father in his complete state of disarray and it all suddenly made perfect sense. The smoking indoors, the comfy old cardigan and the two day old facial growth. All things that wouldn't be tolerated if her mother was around.

"So anyway, that's my news. It's quite the scandal in the local area but I can hold my head up because I've done nothing wrong!" He looked as if he was going to break down for a brief few seconds before collecting himself and glancing up at the wall clock. "But life goes on. Bill will be here in a bit and we're going out for a pub dinner and a game of darts. Your mother never liked me playing darts so it should be good."

"But dad! Why didn't you call me?"

"I'm fine. I've actually had fun this weekend. Bill and I played pool last night and had a carvery. Tonight is darts and I was thinking I might dig out my pipe at some point too!"

She looked carefully at her father. For all his words and freedom he looked as miserable as sin. "She won't stay away for long." This was her parents. They were supposed to stay together forever! And at her age there was no way on earth that she intended to become another statistic when it came to broken families!

"I don't care." But it was obvious from his face that he did. Very much.

"I'll speak to mum."

"She's not answering her phone. Even to Emma. I think you should give her a bit of cooling off time first." He reached for the pack again. "So anyway, enough about my woes, why did you and this new fellow break up?"

"I think he's cheating."

"Oh dear. Not good. Is this just an 'I think', or an 'I definitely know for sure'?"

Mercedes paused for a moment. "It's currently an 'I strongly suspect'."

"Hmmm… And I guess you confronted him in the car outside?"

"Not exactly!"

"Then that's what you have to do! Find him and confront him and decide what you want to do with this relationship!"

She stubbed the last of her cigarette into the ashtray because it had started to taste horrible before meeting her dad's eye. "I'll do it with Finn if you do the same with mum!"

* * *

It was only logical that she would head towards the office. Finn would be there working and she would take five minutes of his time to get some straight answers. It wouldn't take long. She'd already done her 'three strikes and you're out' internally but there was definitely a need to get this out in the open and maybe scream about it if necessary. Better still, if it all turned out to be a huge misunderstanding that had blown out of all proportion, this would be the perfect opportunity for some amazing makeup sex in the office without the risk of being caught! A win/win situation!

Mercedes felt stupid wheeling her bag into the office but she knew that if she popped home first to drop it off she'd put her pajamas on and never come out again. It felt weird going up in the lift to her floor all alone and walking past all the empty desks as she headed towards Finn's office. It had that strange feeling, like being in school on an evening or weekend and finding it deserted and devoid of noise-

Actually, it wasn't devoid of noise. As she approached she could hear the deep tones of Finn's voice. Then there was the sound of another voice. Female this time. Maybe one of the assistants was in too…

_Silly Mercedes! It's not that kind of voice at all!_

Mercedes finally got her slow motion moment but it wasn't the one that she had been hoping for. She strode up to the glass door and opened it before thinking her actions through properly. She knew, of course she knew what she was seeing, but somehow she had to let Finn know that she had seen too.

The woman was perched on the edge of Finn's desk with her back towards Mercedes. Nothing would have looked too untoward if it wasn't for the fact that her feet were on the desk on either side of her, legs splayed and skirt hitched up. Her hands were behind her, flat against the desk, propping her up for balance while her head was thrown back in obvious rapture. And Finn was right there between her open legs bucking away almost comically while his face flushed and contorted in what she always referred to as his 'sex face'.

The sound of the door alerted him to her presence and he immediately stopped his jerky movements. "Mercedes! What are you- This isn't what it looks like!"

_There has to be the perfect comeback for what he said but of course sod's law says I lose the power of speech. I'll probably think of a million stinging one-liners as soon as I get home, but right now nothing… nada!_

The girl on the desk turned to look at her and had the audacity to smile as she expertly slid down from the desk, turning to face Mercedes while smoothing down her skirt at the same time, all in one swift sleek movement leaving her standing directly in front of Finn, delicately covering up the fact that he was desperately and clumsily trying to get his trousers done up. She was annoyingly pretty, smooth glossy brown hair with a fringe, big brown eyes and a slim girlish figure that went with her obvious youth. And clearly she was agile and a flexible mover too. The smile widened in some sort of recognition on hearing the name and she revealed a set of typical American pearly whites. "Hi! I'm Rachel. Good to meet you at last!"

Finn just looked utterly mortified. "Um. Rachel is from the New York office. She's here to go over some figures with me!"

_I can see that with my own eyes! But there's no way I'm going to let him see me cry!_

Quickly turning to flee she pretended that she didn't hear Rachel's voice following her with the statement "I don't know why but I always assumed she was so much thinner than that…"

By some Mercedes remembered at the last second to grab her bag as she headed back to the lift and out of the suddenly extremely stuffy building where she'd just caught her now ex-boyfriend in a compromising position!

_As she headed down in the lift to the exit she reflected on her life at this point, narrating it as if it were the opening paragraph for a dramatic novel:_

_'Mercedes Jones, thirty-two year old spinster, daughter of a broken marriage, victim of infidelity, and lover of all calorific foods washed down with red wine, waited for the lift doors to open as she took stock of her life. She wasn't a bad person. Okay so maybe she smoked too much, drank too much, sometimes ate a little too much and had the severest allergy to all forms of physical exercise not sexually related, but that didn't make her unlovable did it? She had friends, a nice but small home and…' Shit! What else did she have?_

It wasn't until she walked into the cool air outside that she realised what she also had.

_I have my tears!_


	8. Some Kind Of Arrangement

_Dear Diary_

_Today has been HORRID! First I find Finn lying, then my parents split up, then I catch Finn cheating! This is definitely one of those days that makes shit-tastic history! And to top it off, I've just noticed my period's started day early!_

_My life is a complete and utter disaster! Somehow, within the space of a short few hours I've broken up with the first decent boyfriend I've had in forever and mum has completely lost the plot. I started today as a mature woman hoping for a repeat of last night's exhausting but satisfying sexual 'punishment' from Finn and now here I am, walking home because I forgot to renew my travelcard, broken up from my boyfriend who it's only just suddenly dawned to me is also my boss, and now am a daughter of a broken family because of my mother who… oh who the hell knows what's going on with her! And I have no way of calling her because she staying with someone I don't know and she refuses to move with the times and get a bloody mobile like the rest of us!_

_Am now the child of a broken marriage! What the hell am I supposed to do with that? It's something that happens while you're a kid, not when you're in your early thirties! And just when I need a boyfriend to lean on he's busy 'leaning on' some American tart who getting everything that I've been working for over the last couple of months!_

_How the hell has everything in my life managed to go so spectacularly tits up?_

Unlocking her key and stepping into her flat with a huge sigh, Mercedes let her bag drop in the hallway and went straight into the kitchen to find some comfort food. Crying never helps but eating does.

_Fuck my life! Why did I think I would be in the right frame of mind to do shopping when I got back? I need comfort food and there fucking isn't any!_

After being disappointed with the contents of her fridge she raided her cupboard and pulled out a tube of cream cheese and chive Pringles reserved for emergency munchies/guests and started crunching on them as she changed into her pajamas despite it only being late afternoon. She debated taking the crisps to bed with her, only to have to get up again moments later when she remembered that she was also gasping for a cup of tea and a cigarette.

And why was it that she had to wait until _after_ pouring boiling water on the teabag that she thought to recheck the fridge and remember that milk was on the as yet unpurchased shopping list? With a string of unladylike curses she reached into the back of the cupboard and fished out an only slightly expired tub of powdered skimmed milk before spending the next couple of minutes trying to spoon the resulting lumps from the top of her brew. She needed a cup of tea and she was damn well going to drink this one!

_Note to self: also need teabags…_

Knowing the kind of mood she was in was likely to result in tea spilled in her bed she took her quilt over to her sofa and flicked on the TV while lighting up.

As usual nothing was on any of the five channels so she reverted to hitting play on the video already in the player. Of course it would be Pride and Prejudice. And of course it would be the scene with Mr Darcy swimming in the lake followed by his hilarious encounter with Elizabeth in the grounds where she was blatantly staring at his crotch and struggling to form sentences and babbling because he was standing in front of her soaked to the skin and clearly spouting a huge hard on! However crappy she was feeling, that scene would always put a smile on her face.

Miss Bingley had just asked Elizabeth to 'take a turn about the room' with her when the phone rang. It was Santana. She was still debating whether or not to pick up the call when it hit her answer-machine.

"Hey Mercedes! I think you should be home by now but I haven't heard from you at that worries me and I _needs_ juicy details. The last message I had from you was that you were pissed off that this trip turned out to be a wedding. I hope he made it up to you with lots of sex. Lots and _lots_ of dirty weekend sex! But anyway, I'm going to keep calling every thirty minutes until I speak to you because I'm not going to fucking pay ridiculous charges to call your mobile-" The answer-machine beeped, cutting her friend off mid sentence and Mercedes ignored the now flashing light and continued watching her film.

It rang again as Kitty made her escape from Mr Collins' failed attempt at comforting the Bennett sisters and Mercedes only half listened to the message which ended before she was cut off this time.

The third call came during the 'this man and this woman' vows while Mercedes was wondering why she had never before noticed that Colin Firth and Crispin Bonham-Carter were being historically correct in not wearing underpants underneath their extremely loose trousers and trying not to imagine Darcy's trousers wet from the lake swim. No wonder Elizabeth had been so flustered…

"Mercedes! I know you have to be home by now. If you're not picking up it means that something happened and you're upset so I'm just grabbing my coat and keys and coming straight over with a tray of Cadburys Crème Eggs and a hair pin in case I need to pick your lock because you're lying dead or in a pool of your own vomit-"

_Shit! _With a sigh Mercedes reached over to her phone and picked it up. "I'm fine!"

"Aha! It speaks!"

"Shut up Santana!"

"Oh Lord! Was it that bad then? I'm coming straight over!"

The line clicked to the dial tone before Mercedes even had the chance to protest or ask her to bring a pint of milk with her.

* * *

_So much for holding it together! It took me of five seconds to start blubbering like a baby. For all of Santana's harsh exterior she's actually a good friend and a fantastic listener. Even her silicone bosom makes for a pretty decent pillow, but tell others this little fact and your life is over! As it was, Santana Lopez was around in what felt like minutes bearing red wine and the tray of Crème Eggs._

"Can you believe I actually asked him if he loved me!"

"What the hell did you do that for?"

Mercedes reached for a clean tissue and blew her nose. "I thought I loved him."

"And now?"

"Based on this weekend he's a total knobhead!"

Santana shot her a disappointed expression. "Knobhead? Is that the best you can do?"

"For now. I'm not as good with insults as you are."

"Do you want me to cut him?"

"No San, I-"

"Are you sure? I can make it so there are no visible markings. All people will see is that he's walking a bit funny…"

"Nah. I wouldn't waste your energy. I've thought about our relationship and have decided that it was just a bit of fun." Mercedes hoped that by saying the words aloud it would help her to believe them more.

"It was more than just a bit of fun for you Cedes! You thought you loved him!"

Mercedes laughed bitterly. "Clearly I was wrong."

"Not completely. There was one part of his body you were definitely in love with, but it sounds like he's in love with it too and that kind of relationship would never work out." Santana licked the sticky fondant middle from her third egg while Mercedes bit the top from her fourth. "How about if I cut _her_ instead?"

She shook her head. "Nah. She'd probably like it. She looked like one of those perky happy people that would fuck your boyfriend, smile and tell you to fucking 'have a nice day'!"

"Ooooh… Bitch!"

"Definitely!"

Mercedes started welling up again for the umpteenth time. "And you know that the worst part of it is?"

Santana pulled yet another tissue from the box and handed it to her friend. "You're going to tell me."

"The worst of it is I feel guilty for feeling upset about this because I should be more upset about my parents."

"And are you? Upset about them I mean."

"Of course I am. They're my parents. But mum's MIA and dad's living the life of Riley in her absence and I'm stuck wondering what the hell kind of appropriate reaction I should have!"

"What kind of reaction do you want to have?"

"I want to crack open that bottle of red and a new box of Benson and Hedges!"

Santana shrugged and pulled the quilt over her own lap. "So let's do it then!"

And as she poured the final drops from the bottom of her glass, Mercedes cringed for the umpteenth time that evening. "Shit Santana! Finn's my boss! I have to go into work and face him tomorrow!"

Santana was too busy reaching for the cork screw and the second bottle. "Screw that Mercy! You can worry about that tomorrow when you actually see him!"

* * *

_Yet again I remember too late that its never wise to open a new bottle of wine when I have to be at work early the next morning. I left Santana asleep on the couch in just her bra and knickers. I don't remember her falling asleep or stripping but I definitely know better than to try and wake her up when she's asleep. Her boss is too scared of her to pull her up for being late anyway!_

_One of the best things about being late is hitting the point where you accept you're already going to be late so you lose the need to rush anymore. Plus the hangover is desperately requiring a bacon sandwich from the local greasy spoon and they always take an age to put them together._

Mercedes walked to her desk, ignoring the disapproving look from Sue for her lateness. "Stuck on the tube again were we?"

"Nope!" Mercedes didn't feel the woman deserved an explanation so she didn't even bother with one. She was already far too distracted anyway. Looking through the plexiglass she saw Finn and Fitzherbert in a meeting with Rachel who was leaning over Finn showing him some papers, her small perky boobs pointing a little bit too close to his face in a way that looked like it was practically unintentional. She knew she had work of her own to do but that didn't stop her eyes from being constantly drawn to the sight of them. Suddenly she wished more than anything that the wall of his office was solid rather than glass!

As if he could feel her stare Finn turned to look at her with an almost apologetic expression on his face.

_No I will not feel sorry for this man!_

Sensing Fin's distraction Rachel looked up too and caught her eye, breaking out into a huge smile as if she were genuinely happy to see her.

Realising she was staring Mercedes sadly looked away and made more of an effort to focus on her work. It wasn't until an hour later when FItzherbert and Rachel had disappeared that she finally worked up the courage to make her way over. It was sod's law that she had present the findings of her teaser campaign to him this morning for it to be taken to the bigwigs 'upstairs'. Sue had been shooting her uncharacteristic concerned looks all morning but rather than tea and sympathy, she needed to get this over and done with so that she could go out for an extended and much deserved cigarette break.

Instead of brazenly striding through the door with a cheeky flirtatious grin as she had been doing over recent weeks she knocked quietly before shuffling in. Finn simply stared at her with an expression somewhere half way between guiltily and sheepish as she started to fill him in on the various responses to the progressive reveal of her project. She'd managed to get through nearly a third of it before he worked his way up to interrupting her.

"Look, the thing is, with Rachel and me… Well… You know…"

_Oh HELL TO THE NO! He is not going to get away with it this easily._

She stared back at him, hard, but she kept her voice low and calm. "Hmmmm… No. I _don't_ know. _You'll_ have to fill me in."

Finn shifted awkwardly and cast his eyes to the ground. "Well, the truth is…"

_Phrase guaranteed to precede a lie but I'll let him dig himself in a little deeper first…_

"The thing is, we're the same, Jones, you and me. We're just two people of a certain age, looking for the moment to commit and finding it really hard." He rose from where he was leaning against his desk and started to pace a little before continuing. "And I just think that in the end, it's got to be something extraordinary that makes us go that extra mile…" He bit his lip. "And I think that Rachel… maybe it's being American, or something to do with confidence, and being so… young… you know…"

_Oh hell this man did NOT just go and say that he went for Rachel because he was basically trading me in for a younger model!_

Mercedes could feel her blood literally begin to boil inside of her. She watched as Finn ambled towards her with a pathetic expression on his face and suddenly she couldn't work out what the hell it was that she had found so attractive in this pathetic lanky, if you look hard enough he actually is starting to show his age around his eyes, man. And _still_ he wasn't finished. "So yeah. Rachel and I... We've become very close."

She narrowed her eyes and shook her head. "No, wait a minute. She's only just flown over from New York…

_Of course! Silly Mercedes! All those calls from the New York office that would take him away from his desk. That same New York office that he'd worked in for several months last year. All his random unexplained long weekends that he would come back sleepy from…_

_How the hell did I not work it out before now? Who could he have possible known long enough for him to say 'I love you' to? Because his use of those three words was something else she'd forgotten about._

Finn went to reach for her arm but Mercedes took a step back so he continued talking instead, confirming what she'd feared. "I got to know her pretty well when we were in the New York office together."

"Oh." Mercedes mind was reeling. What else could she say to that?

"Oh fuck… " If it were physically possible, Finn suddenly seemed to look even more uncomfortable. "Look, there's no easy way to say this but I wanted you to be the first to know this… that we, Rachel and I, we're engaged."

_Way to drop a bombshell!_

Mercedes was lost for words. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. Finn had literally just cast her to the ground, then thrown in a kick with a spiked boot for good measure. She'd always wanted to get married! She'd already dreamed about what her wedding to Finn would be like! And now here he was, about to do it with somebody else all along! There were no words to describe that kind of betrayal!

_Step away Mercedes before you rip off his balls with your bare hands!_

Deciding to take the moral high ground and step away with her dignity before she said something she would later live to regret she simply turned back to the door to leave. Her exit would have been swift if it were not for the fact that Rachel chose that precise moment to come in, probably having seen their encounter through the glass.

Again she had that huge saccharine sweet smile on her face. "Hey Mercedes! I see Finn's already told you our news!"

_Where the hell does this bitch get off?_

Rachel took her hand and held it between her own and it took all of Mercedes' willpower as well as the power of prayer to stop her from snatching it back and smacking her across her smug little face with it. But of course, the younger woman had absoloutely no clue and simply carried on talking. "I can't believe how lucky I am to be becoming Mrs Hudson! But I just wanted to reassure you that this in no way lessens the feelings that my Finn has for you. I know he cares about you very much and, well, you're very pretty and I'm open minded so I'm sure we could maybe all come to some sort of arrangement…"

_For the second time in as many minutes she felt the phrase push its way to the front of her mind, OH HELL TO THE NO! I am NOT going to be part of any freaky ménage arrangement with Finn and his hobbit-resembling girl!_

Knowing that she'd reached the end of her tether, Mercedes snatched her hand from the Rachel's clutches, gave her a harsh side-eye and stormed out of the door, leaving the younger with her mouth open in shock, turning to Finn with an expression of 'what did I do wrong?' all over her face which for all Mercedes knew was actually pretty genuine!

Ignoring Emma's questioning glare she reached for her handbag, pulled out the pack of cigarettes and headed out to the smoking room to try and straighten out her thoughts. It didn't take long. Quickly stubbing out her smoke Mercedes rushed back to the office, not even pausing to return the pack to her back before walking straight back through the glass door, this time without the hesitant knock.

Rachel looked up at her with a worried expression. "I hope I didn't offend you just now. I just didn't want to let what I have with Finn get in the way of what you guys have-"

"Had!" said Mercedes coldy, "_Had!_"

The broken expression on the younger girl's face took a little of the wind out of her sails. _Maybe this ratchet fool is genuine and thinks we can come to some agreement about Finn! Poor baby will grow up soon! But if she is genuinely nice, it goes against everything I am to be a bitch to her. If anything, she should be going ballistic over me and she hasn't!_

"Okay Rachel, I'm only going to say this once... Congratulations on your engagement. I really hope Finn can make you genuinely happy but please don't settle for less than you deserve and don't think you need to share him just to keep him happy. Because you deserve someone who loves you enough to make you the sole focus of their attention. I personally think that you can do better, but if polyamorous relationships are your thing then so be it. All I can say that it isn't mine. I don't do sharing!"

She turned to Finn who looked like he was cowering. "And as for _you…_ I had a whole speech prepared but I've narrowed it down to the four word version and it goes like this… FUCK YOU! I QUIT!"

With that she spun on her heels and strode out the door, letting it slam behind her. Sue looked up as she grabbed her bag and Mercedes shot her a smug smile. Sue's dour face was one she definitely wasn't going to miss.

"Mercedes! You can't quit without giving notice-" Finn was at his door with a flushed face but Mercedes was having none of it.

"I'm sure you'll think of something to tell HR. Because if I have to do it then I'll make sure to also tell them about the unauthorized board meetings, get them to check your phone records and tell them the real reason why the photocopier on the third floor was mysteriously broken for two days."

All the colour drained from his face. "But you… I mean you can't just… Where the hell do you think you're going?"

Mercedes shrugged. "To be honest I wasn't quite sure, but then I remembered I was away at the weekend and haven't had the chance to buy milk so I might just pop into Waitrose while it's quiet!"

Finn frowned. It wasn't quite the answer he was expecting because it wasn't actually the reply to the question he was asking.

But Mercedes was having no more of it. With a quick smile and a small wave of her fingers to Rachel she turned and was gone forever.

She must have spent at least an hour in Waitrose, wandering up and down the aisles, mentally processing what she'd just done and only just feeling it dawn on her that she was now as of this moment unemployed. Sure she had savings that would last her a few months and keep her in home and food but she was going to have to be serious about getting herself out there as a good reference was unlikely to be forthcoming. Wondering why her arm was suddenly painful she looked down and saw her basket precariously full of items that she didn't even remember selecting.

_Why is it that whenever I come to the shop for one thing I buy everything else and leave behind the one thing that I really wanted?_

Rushing to the dairy aisle before she could be any further distracted she grabbed two pints of semi skimmed and then had to double back again for some extra sanitary products before she finally made her way to the checkouts. The sooner she could get home to wallow alone in her misery the better.

As she was paying she could have sworn she felt somebody looking at her but she was too busy signing for her card to turn around. Lifting her bags she literally made it five steps away before one split and a couple of tins of rice pudding hastily made their exit. Utterly mortified she bent down to scramble for her rapidly escaping items when she saw a large hand grab the tin furthest away.

She was about to say something rude when she realized that the hand was attached to none other than Sam Evans. _Great! Of all the people in all the places…_

"Looks like you could do with a hand!"

Despite herself she felt a small blush coming on at the mortifying nature of the situation. "Oh. I'm fine. But thanks."

"You don't look fine!" He grabbed another carrier bag and started to load her retrieved things into it. He smiled at her amiably and she internally kicked herself for thinking that he had a lovely smile rather than staying annoyed with him. "And how come you're shopping in the middle of the day?"

"I could ask you the same question!"

"My answer is simple. My case this morning was adjourned early due to one of the plaintiffs not turning up. We reconvene this afternoon so I thought I'd grab a few things to save me doing it after work in case things overrun. So what about you?"

"I-" _What the hell am I supposed to say? Sam knows Finn and knows we work together. If I say I just quit it will raise all sorts of alarm bells. _"I wasn't feeling well so I decided to head back home."

Sam shot her a concerned look. "You do look a bit flushed. Come on, I'll give you a lift."

"No! I mean, I'm fine. It's not far from here."

"Mercedes, you're looking quite peaky and my car's just over there. It's no trouble I promise."

"I couldn't possibly ask you to!" Somehow they had walked out of the store and were already standing in the car park.

"You didn't ask, I offered. Besides, there's every chance one of your bags could split again and I won't be there to help you next time."

She wanted to keep saying no but she was both mentally and physically exhausted and the idea of having a lift was getting more and more appealing. "Only if you're sure it's okay…"

By the time she had finished saying the words Sam had already taken her bags from her hands and was leading the way.


	9. A Fresh Start

_Dear diary _

_What the hell have I done?_

_Today has officially been one of the weirdest days of my life! I hit rock bottom when I saw that Rachel freak in the office but have decided to fight back stronger. So apparently I'm too old and not 'special' enough for Finn am I? Well I'll show him what Mercedes Jones is really made of! He's not worth my tears and my time. I'm going to revisit those New Year's resolutions of mine, but this time with a bang!_

_First, I think I need a little bit of me time tho…_

The next few weeks sped by. Sam had dropped her home from Waitrose in complete silence. He looked as if he wanted to talk but Mercedes was in her own world, the reality of the fact that she'd just walked out of her job suddenly hitting her like a ton of bricks and making her feel quite nauseous. She had thanked him at the front door but he insisted on helping to carry her shopping up to the flat because her building had no lift. That then brought about the dilemma of whether or not she should invite him in. She didn't want to because she didn't want to have to speak about the happenings of the day or give him the opportunity to gloat over the ending of her relationship with Finn. Plus it was in a complete state with tissues, empty wine bottles and chocolate wrappers from the night before. And there was every chance that there could even still be a still sleeping Santana in a state of undress on her sofa. Yes he'd been nice at the breakfast the previous day, but that didn't mean she'd forgotten who he was and what he'd done. He and Finn were as bad as each other when it came to relationships as far as she was concerned. It was just a shame because Sam was starting to seem really not as bad as he'd come across on their first meeting, especially as he was able to give a legitimate explanation for his behaviour. Plus he was also rapidly becoming more and more physically attractive by the second!

_Scratch that… He's downright sexy!_

Thankfully the option of having to deal with it right then was taken out of her hands. Sam needed to return to his office so the potentially uncomfortable situation of maybe inviting him in was avoided, but not before he spent a moment telling her that he hoped she felt better soon with a genuine expression on his face. It was the straw that broke the camel's back and the moment she had clicked the door shut behind him the tears returned in earnest as did the pain in her chest.

And yet she couldn't help but feel a little sad as Sam left, wishing that maybe she could have been a little more pleasant to him. After all, he had done her a kind deed, and although she'd thanked him, she was still left feeling a little mean.

She really did care about Finn. The fact that he'd turned out to be a complete twat did help to lessen the pain, but it didn't erase it completely. He left a raw wound which would take a while to heal over. Rachel with her perky breasts and her stupid blunt and slightly too long fringe hanging over her forehead was more than welcome to him. There was no way on earth she would ever tolerate a man of hers seeing someone else. Mercedes knew that she deserved far better than that. Poor Rachel seemed to think that Finn did genuinely care for her, and maybe in his own weird way he thought that he _was_ being serious about Mercedes, but the fact that he could ask someone else to marry him despite sleeping with her meant there was no way she could trust his affections or intentions.

The only regret she had was that he was damned good between the sheets and her body was going to miss that bitterly. The dry spell had been a long one!

With a sigh she finally pulled herself together, put her shopping away and curled up under a warm blanket with a jar of Nutella and a spoon.

_I WILL get over this! I WILL!_

The chocolate definitely helped her mood.

_I just can't believe he cashed me in for a younger model! I know I constantly get teased by uncle Will about my biological clock ticking but I'm not THAT old yet! I can still act young and exciting. I may not be super young and irritatingly perky but I still have a lot to offer! I'm exciting and spontaneous and…_

Mercedes paused with the spoon hanging from her mouth. She said she was exciting and spontaneous but was she really? Yes she'd just walked out of her job without even turning her head but what else could she achieve? Enjoying her time off and taking a gap year to travel around Nepal to broaden her mind or something like that would be amazing but slightly out of her budget.

But then again… she could definitely do with a holiday and there was nothing to say she couldn't actually take one. It's not as if she had anywhere she actually needed to be tomorrow or the next few days after that! Maybe she could take a few days to lie on a beach and think about what her options in life were. Should she change her career or go for something that was more of the same? Could she use this opportunity to make a fresh start?

Ten minutes later the jar was empty and decisions had been made.

_I choose NOT to succumb to the life of the lonely middle aged spinster with nothing but a house full of cats for company, who looks back on her life with regret. The kind of woman who eventually, after repeated complaints from the neighbours about the smell, ends up found dead all alone, body half eaten by the cats, still propped up by cushions on the sofa with half a bottle of red and a glass on the coffee table and the TV still on playing re-runs of Fraiser..._

_Oh Shit! I'm DEFINITELY going to be spontaneous and take charge of my life!_

Necking the remainder of the second bottle of wine from the night before she quickly put away the Nutella jar and got to work.

Three hours and a quick pop to the high street later she sat back down in a total state of shock. Mercedes Jones, former girlfriend of Finn Hudson had disappeared to be replaced with a new and improved version. This Mercedes Jones was a woman on a mission. Into the bin went in the books on finding a man, to be replaced by books on finding yourself. Joining them in the bin went her cigarettes and wine bottle only for the wine bottle to be quickly snatched back out. With the three second rule and all that there was _definitely_ no need to waste half a bottle of decent plonk!

That minor lapse aside, bad habits were going to be given up and she was determined to make sure that the gym membership she'd just paid for wasn't going to be a waste of money. On her desk she placed paperwork from the three job agencies she had signed up for, telling them that she would be available for work after a week. Finally she pulled out her passport and flight confirmation for a last minute holiday. This time tomorrow she was going to be sipping sangria on the beach in an all-inclusive resort in Marbella at a ridiculously cheap last minute rate that had been too good to pass up. She had literally just come out of the bookshop, passed the advert in the window of the local travel agent and thought _why not? _Even with adding a single supplement it was still more than worth it and it wasn't like she had somewhere to be tomorrow! Yes, a holiday was _exactly_ what she needed. None of her friends would be able to come but this trip was all about herself, not others. Having just finished reading Eat, Pray, Love she was feeling more than inspired. Who knows, maybe a holiday fling would be the thing to wash Finn Hudson right out of her hair!

An hour later the cigarette cravings were strong but she was determined to get through it. Moments before she finally succumbed to fishing them back out of the bin her phone rang.

"Hello dumpling! Are you sick? I rang you at work and they said you weren't there but couldn't give any explanation!"

_I bet they couldn't! _Mercedes sighed. In all her drama of the day she'd completely forgotten about her mother and the drama that that he had generated of her own. "Hello mother!"

"You don't sound happy to hear from me!"

_What exactly was the woman expecting? _"I'm just surprised about what's happened, that's all."

"Why? You knew that I haven't been happy for years!"

Mercedes twirled a lock of hair around her forefinger. "Have you even spoken to dad yet?"

"I'm sure he's fine. I heard he's been out and about at the pub every night and letting his standards of dress slip in front of the community."

"He's hurting on the inside mum. He's just doing his best to cover it up."

"Don't be so silly. I doubt he's barely even noticed my absence yet!"

"Or course he has! And I can't believe that not only have you left him, you've gone and 'shacked up' with a younger man!"

"Don't be so crude Mercedes! I'm not 'shacked up' with anyone. Noah has a spare room and kindly offered to let me stay with him while I find my feet and I've taken him up on that. There's nothing untoward going on."

"That's not how it looks to everyone else!"

"Oh don't be silly! Your father comes to the craziest conclusions sometimes!"

"It's not crazy mother! I haven't met the guy yet and even I know that he has a reputation. He's broken marriages before. You need to stay clear of him!"

"Nonsense! I can't believe you as my own flesh and blood would think that of me!"

"Well what am I supposed to think? You have his picture in the living room for heaven's sake. You don't even have picture of _me_, you own daughter on display!"

"That's because I told you to go for one of those professional photo shoots but you never listened to me. They can make anyone look pretty you know!"

"_Mum! _I can't believe I let you say stuff like that to me!"

"It's only the truth! If you let them give you a makeover then maybe you'll finally get a man!"

"I have a-" _Shit! I can't even gloat about that anymore! "_I _had _a man."

The chuckle that came down the line set Mercedes' teeth on edge. "But let me guess, you couldn't keep him!"

"Mum! Why do you have to be so negative all the time!"

"It's not me that's negative, it's _you_ darling! I've been wanting grandchildren for years and you're my only hope. Maybe if you did something with your hair… That weave is looking so dated. You know they have this new thing where it looks like a natural parting! It would soften your look dramatically, especially if you combine it with getting your colours done and dropping those last few pounds."

_Mother has given up directly telling me to lose weight, thinking that it would be psychologically more encouraging if she pretended I was already in the process of doing it and just needed to finish it off with a few more pounds. And when she says pounds read that to mean a couple of stone…_

Camille clearly thought that she was justified in playing the injured party and Mercedes had no intention of entertaining that notion. "Okay I've had enough of this! We're not talking about me, we're talking about you. _Please_ can you sort things out with dad! He says you just upped and left in the middle of Bergerac without any warning. The whole world thinks you're having an affair with a younger man and I just don't want to be another statistical child of a broken marriage!"

"How selfish! You're always thinking about _you you you_!"

Mercedes let out a growl and held the phone away from her ear while she took a couple of deep breaths. "Look mum, I can't do this right now. I'm going on holiday tomorrow and I need to pack so I'll call you when I get back okay?"

"What? Wait-"

Mercedes kissed her teeth and hung up the call. He mum would be the end of her. They always ended up getting into it with each other whenever she called and yet they still communicated on a regular basis. It was an odd relationship, with more friction than affection, but that's just the way it was. It didn't mean that neither of them didn't care for the other, however exasperated they got. And they frequently got _very_ exasperated!

* * *

Eight weeks later and Mercedes _was _a changed person. Sort of…

The holiday had been amazing and exactly what she'd needed. A week in the sun, eating fresh fruit, skipping her alcohol ban to sip sangria and re-reading her John Grisham and Jane Austen collections was the best therapy in the world. One of the bartenders had taken a shine to her and flirted relentlessly. He was attractive and although nothing actually happened, because holiday flings weren't really being Mercedes' thing, the confidence boost it had given her was immense.

The gym membership had lasted a whole impressive five weeks! Most of that time was spent hidden in the all-female sauna because the room with the treadmills was unisex and permanently inhabited by clientele with toned bodies and rock hard abs. And that was just the women! Then there was the fact that she couldn't lift weights, do stomach crunches or coordinate leg and arm movements in step class. The final straw was when she'd eventually tried the treadmill, only to get caught up in the speed dial, causing it to go faster that she normally would have done, before finally freeing herself as a particularly large group of hot young men entered. Stepping off the machine in what she'd hoped would be a 'cool' manner, her overworked legs instantly gave out, causing her to fall flat on her face, unable to get back up without their assistance, and finally a couple of them had to help her to walk out and get a drink before calling a member of staff to check that she was really okay. Mortifying! Needless to say she had never stepped foot back into _there_ again!

Temping had given her several experiences, some good, some bad and some downright embarrassing! Like the time in one office when nobody told her the code to the loos, so being desperate she'd decided to be clever and use the men's that somebody had left open, only to discover that the reason it had been left open was because the lock was broken and the location on a deserted corridor meant that it was over and hour and a half before an utterly mortified Mercedes was released by an aged janitor who looked like he'd been woken up from his nap to get her and wasn't best pleased about it. Or the time when she'd been walking into a boardroom full of directors to take the minutes of their meeting but her somehow her skirt caught on the drinks trolley as she passed causing an audible ripping sound and leaving a chunk of her thigh and the edge of her knickers exposed.

Despite those dramas, there was one position that she'd enjoyed very much, being personal assistant for the director of a small upstart advertising agency. 'AA Ads' was a new young company run by an Artie Abrahams. He was hilarious but in a good way, and flirtatious in a non-creepy way. Her background and experience in advertising was a bonus and he was able to pick her brains on several things. It was one of the first positions that the agency had placed her in for a week and she'd been stunned to receive a call weeks later to say that not only was the position now permanently vacant, but that Mr Abrahams had requested to interview her for the position before advertising it anywhere. Ten minutes into the interview it was a foregone conclusion. She would be having the position, which, incidentally paid better than her last job, and the rest of the interview time was spent chatting about their respective lives. If it wasn't for the fact that she was currently sworn off men and most definitely never ever going to engage in an office romance ever again, she would definitely have considered seeing more of the young bespectacled wheelchair bound entrepreneur out of hours. Somehow he'd already conveyed within hours of their first meeting that his spinal injury in no way impaired his function when it came to certain physical 'activities' and she was more than aware that despite his flirtation, his charm was genuine. Plus there were only six other members of staff in the company and they were all incredibly nice and reasonably normal which was always a bonus!

She was actually really looking forward to starting her new position! A nice lazy evening in front of the TV then off to start her new career! Flicking through her filofax her breath suddenly caught in her throat and she choked.

_Oh shit! I'm supposed to be out tonight! Rory and Sugar are having a dinner party and I can't cancel on them for a third time in a row despite the fact that I really want to! I'm all out of excuses and it's too short notice!_

Glancing up at the clock on her wall she realized that there was less than an hour for her to get ready and get herself there!

_Shit! Fuck! Shit! Fuck! Shit!_

Leaping up and heading straight to her bedroom she pulled out the little deep purple dress that she'd picked up in the Boxing Day sales. It was one of those ones that didn't need ironing and could be dressed up for any occasion. Perfect for those times where you need to look presentable in a hurry. Ringing for a taxi she leaped into the shower and prayed there would still be hot water this late in the day.

There wasn't.

Rory and Sugar were one of those really annoying couples. Sugar's mother and her own mother had been firm friends until Sugar's mother sadly succumbed to cancer a couple of years previously. Their mother's friendship meant that the two of them had become friends by default as children. It wasn't that Mercedes had anything against Sugar, she was actually a really lovely girl, its just that she was everything Mercedes wasn't. She was pretty and delicate and feminine, constantly adored by the boys and slim as a rake. Obviously she'd met a wonderful lawyer by the time she was twenty one and by twenty three was walking down the aisle in a designer meringue like creation in an over the top fairytale style wedding which was everything that Camille had wanted for Mercedes. It was hard trying to compete with all that seeming perfection.

And so now Sugar and Rory were the typical textbook definition of a 'smug married' couple. They had the house, the car, the holidays and the lifestyle. Obviously, they also had kids, boys obviously, Anthony and Elliott who at five and seven were the most precocious children known to man because inside their heads they weren't children at all, but adults who knew more than everyone else and were incredibly opinionated. _Whoever the person was who said that children should be seen and not heard clearly made that statement in response to being stuck in a room with those two children for more than ten seconds!_

Obviously the taxi was early and she had to lean out of her window still dressed in a towel to beg him to wait while he grumbled about charging her waiting time.

And of course, arriving late meant that everyone was already seated around Sugar's ridiculously huge dining table when she arrived full of apologies and clutching the bottle of wine from the off licence that she'd had to ask the already pissed off driver to wait for her at when she remembered half way there that she was going empty handed!

She was still smoothing down her dress as Sugar stood to hug her before making the introductions. A quick scan told her that yet again it was all couples (because smug marrieds are always drawn to other smug marrieds), with her sat alone at the end of a table, the empty seat next to her shouting 'hey look I'm single' to the world! Some of the faces she already knew and she barely listened as Sugar ran through the names, each couple smiling and saying 'hi' and an annoying synchronised manner, some even waving and all, she noticed, were already starting to look like each other.

"…and finally, from Rory's chambers at work, Sam Evans and Quinn Fabray!"

_Let the ground just open and swallow me now! _They both smiled and said 'hi' although Sam's smile was significantly more genuine than Quinn's. _With Rory being a lawyer, obviously he had to know and work with the only other lawyer that she'd ever met…_

Thankfully they were far enough down the table for her not to have to engage in too much conversation with them. But didn't stop the barrage of questions as she tried to focus on her food though. The first of them came while she was only a couple of spoons into her soup. It was from Paul. He was married to Olivia who'd been matron of honour at Sugar's wedding, now turned super baby making machine. "So Mercedes, are you still with that advertising chap?"

She felt the sound of conversation around the table lower slightly. "Um... Actually no. We decided… we decided it wasn't for the best."

"Oh well that's a shame. I thought maybe finally you'd found the one to take you off the market before you started gathering dust up there on the shelf!"

Mercedes was mortified at his rudeness but clearly nobody else seemed to find anything offensive in what he'd just said! The only reaction that caught her eye was that of Sam. His eyebrow had arched and a small smile danced around his lips the second she'd mentioned them no longer being together. _Of course he would be happy about it. He and Finn wish nothing but bad things for each other!_

By this time everyone else seemed to be tuning into the conversation. Peter gave her a knowing smile. "Such a shame. You really ought to hurry and get yourself knocked up before it's too late!" He leaned to his heavily pregnant wife Poppy next to him who looked like she literally was about to 'pop' the baby out any second, and fondly stroked her distended belly. "Time's moving on for you! Tick tock and all that!"

_I'm going to shove a clock up the arse of the next person that says 'tick tock' to me!_

Despite the fact that she was shooting dark looks at him, Peter continued, seemingly oblivious, "I never understood that. There's so many wonderful women in their thirties, gorgeous and ripe for the picking, but yet they stay single. Why is that?"

His wife nodded rapidly. "Yes, why are there so many single women in their thirties? Is there something you're not telling us Mercedes?"

"Oh I don't think Mercedes bats for the other team, but the question remains valid," chirped another voice, "This plague of maturing single women is getting endemic!"

_I'm not THAT old!_

This time the entire table was in silence and all eyes were trained on her.

"Yes, _what is _the reason for all these lovely single women?" Yet another male voice added to the barrage of questioning and even the sound of cutlery on plates had stopped as there was a lull in eating as everybody focused on her.

_Since when have I become the spokeswoman for every single woman in the world who doesn't have a man?_

Mercedes didn't know if she wanted to run out of the room screaming or crying! How the hell was she supposed to know why there were so many single women in their thirties?

"Well… I guess…" She could feel her voice wobble and her eyes starting to sting as tears of humiliation began to form.

Her salvation came from a totally unexpected corner. "I think it's partly men's fault." Sam's voice suddenly rang out, causing heads to turn away from her and over to him. "They have a tendency to play around with women's hearts and emotions and it's hard to bounce back from that sort of thing quickly."

Mercedes shot him a grateful look for stepping in at the perfect moment and he nodded almost imperceptibly at her in response. Finally sensing that her friend was getting upset, Sugar quickly changed the subject by asking Mercedes about her new job and the conversation began to flow around the table again.

Luckily the fact that she was starting a new job gave her the perfect excuse to leave early and had just slipped one arm into her coat when she felt someone helping her on with the other. Gasping at the unexpected tingle it gave her she looked up to see that it was Sam, looking as gorgeous as ever.

"Um. Thanks." Mercedes straightened and buttoned her coat as he watched her with a smile. _Why the hell is he out here when I already said goodbye to everyone in the dining room? _Anyway, it gave her the perfect opportunity so she might as well take it. "And thanks for sticking up for me in there. You didn't need to do that."

"Well I couldn't very well let them descend on you like a flock of vultures like that. Your business is your business. But for what it's worth, I'm sorry that Finn hurt you."

She frowned "How do you know Finn hurt me?"

Sam shrugged. "It's what he does. And you didn't deserve it."

"Yeah, well thanks again." She really didn't feel like bringing Finn up right now. "And your answer was pretty amazing. Way better that the one I would have come up with, which would have been some rant about how guys don't like me unless I change myself into what they typically find attractive."

It was Sam's turn to frown. "That's not true!"

"And how would _you_ know that?" Mercedes challenged.

"I know because _I _like you."

She felt her breath hitch and the room began to heat up. "Huh?"

"I said I like you," Sam stated simply, with an honest and open expression on his face, "Just as you are."

"Just as I am?"

He opened his mouth to reply but Quinn chose that precise moment to make her appearance. "Oh _there you are! _You have to come back quick because Rory's just had the most excellent idea on what we can do to prevent another adjournment!"

Sam opened his mouth to say something but the words didn't come out. Instead, yet again his shoulders slumped and he turned to Quinn and nodded before turning back to Mercedes. "I have to-"

"I know. My taxi's already outside anyway so I guess I'll catch you another time."

"I guess so."

And as she sank into the spacious back seat, Mercedes spent the entire journey pondering over the question. _Okay so what the hell does 'I like you' mean?_


	10. Interesting Developments

"He said he liked you?" Tina's eyes were wide with fascination while her brow creased slightly in confusion.  
Mercedes nodded, still trying to get her own head around Sam's one liner in the hope that it would make it make more sense. "Yep. He said he liked me just as I am."  
"Just as you are?"  
She'd been repeating after Mercedes like a parrot the instant she'd called her friends together to fill them in and Mercedes was starting to find it tiresome. She turned to Santana who was just as wide eyed and for once in her life utterly lost for words.  
"Well... fuck me!" She finally exclaimed, turning to Kurt in the hope that he might have something more constructive to say than that.  
He didn't. He just held his mouth wide open and gaped at her as if she had two heads. She'd expected him to reply with some lewd smart-arsed comment yet even the great Kurt Hummel seemed lost for words. But then he suddenly found them again and she wished he hadn't. "You mean, exactly just as you actually are? Not with a slightly smaller bum or a slightly snazzier dress sense?"  
This time she rolled her eyes. "I'll have you know white girls _wish_ they had a booty like mine! And there's absoloutely nothing wrong with the clothes I wear. I may get lazy sometimes but I'm not a complete fashion disaster!"  
Kurt simply grinned and ran a hand through his hair "I know some great stylists. Shagged one backstage at a photoshoot last week actually..." He stared wistfully into the middle distance at the memory as the three girls with him cast disgusted looks at each other. "Kurt, neither you nor my mother are going to get me to try out a new look. Believe it or not, I've gotten over my 'post-Finn mid-life crisis' and am happily back to being ditzy little me!"  
To his credit he did look a little apologetic. "I'm not saying there was anything wrong with-"  
She cut him off with a raise of her hand. "Good. Because that would have been a shame. But seriously guys, I need your opinions. I've never had some random guy say this to me before!"  
"But he's _not_ some random guy," Tina remarked as she topped up her wine without offering it to anyone else, "You used to swim naked in his paddling pool!"  
"That has nothing to do with this!"  
"That has _everything _to do with this!" Santana cried. "He sees you as this wild free sexy nymph!"  
"Nymph!" Mercedes shook her head, laughing. "You've called me all sorts of things through the years Satan, but I think 'nymph' definitely tops them all!" Santana simply smiled back at her, proudly. "You guys really are _no help_!"  
"But what exactly do you expect us to say?" Mercedes opened her mouth to reply when it suddenly dawned on her the reason why her friends were shooting looks at each other. _We're a little merry band of singletons. We may periodically love hard and fast then nurse each other through our broken hearts, but somehow we're all on an equal playing field of disaster. Somebody who comes along spouting words like that is a potential threat to what we have. Oh hell…_  
But it's not as if those words were ever going to lead to anything. It's engagement shattering workaholic Sam Evans for fuck's sake!  
"So he likes you just as you are and also happens to be extremely dreamy looking to boot right?"  
_I hate to agree with Kurt but dreamy is definitely the word that I'd use for him._ "He's pretty handsome in a classic sort of way." _I think that's diplomatic enough of an answer. _"But anyway, I'm probably never going to see him again anyway so let's change the subject!"  
Mercedes pretended that she didn't see the knowing looks her friends cast each other as they reluctantly changed the subject back to the vile Sebastian.

* * *

The next couple of months were great for Mercedes, life was going smoothly and she was loving her new job. Sam crossed her mind several times, but her mind was the _only_ place she actually got to see him. The only fly in the ointment to this time period was her mother. The woman was driving her to her wits end. Mercedes was spending more and more time visiting her father who was getting lonelier by the day while her mother remained elusive. They'd met a couple of times, just for tea because that's all either of them could tolerate. Her mum was still adamant that there was nothing going on between her and Puck but it didn't stop the talk, especially as they were frequently spotted buying household items together like a regular couple. She was still a member of the WI but they were more wary of her than before.  
"I don't really see what you're fussing about dumpling," Camille said as she waved for a fresh pot of tea, "Your father's taken up golf and he told me he's even gone and bought himself a pair of those stupidly patterned trousers that men who go golfing wear!"  
"Mum! He's missing you!"  
"Don't be so silly!"  
"I'm not!"  
"Anyway, if he wants to see me, he knows where I am!"  
_Well that's new..._  
And then, a couple of weeks later, things changed.  
Camille pulled the last scone out of Mercedes' reach in case she got tempted to actually attempt to eat it. "So anyway, as I was saying, your father has gone and spent a small fortune on his own set of golf clubs. First the stupid trousers and now the equipment. I think he might actually be taking this seriously. Apparently he's even managed to make some friends at the golf club. He says they're not stuffy at all. Who would have thought, a black man playing golf in middle England!"  
As usual Mercedes was frowning, and as usual there were multiple things that were 'off' about what her mother had said, but something was niggling her and she couldn't quite place what it was.  
"Well I think it's doing him good to get out and about like that!"  
Camille thoughtfully spread clotted cream over one half of the remaining scone. "You know what dumpling, so do I!"  
_Oh my- I've just worked out what's been niggling me! She just said that dad had told her about making friends! That means they're speaking again! And if they're speaking then there's every chance that they could..._  
There was no chance to get her answer straight away as her mum suddenly leaped up with an exclamation of shock at the time, stating that she had a meal at La Porchetta, the new Italian restaurant, to get ready for.  
Only La Porchetta wasn't new. It had been open for at least eighteen months and Mercedes had lost count of the number of times she'd tried to persuade her parents to try it out but it was useless trying to get them to do anything outside of their usual routine.  
So maybe she was going with somebody else... The sense of impending dread was tangible. _Oh please don't let it be-_  
"You're not going with Puck are you?" The words came out of her mouth so quickly she barely heard them herself.  
Camille turned, clutching the handbag close to her chest, an amused frown on her brow. "With Puck? What on earth possessed you to come up with such an _absurd_ idea?" She chuckled to herself before gracefully sweeping out of the establishment, as usual, leaving Mercedes with the bill, because even though her mother had the greater personal wealth, Mercedes had the snazzy job in central London and women like Camille never actually pay for things anyway.

* * *

It was the next evening, when Mercedes popped in to see her dad that the wheels began to properly turn in her head. They had been chatting amiably when he let slip about his lunch being leftovers from an Italian meal he'd had the night before.  
_Surely it couldn't be... The chances of that happening were miniscule at best!_  
"You'd be proud of me Mercy! Finally tried out that new place on the High Street. La Bonita or something."  
"La Porchetta?"  
"Yep. That's the one. Although I don't understand why people want to pay good money in a restaurant to eat pasta that you can easily make at home. Even _I'm_ pretty nifty with a jar of Dolmio now!"

Mercedes cocked her head to the side and regarded her father carefully. "That's the second time in two days I've heard that place mentioned. Yesterday when I had tea with mum she rushed off to get ready to go to dinner, then today you say you went to the new restaurant. You know I'm going to have to ask you dad..."  
He simply shuffled and muttered something inaudible which was all the encouragement Mercedes needed to let out a cry of delight. "Yay! So you guys are finally working things out?"  
"Don't rush to conclusions Mercy. We just talked, that's all. Neutral ground and all that."  
"So she's not still with Puck?"  
"She was never with Puck. He's been seeing some dizzy blonde actress who lives in those new luxury apartments they built near the station. They think that because it has a concierge entry system they can charge an arm and a leg to live there, but there'll always be people stupid enough to pay that kind of money."  
_Irrelevant information! _"So she's moving back home?"  
"We didn't discuss that."  
"So what did you discuss?"  
"Oh I don't know!" He shrugged frustratedly.  
"How can you sit down for a three course meal and not know what you talked about dad?"  
"Look, I was just happy she came and was glad for the company. We didn't argue, if that's what you mean. We just had a meal together, that's all."  
She watched her father carefully. He was never one to let things on easily and she knew that trying to push him would only make him clam up. He stared at the dregs in his coffee mug for a moment before reaching for his cigarettes, taking one, putting it between his lips, pausing, then putting it back unlit. Something was definitely up. _The road to recovery perhaps?_

* * *

_Dear Diary _

_Today just had to go and be my fucking birthday! I hate my birthday. It's like a constant reminder that I'm getting older and I'm still single._  
_If one more well-meaning person tells me that by my age they were already married with three kids and a dog called fucking Fido I swear I'll resort to violence. I don't need to be reminded that if I'd had a child at eighteen they would be revising for their GCSE exams!_  
_Not only that, I forgot to take the day off work so that I can stay in bed, in my pajamas, with a bowl of dry Crunchy Nut Cornflakes and Meg Ryan video which would give me the perfect excuse to start drinking early!_  
_As it is, I somehow stupidly mentioned cooking for everyone then having a night in and now I'm the one stuck doing all the work! I'd better get good gifts this year! Especially as I've had to fork out for a dining table just to fit everyone in..._  
_Shit! The dining table delivery!_  
Thankfully Mercedes had an amazing boss. As soon as she walked into his office Artie had frowned at her. "What the hell are you doing here?"  
"I didn't take the day off."  
"Why the devil not? I didn't expect you in and I'll be out at meetings all day anyway!"  
_Oh well in that case…_  
"Actually I was going to ask if I could take a few hours this afternoon because I'm expecting an Ikea delivery..."  
"Just take the day off for free Mercedes. That way I won't look like a tight arse for not having ordered you a cake. It'll be here on Monday I promise."  
"Are you sure-"  
"Just go! It's Friday! Enjoy the long weekend before I change my mind and find you some data entry to do!"  
He grinned at her as he pushed up his glasses and she took the hint.  
_Okay, so Ikea will be delivering the dining table between 1 and 3 which gives me plenty of time to set it up. I've got this morning to clean the flat and shop for food._  
_Hopefully this should all go smoothly..._  
And initially it did. By lunchtime Mercedes was home from Marks and Spencer with bags laden. She was going to keep things simple. Soup was for starters, because M&S did a vegetable soup which was just a good if not better than homemade, and as far as soup making was concerned, unless she was sick or particularly craved it, she wasn't going to use her precious time to make a liquid which wasn't even alcoholic! Main was going to be roast lamb with roast vegetables and gravy made from the meat juices and as for dessert, in homage to her mother's retro tendencies and out of a certain sense of fun she developed while finding disposable shot glasses in the pound shop, she was going to go retro with jelly and icecream, only it was going to be jelly shots and Baileys icecream so that they could start the night in the alcoholic manner that they intended to continue.  
By one her hair was washed, her outfit for the night selected and her meat seasoned, busy infusing with garlic and rosemary sticking out of it every which way. By three there was no delivery but the vegetables were chopped and oven ready in their dishes with fresh herbs, olive oil and balsamic vinegar.  
By four thirty she was pissed off. Still no delivery! Jelly shots were in the fridge. The recipie had said it made twenty four but by the time she had sampled it several times it now only made nineteen and a half and she hadn't factored the fact that she was also going to need to make space in aforementioned fridge for them. Thankfully the fact that she had to take the meat out of the fridge and put it in the oven solved that problem. She was just musing which temperature to set the oven before calling up Ikea and giving them hell when her phone rang. Worst possible moment. It could only be her mum!  
"Mother!" She shut the oven door with her hip and affected a voice that was as cheerful as she could muster, which wasn't particularly cheerful at all.  
"The most bizarre thing just happened to me-"  
"I'm fine thanks mother, and how are you?"  
Camille clearly didn't get the hint. "-one minute he was all sad and tearful because he'd broken up with that girl, then the next minute he tried to kiss me!"  
"Huh? Wait- mum, who tried to kiss you?"  
"Puck!"  
"And you're surprised?"  
"Well yes! Why would he want to go and do that?"  
"Sheeesh! I don't know, maybe because you were there and he's always had a thing for you?"  
"I keep telling you there's nothing-"  
"And did you kiss him back?"  
"Of course not! I pushed him away! I could never do that to your father!"  
Camille's indignation brought a smile to Mercedes lips. There's hope yet! But rather than let the excitement reach her voice she rolled her eyes instead. "Look mum, if you play with fire you're bound to get burned!"  
"I wasn't playing with fire! But... but I'm worried about how your father might react when he hears about it!"  
"So be the one to tell him first!"  
"It's not that simple!''  
"I know it's not that simple but it's a start! "  
She sounded unsure, "I don't know..."  
"Mum! I'm your daughter! It's not up to me to fix your marriage for you! All I know is that dad still loves you very much and if you didn't still feel anything for him you'd never have pushed Puck away!"  
"But-"  
"But nothing mum! If you just-" She was stopped mid flow by the loud buzz of her entryphone. Checking out the window she saw a badly parked Ikea van with its hazard lights on. "About bloody time!" Tucking the phone under her chin she hit the door release button as she continued to speak, "Look mum I have to go. Ikea are delivering a flat pack dining table which I need go and assemble before my guests arrive for dinner. It is my_ birthday_ after all."  
"Your birthday? I thought that was on Wednesday?"  
'"Nope. That was the day I actually received you card in the mail but you were two days early!"  
Camille sounded mortified, "I am soooo sorry!"  
"Don't worry mum. At least you got the right week this time. And thanks for the vouchers by the way, Rigby and Peller definitely do the best bras for women my size!" There was a knock at the door and she quickly ushered the men bearing a box far larger than she'd expected. 'Just promise me that you'll talk to dad okay?"  
Before her mother had a chance to answer she'd already ended the call. After ushering the men into the living room she remembered the oven and switched it to a safe hundred and eighty degrees before turning to tackle the late deliverymen who decided it was her fault that they hadn't been informed of the lack of a lift even though she had clearly stated it on the delivery request. Yet their unhelpful selves _still_ turned out to be more cooperative than the table itself. By the time she'd unboxed it, checked through each of the pieces to make sure they were all present and correct and decided which way round the page of hieroglyphics, also known as the instruction sheet was supposed to be, she was deeply regretting not having paid the extra to have someone put it together for her when it was delivered. _Trust me to use today to try and score a point for feminism!_  
An hour later and panic had well and truly set in. Only one leg was attached it was definitely not looking anything like the picture. She was just in the middle of an expletive filled rant when there was a knock on the door. Assuming it was a neighbour because the front door hadn't buzzed first, she opened the door without checking, only to lose her voice mid-sentence at the sight of a slightly sheepish Sam Evans on the other side of it.  
She frowned. "Oh... Hi!"  
He beamed back at her. "Hey. Someone was coming out the front door just as I arrived so they let me in. I didn't mean to scare you."  
"I'm not scared, I'm just surprised."  
"Well don't worry. I just stopped by on an errand to give you this!" He held out a small package which she accepted from him. "It's from Rory and Sugar. A birthday present. He was supposed to drop it off as we had a meeting nearby but he got a call to say one of the boys fell and needs stiches on his head so he had to go and meet them at A&E."  
"Oh no! Is he okay?"  
"He'll be fine. Little boys cracking their heads open is like a rite of passage. I remember doing mine by pretending to be Batman and leaping from a top bunk bed at school. Never did me any harm!"  
'Much," teased Mercedes with a grin.  
"Okay, _much,_" he replied with a grin.  
_Oh lord, am I flirting? Flirting with this guy who I haven't seen for weeks and the last time I did he tells me he likes me just as I am? What are you playing at Mercedes? I need to wrap this up!_  
"Well, thank you Sam. It was kind of you to go out of your way."  
"It was nothing. Like I said, we were near."  
"True. But still..."  
He smiled at her shyly, "Besides there's something about a coming to the assistance of a birthday girl that I just couldn't resist."  
His shy smile was definitely doing something to her insides. She remembered the last time they were at her door when she'd dismissed him and resolved not to be so rude. "Would you like to come in?"  
Sam looked at her intently. His expression said he probably wanted to but politeness made him decline.  
_Come on Mercedes! You're losing him!_ "To be honest I do have an ulterior motive. The feminist in me hates that I have to say it but this particular birthday girl has friends coming to dinner and is struggling to assemble the dining table that Ikea just delivered-" Sam had already stepped forward through the entrance and into her hallway as she continued, "It's not that I can't do this kind of thing myself because I assembled both my Billy bookcases without help, but this one is, shall we say, exceptionally challenging."  
His smile made his eyes twinkle and wasn't in the least bit condescending. "I'd love to help."

Once she'd shown him through he immediately knelt by the assorted pile of wood and rolled up his sleeves before picking up the sheet of hieroglyphics disguising themselves as instructions.  
Mercedes swallowed slowly as her mouth suddenly felt parched at the sight of him. "Er- would you like a cup of tea or something?"  
He looked up at her from the paper and smiled again brightly. "I'd love one. Thanks!"  
_Happy birthday to me indeed! Suddenly have gorgeous guy with forearms like a Greek god building Ikea furniture for me! As far as I'm concerned this is something pretty close to perfection!_  
He was still checking over the pieces when she handed him the mug and he turned to her. "You know I never actually wished you many happy returns and all that for myself. You're thirty three now, right?"  
Her face burned and she stared at her hand. As far as Mercedes was concerned she'd stopped counting after twenty five! Sam looked equally embarrassed. "I'm so sorry! That was unforgivably rude of me! I have this habit of constantly putting my foot in my mouth! I was just musing over the day of that fateful turkey curry buffet. My mother had spent the entire journey up there telling me that Camille had a daughter who did some fancy job in London and was only three years younger than me. I was thinking aloud just now, that's all."  
She smiled. "Well as long as you figure out this table before my guests get here I'll forgive you!"  
The instructions said it should take twenty minutes to assemble and it did give or take another hour or so. During that time Mercedes and Sam relaxed, talking, laughing and working well together. Finally they had a finished piece which actually resembled the picture and every fold and flap functioned as it should. Only it was upside down.  
"Here, let me." Sam grabbed the table, lifting it the right way up before- "Ooooouch!"  
"What happened?"  
Sam had grabbed the back of one of his beautiful forearms. "Something sharp!" Peeling his hand back he revealed a long scratch on the back of his arm that was starting to pool with blood.  
"Come with me!" Immediately she was pulling him by his good arm into her miniscule bathroom and forced him to sit on the edge of the bath.  
"I'm fine!"  
"Sam you're bleeding. Let me clean you up before you get blood on my floor!"  
He pouted. "So it's not me you care about, it's the mess I'm making!"  
"Precisely!" They both grinned as she carefully cleaned the wound, making sure that it had stopped bleeding before applying antiseptic cream. Her smile faded as she started to realise that their close proximity combined with touching his skin was giving her all sorts of tingles. Instead she busied herself searching for a plaster, only to find that there were just three left in the box and none of them were nearly big enough to cover the wound. After a few seconds she smiled again. "I have just the thing!" Reaching into the back of the bathroom cabinet she pulled out a long strip dressing that could be cut to length. She'd bought it when one particular pair of heels were giving her blisters and normal plasters weren't quite wide enough and she expertly applied it. "There, good as new. I'm sorry it's so ugly. The box says flesh coloured but-"  
"But clearly it was referring to the flesh of an alien life form. Besides, no fabric would ever be able to capture the beautiful tone of your skin."  
_Seriously, this man is definitely trying me today!_  
In an attempt to avoid his sudden intense stare she averted her eyes and glanced at the clock. 'Shit! They were due five minutes ago so they'll be here any second! This place is a mess and I haven't even got dressed yet!"  
Sam leaped to his feet. "You get ready. What do you need me to do?"  
She thought for a second. "Can I be really cheeky and get you to take the boxes down for recycling? You can just put the door on the latch and let yourself back in."  
"As you wish!"

_Now for the Princess Bride feels!_  
The moment she heard him return and close the door behind him her entryphone buzzed. It was one of those long irritating buzzes where someone holds their finger on the button. It was also a trademark of Santana Lopez. Unfortunately for Mercedes she literally had her dress over her head and shoulders at that very moment and had to call out to Sam, "Can you buzz the door open for me? Just lift the handset then press the bottom button with the picture of a key on it. You don't need to say anything first."  
By the time he'd done it she flew out of her room to be met with an intense stare and a low whistle. "Wow! You look- you look amazing!"  
_What is with this guy? He's dropping compliments like marbles through open fingers!_  
"Er, thanks I guess." She looked down at herself. There was no time to get dolled up so all she'd done was slip into a figure hugging teal dress, take down her hair so that it framed her shoulders and slip on a pair of matching heels. Definitely nothing to write home about and definitely nothing to warrant the more than appreciative expression that was currently on his face. Looking around herself the place was still a mess and her friends were already on the stairs. They would be starving after a day at work and expecting food-  
_Shit! I haven't been checking the food! The first lot of veg should have gone in the oven twenty minutes ago._  
Flinging cushions left right and centre in an attempt to straighten up she turned sheepishly to Sam. "Can I bug you for another favour? I've totally forgotten about the food. I need you to go in the kitchen. You'll find a tray of prepared root vegetables. Can you stick them in the oven for me? And when you open the oven you'll see the lamb already in there. Just take the foil off, baste it a bit with the juices and put it back in to brown a little. I'll love you forever if you can do that for me."  
"In that case, consider it done!"  
He'd just vanished through the door when a wall of sound outside her front door alerted her to the crew's presence before the persistent knocking even began and she opened it to a chorus of whoops and happy birthday wishes before sweeping her inside with them.  
"Mercy, have you got a new neighbour or something coz we just saw the sexiest man putting out some recycling!" Kurt was critically assessing her choice of outfit with his eyes.  
"Yes! We had to stay in the car just so we could finish watching him before we came up. Fucking_ beautiful_ specimen!"  
Mercedes shut her eyes, _could their voices be any louder?_ Unfortunately even Tina found her voice. "What you have to do is go and borrow some sugar!"  
"Forget borrowing sugar, just go and _give_ him some sugar!"  
Santana was adamant. "And you'd better hurry because if you don't I sure as hell will do!"  
"Guys can you just-" Suddenly her three friends became silent and their eyes focused on the area by the kitchen door.  
With a feeling of dread she turned to see an embarrassed looking Sam. "Um Mercedes, can you come in the kitchen for a moment?''  
"Sure. But first I need to introduce you to everyone. Everyone, this is Sam, Sam Evans. And Sam, this is everyone. And when I say everyone I specifically mean my best friends Kurt, Santana and Tina!"  
Sam smiled and waved his fingers at them with a quick 'hi'. Their reply was a chorus of 'hi' which closely resembled more of a fangirl sigh. He quickly turned back to Mercedes with a stare which actually started to make her feel concerned. "I _really_ need you in the kitchen!"  
"Sure."  
As she followed him into the other room Kurt turned to Santana, "I'll cum in the kitchen for him anytime! Doesn't even have to touch me. I've got enough to go on already!"  
Santana cut her eyes at him. "I told you the man's not gay. Besides, he really needs Mercy in there not you."  
"Well just as long as they don't get any of their juices in the food I don't care!"  
Tina glared at them both. "Why does it always have to come down to sex with both of you?"  
"Because that's the way we're wired!"  
Meanwhile in the kitchen Mercedes was attempting to apologise to Sam for her friends. It was going to be a long night…


	11. Viva Salsa!

Sam refused to let on how much of the conversation he'd heard and in some ways Mercedes was glad that she didn't know. Standing with him now in the kitchen she could sense there was something very wrong but couldn't place what it was. Looking around her she noticed that the tray of prepared vegetables was still out on the side.

"What's wrong Sam? Why aren't the root veg in the oven? Did the lamb burn?"

He shook his head. "Can you smell burning?"

"No."

"What _can_ you smell?"

She literally sniffed the air. "Nothing. I can't smell anything!"

And then it hit her. Right now the kitchen _should_ be smelling of lamb infused with garlic and rosemary! Just as she was coming to that realisation he explained further.

"The oven wasn't on. The temperature was set but it wasn't switched to oven. In fact it's still cold. I didn't want to announce it aloud in front of your friends…"

Mercedes felt physically sick. "But I'm sure I-" Then she paused and thought about it. Her mother's phone call, the Ikea delivery... She remembered _thinking _about the temperature and she remembered _setting_ the temperature. But that was all. Up until now every place she'd lived in had had gas. This flat was totally electric. For the oven, instead of having one knob to light the pilot and set the temperature there were two, one for the temperature and more importantly, the other which switched between grill, fan oven and off. This was the one she had no recollection of actually turning which meant one thing. Her meat was still raw and it needed three bloody hours to cook!

She took a slow deep breath. _My name is Mercedes Jones and I am a domestic goddess. I can fix this!_  
Biting down panic she looked him straight in the eye. "Okay Sam, we won't panic. I can fix this! I'll roast the soft vegetables, boil the root vegetables and cut the meat into slices that I can pan-fry and make gravy from the juices in the pan at the end!"

_A fantastic idea if I must say so myself!_

Sam looked at her, impressed. "That should work. I'm just worried that it's your birthday and you should be having fun not slaving away in the kitchen. It's bad enough that you're already having to cook!"  
That was the least of her problems.

"It's fine. I love entertaining. Besides… I'm sort of enjoying the company too." _There I go with the flirting again!_ She felt herself flushing and quickly spun around to hide her face from him. "Let me just let everyone know what's happening."

Conversation came to a mysterious sudden halt as she rejoined her friends. Santana was stroking her new table with an impressed expression on her face. "Mercy, I'm upset that you're getting all these nice _new_ things without telling us." Her hand was still on the table but her eyes were focused on the kitchen door which Mercedes had purposely closed behind her.

"It's not how it looks," she defended herself, "he just came to drop of a gift from Rory and Sugar and ended up helping me put together the table."

"I bet he did! Sounds like something straight up from one of those pornos. Handyman turns up in nothing but a utility belt coming to fix your plumbing..."

"Stop being so crude Kurt!"

Kurt had never heeded Tina's warnings in all the years they'd known each other and wasn't about to start now. He simply looked over at Mercedes, "Well?"

"Well nothing. I just came to let you know there's been a change to the menu and a time delay due to a problem with my oven."

Kurt groaned. "I'm bloody starving and your lamb is the best!"

"Yeah well, there's no time to roast it now."

"How about we go out?" Tina asked. "I never thought it was fair that you had to cook anyway."  
"Great idea!" Santana immediately grabbed her handbag. "I know the perfect place, right by Camden Lock. Tapas to die for and the best sangria in London. The owner owes me a favour and I fucked up your birthday present so I'll earn back my brownie points."

"It's okay. I can-"

"Shh!" Santana raised a finger to shush her. She'd already grabbed her phone from her bag and was making a call. Will your _friend _be joining us?"

"Yes! Well I haven't asked him yet but I'm sure-"

Santana rolled her eyes and shot her a look that said 'why the fuck are you still standing there?' before breaking into a smile and yelling "Hola chica!" into the phone.

Kurt and Tina were simply looking expectantly between her and the kitchen door leaving Mercedes feeling awkward as hell. "You know sometimes I really _hate_ you guys!"

Kurt simply smirked. "We hate you too. That's why we want to get some serious birthday sex. Now go get your man. If Kurt can't have lamb then he wants to get his fucking tapas on instead!"

For once, even Tina wasn't showing any sympathy and she slinked back into the kitchen. "Is everything okay?" Sam was looking at her, concerned.

"Yep. But there's been another change of plans. Santana's taking us out for tapas and you're invited. That is, if you want to come. My friends can be a bit…"

"Charming?"

Mercedes laughed. "There are several words I thought of using but charming wasn't one of them. They might come over a bit crazy but they're lovely people, I promise."

"I don't doubt that. If you're friends with them then they must be."

"So you'll come?"

"I'll come. Just make sure that you sit next to me. And that Tina sits on the other side of me, because I have to admit I'm more than a little scared of the other two!"

It was set to be a good night. Kurt had called a taxi so that he could start drinking and while they waited they sat at the new table and worked their way through the hugely popular jelly shots. Her friends were suspiciously easy on Sam and she could sense him warming up to them.  
By the time they taxi dropped them to the restaurant Mercedes was feeling relaxed and slightly buzzed. She was dressed up and going out with her favourite people! And Santana's friend's place was funky! A tapas restaurant upstairs with a salsa club downstairs. They were immediately shown to a back booth which consisted of a round table. Mercedes slid in first, with Sam next to her and much to his relief, Tina slid in next to him on the other side. They didn't even have to order. Within minutes of arriving, there were two huge jugs of sangria in front of them and the table was spread with an assortment of small tapas dishes and bread.

"Santana, this is perfect! Thankyou!"

"No problem. You're worth it girl!"

Kurt clinked his glass with his fork. "Before we tuck in, let's make a toast to the special birthday girl, Mercedes." He raised his glass and stared her straight in the eye. "To Mercedes, who we love… just as she is!"

The others raised their glasses and repeated "Just as she is!"

_Okay, let me just die right here right now! Sam has to know that line was a direct reference to him. He'll know that I told them what he said. He'll think that I like him! Or worse still, that I'm a freak!_

Despite herself she was desperate to see his reaction and peeked at him from the side of her eye, being careful not to move her head at all. He was looking at her with a small smile playing at the corner of his mouth but said nothing.

_I knew their behavior was too good to be true! My friends are now no longer my friends. I'm going to disown them. But only after I've eaten all this delicious food because I'm starving!_

And it _was_ good. She and Sam wouldn't let anyone else touch the calamari and everyone at the table had to end up with their own bowl of olives each to prevent world war three from breaking out. But Mercedes was definitely enjoying her birthday. The drink was flowing and so was the conversation. Santana and Kurt took it upon themselves to grill Sam, but being a lawyer he took it in his stride and was even able to banter with them.

Just as they were so stuffed they couldn't eat another morsel there was applause and the staff came to the table with a cake covered in candles and sparklers singing happy birthday.

_What am I? Five?_

She was never going to let on to them that she was actually secretly enjoying the moment. As the cake was placed in front of her she mentally counted the candles. Twenty one. Her raised eyebrow caught Santana's attention. "What? You're the same age as me Mercy! I've been twenty one for the last twelve years and I've loved every second of it. Besides, I'd never be able to blow out thirty three candles in one breath unless I quit smoking!"

_Is it so wrong that I totally understand her reasoning?_

"So are you going to blow them out and make a wish?" She was surprised that it was actually Sam asking the question.

"Sure." Closing her eyes she thought for a second, took a deep breath and blew. Her wish was simple.

_Please let this be my year!_

The cake was vanilla with chocolate icing and tasted like perfection.

"Well if you guys are going to sit here all night digesting your food that's fine by me, but I'm going downstairs to gets my dance on! Us fine people need to see if we can pull! I don't know about you guys but I'm hoping maybe I can get some good hard D tonight!"

"Santana!" Mercedes shot her a look of utter mortification which her friend simply tossed aside. She was actually bi-curious but had an insatiable desire for good dick, whether it be flesh, rubber or any other material. "Come on, we're all single adults around this table. We know we have needs."

"Maybe not _everyone _here is single!"

All eyes turned to Sam and he blushed furiously. "Single. Uh, definitely single so… don't mind me!"  
Yet again Mercedes wanted to die. The worst of it was that she was sure Sam had looked directly at her when uttering the word _single._

"Anyway, I'm getting my dance on. You people can do what you like." Nobody needed to be told twice to follow Santana's lead. By the time they'd grabbed their stuff and reached the bottom of the stairs Santana was already in the middle of the dance floor dancing up close and personal with a guy who had a strong resemblance to Patrick Swayze. Kurt immediately disappeared into the crowd while Tina excused herself to go to the loo and touch up her make up leaving Mercedes alone with Sam. He smiled down at her. "Do you salsa?"

"A little." She thought back to the crush she used to have on the teacher when she and Tina used to go to Monday night salsa classes and cringed slightly.

"Good. Then let's go!"

Before she could even catch her breath Sam had spun her onto the dance floor and pulled her into some simple moves which she followed easily. "So are you having a good time tonight?"

"It's been brilliant!"

"I'm glad. Thanks for inviting me along to join in the fun."

"And thanks to you for being my Ikea hero. I'm sorry you got hurt in the process."

"It was just a scratch and I can't even feel it."

Sam spun her out and pulled her back in close again and she tried to ignore how nice it felt to be in his arms. This man just kept on surprising her. There seemed to be no question that she would be dancing with anyone else tonight. Fast songs, slow songs, all were danced with Sam until she hit the point where she needed to sit down and take a breather.

Mercedes had barely sat before Santana appeared holding a glass of glowing green liquid. "Cocktail for the birthday girl!"

_Looks like something from a horror movie but slides down like a treat!_

"Want one Sam?"

"Nah. I'm good."

Mercedes knew she was drunk but hey, it was her birthday. Anything less would be a total waste! "Where's Tina?" she asked between long slurps.

"Last I saw she was sat outside the fire exit on the phone to vile Sebastian."

"Why won't she give that loser up?"

"I don't know honey. We've all tried."

"And where's Kurt?"

Santana shrugged and this time Sam was the one with the answer. "I saw him disappear into the bathroom about ten minutes ago with a big black bloke."

"Damn!" Santana cursed. "How is it that slut _always_ seems to manage to pull faster than I do?"

It wasn't until they returned to the dance floor that the full potency of the cocktail hit her. Between the drink and the feel of Sam's chest through his shirt she was truly intoxicated.

Suddenly it was too hot, her legs were wobbly and she needed some air…


	12. Beware Green Alcohol

**Chapter 11: Chapter 10: Beware Of Green Alcohol**

…

_What the hell was in that drink?_

Mercedes groaned as she felt her head pounding and buried her face deeper into her pillow. She loved her bed but her head was killing her far too much for her to be able to get full enjoyment from it.

_Wait a minute! How the hell did I get to bed? This is my bed isn't it? _She gasped and her eyes opened wide, despite the pain. _Yep. Definitely my room. Definitely my bed. _She ran a hand down her body. _Definitely still in last night's clothes though! I must have crawled in somehow, but there was no memory at all. The last thing she remembered was drinking the lurid green drink and dancing with Sam…_

_Sam! Oh no! Please don't let me have embarrassed myself in front of him!_ She groaned lightly and moved to pull her sheet over her face in mortification when she realized it didn't move. It was like it was tucked in tightly. Either that or something was on top of it… Or for that matter, some_one!_

Then she heard it. The steady breathing next to her. _What the hell have I done this time? _Her head felt like lead but she had to turn and check. Despite herself she had to smile. He was facing away from her so she could see the nape if his neck and his mussed up light brown hair. Instead of the coming under the covers with her he was lying on top of them with her robe thrown over him for warmth. Even with her foggy hangover brain and lack of a clear memory she smiled. She knew her body and was pretty sure that there had been no sexual activity. Her dress was undisturbed and he was still fully clothed too. She'd piece it together eventually but for now it was pretty safe to say that Sam Evans was a considerate gentleman. The same could not be said of her bladder which was relentless in its demands.

Being careful not to wake her unexpected bedfellow she slipped out of the bed, paused for a few moments for the pounding in her head to settle a little before padding her way quietly to the bathroom to relieve herself. A quick glance in the mirror confirmed her pathetic state. She'd gone to bed with her hair down and uncovered and it was now in a state of matted chaos. Grabbing a scrunchie off the bath tap she quickly smoothed it into a ponytail as well as she could with her bare hands and quickly ran a facial wipe over her face, frowning as she came across and unexplained sore spot on her forehead. Then she reached into the bathroom cabinet and swallowed four paracetamol tablets with handful of water from the basin. Next she smoothed down her dress. She couldn't even change into her robe because it was covering Sam.

_Oh lord! I still haven't dealt with the fact that there is a man sleeping on my bed! A gorgeous man who is either a complete gentleman or he doesn't find me sexually attractive!_

_Probably both.  
_  
She sighed. It was time to face the music, if only to give her the opportunity to crawl back into bed and rest her pounding head for a couple more hours!  
Stepping back into her room she immediately noticed the robe on her bed and an empty space where Sam had been. Maybe she'd dreamed it.

"How's the head?"

She immediately regretted spinning her head so fast at the sound of his voice. It seriously hurt. Sam was standing in the doorway smiling at her. He stepped forward and handed her the tall glass of water that was in his hand. Nodding her thanks she immediately took it and gulped it down. She really should have known to hydrate as well as medicate. "How did we get here?"

He arched an eyebrow. "You don't remember coming back?"

It hurt too much to shake her head so she just sat on the bed instead while he took the glass from her hand. "I remember dancing. And I remember a green drink. And I remember… nope that's all I remember."

Sam looked at her with the concerned expression that she'd seen on him a lot recently. "It'll come back to you. I'll fill you in later. Did you take something for your head? You really should sleep a little more."

She looked at the green stain down the front of his shirt. "You have… you have green on you!"

"Yeah. I noticed. I'll try and wash it off when I get home. But you lie back down now." He pulled the cover back and her body didn't even make an attempt at resistance, instead laying straight down, curling up and closing her eyes as he smoothed the covers back over her. "Will you stay with me?"

"Huh?"

"Stay? While I sleep?"

"Sure. If you want that."

"I want that…" The darkness was coming back and she couldn't even recall finishing the sentence.

…  
_I can smell bacon! _Mercedes opened her eyes and looked at the clock. She couldn't recall why she hadn't looked at the time the first time she'd woken up but right now it was one forty five in the afternoon and her head was clearer. Grabbing her bag she checked her phone. There was a message from Tina apologising for leaving early because she'd gone to meet Sebastian and two messages from Santana checking that she was okay and asking if Sam was still around. She quickly replied to Santana thanking her for the night and assuring her that she was home safe. She'd fill her in on the rest when she knew what the hell the rest was!

Heading back for a repeat visit to the bathroom she noticed Sam's shirt hanging from the shower head. He'd clearly hand washed it and the sight was a strangely domestic one to see in her bathroom. Finn had never left any of his things around. Taking a hanger from her wardrobe she hung the shirt from the shower curtain rail instead so that it would dry more smoothly before using the opportunity to actually take a quick refreshing shower and slipping into jeans and a stretchy top.

Finally following the smell of bacon she walked in to the kitchen to face the sight of Sam in her purple robe taking pieces of extra crispy bacon from under the grill and placing them on a plate. "You have no mushrooms!"  
"I wasn't planning on having a man in my flat making me a fry up this morning!"

He turned and grinned at her. "Then you should be more careful about what you wish for!" After casting an appreciative eye on her change of clothing he finally turned his attention back to what he was doing. "You know they say apparently there's something in pork that is really good for helping hangovers which is why a fry up – or in this case a grill up- for breakfast is supposed to be a hangover cure."

"So how come you don't have a hangover?"

"_I_ didn't touch the green stuff. It looked like it was something concocted in a witches cauldron!"

Mercedes rubbed her head. "I think that's because it was!"

"I stopped after two glasses of sangria. My car's parked downstairs and I'd planned on driving it home last night after seeing you home safe." Mercedes was trying hard to listen to what he was saying but he was wearing her fucking robe and it left a deep v of his chest exposed that she simply couldn't take her eyes off. "Anyway, I'm being rude. I didn't ask how you're feeling. Can I make you a tea or coffee or anything?"

Sam moving about her kitchen as if he already lived there was incredibly attractive but she somehow managed to assure him that she was feeling better and put the kettle on for tea herself. "I don't have eggs either but we can have beans on toast with the bacon."

"Sounds good to me."

They stayed in silence as she made tea until she finally burst. "So are you ever going to actually tell me what happened last night?"

"When you're sitting down."

She glared at him before noticing a red smudge on his head. Reaching out to touch it he flinched slightly. "What happened to your head?"

"You did!"

"Me?"

He reached and touched the sore spot on her head. "You're hard headed in more ways than one Mercedes!"

It was only when they finally sat down to eat that he filled her in on the evening. She'd danced a little more before feeling lightheaded so they chose to sit outside for a while and talk. "You were _very_ drunk and emotional," Sam said sheepishly.

_Oh lord please no! Santana says I have a reputation of being a weepy drunk under certain circumstances. Please say that this wasn't one of them! _"I didn't, uh, _cry_ at any point did I?"

He smiled. "Maybe just a little. But mostly you got all huggy and clingy then you spilled your drink all over me!"

She groaned. "Oh I am so sorry!"

"Don't be. It was fine. Tina disappeared off to meet that strange on/off man of hers and Kurt left with the guy that he'd disappeared into the bathroom with earlier. Santana somehow knew a random bunch of people and got invited to another party. She asked if we wanted to join her but I said I'd see you home safe because you'd clearly already had a good night. Then we talked a bit more then you sort of fainted and banged your head so I brought you home and stayed to make sure you were okay. I was planning to leave once you woke up but then you asked me to stay again so I did."

She looked at him carefully. "And that's all that happened?"

"Yep. You were in no fit state to come up the stairs on your own so I had to carry you. I swear I was a perfect gentleman. The only clothing I took off you were your shoes and I stayed on top of the bed so that if you woke up you wouldn't freak out. I would never take advantage."

"I wasn't implying that you would. But, thanks, you know, for bringing me back. I'm not in the habit of getting blind drunk, but it was my birthday and my birthday is always a little depressing and you know how it is…"

"Hey, I'm older than you are. I know exactly how it is! If you can't get off your head on your birthday then there's no point celebrating!"

"Exactly!" Mercedes couldn't put her finger on it, but something seemed to have changed between them and she wasn't sure what. All she knew was that she was really enjoying his company and was dreading the fact that he was going to leave soon. To distract herself she took their empty plates to the sink and started to wash them.

"I can do that!" Sam followed and tried to stop her but she wasn't having it. "You cooked so I wash."

"So maybe I can dry then?"

"Drying up is something that only happens when I need something straight away. It can drip dry like everything else I wash." He looked disappointed. "Look Sam, if you really want to do something then stand here and keep me company while I wash."

"Okay."

She poured Fairy liquid onto the sponge and ran the tap until the water came hot. "So what kind of things were we talking about last night?"

"Oh anything and everything."

"Like what?"

"Like how you went on holiday all by yourself! I think that's amazing that you just decided, packed and left the next day. I've never done anything like that before!"

"Really?"

"There's this huge part of me that wants to be reckless and spontaneous but I never get the opportunity. I'm always having to be sensible and follow the rules. Sometimes I wish I could just say 'stuff the rules' and act on impulse and follow my heart. That's what I like about you, you're crazy and funny and even though things don't always work out the way you expect them to do you put your heart into whatever you do. I feel like I've simply become some drone of a worker ant but you seem to keep a freshness about you that's attractive."

"I'm nothing special Sam, you can do it if you want to."

"Do what?"

"Be crazy, be spontaneous, let go!"

"Yeah right!"

"No I'm serious. Just make up your mind and do it. Do it today. Think of something you really _really_ want to do, but you're a little scared to, then just push through do it!"

He stared at her disbelievingly. "Really? Just like that?"

"Yeah. It's good for the soul." She put the last plate onto the drainer and dried her hands. "You can't be spontaneous if you overthink things."

He looked at her carefully. "Okay. I'll test your theory. Close your eyes."

"Huh?"

"I said close your eyes!"

_What the hell is this man on? _She didn't know what was going through Sam's crazy mind but decided to humour him for the time being and shut her eyes. Nothing happened.

She was about to open them again and say something when she felt it. His lips on hers. And the worst part was that she liked it. She _responded_ to it! One minute she was telling him to be spontaneous and do something that he always wanted to and the next minute he was kissing her like his life depended on it. And damn it felt good! Somehow he'd pulled her closer and her arms were around the back of his neck without her even consciously thinking about it as she pressed her body closer to his.

_I can't believe this. I'm standing in my kitchen and Sam Evans is with me. He's wearing my purple robe and he's kissing me like there's no tomorrow. If only he wasn't a cheater this would be so perfect!_  
_  
OH SHIT! WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING? DON'T FALL FOR ANOTHER MAN WHO'S GOING TO END UP HURTING YOU! YOUR HEART CAN'T TAKE THIS!  
_  
"No! Stop!" She opened her eyes shoved him away as hard as she could.

_This is Sam Evans! Finn warned you all about him. He's a cheater and a relationship breaker! Finn was a complete sleazebag and if he had to warn me about Sam then this guy has to be far far worse! Somewhere along the line I've forgotten my New Year's resolutions about men. Finn already broke me this year and I REFUSE to let it happen again!  
_  
Sam was frowning, still flushed from the kiss. "What's wron-"

"GET OUT!" _I can't believe I fell for it! The charm and the politeness. The helpfulness and the gentlemanlike behaviour! It was all a ruse to get me to have sex with him once I'd sobered up!_  
"Mercede-"

Tears streamed down her face and she did her best to block out the sound of his voice. _Don't listen to him! This is the man that stole Finn's fiancée and made him into the creep he is today! This is the root of the evil and you're about to sleep with the enemy!_

She pushed him towards the door and he nearly fell backwards. "I can't believe I nearly fell for it Sam! You pretend to be nice and helpful, a perfect gentleman and a great person to have breakfast with, but you the worst out of all of them!"

"But I don't understa-"

_She'd played with fire and now her fingertips were being burned. _"LEAVE! Before I call the police!"  
Sam's face turned red. "I see I've been labouring under a misapprehension of your feelings for me! Last night we banged heads because you leaned forward to kiss me, but somehow you passed out before our lips met and we crashed heads first. Clearly this morning has all been a huge mistake and a misunderstanding. Please accept my sincere apologies. I won't be bothering you or your friends again." Sam shot her a look of utter heartbreak before turning and leaving. She heard him retrieve his jacket then the slam of the front door as he left.

Pulling out a chair from the table she sank into it as her legs wobbled and the tears continued to stream down her face. The image of Sam's heartbroken face burned behind her eyelids. She tried to congratulate herself on saving herself from potential heartbreak but it still felt like heartbreak nonetheless. The man had come on to her and if she'd let him he would have taken full advantage. She didn't need that kind of grief in her life. She was getting too old for that sort of drama. The last couple of minutes played over and over again in her mind. Had she said something to trigger it? She'd pretty much told him to kiss her.

_Did I lead him on? Am I one of those girls?  
_  
Leaning forward she rested her head against the table. Sam was a relationship breaking cheat. Finn had told her so on several occasions. The guy had ruined an engagement. But over the day that they had spent together he hadn't come across as one. _Then again, how exactly do cheaters come across?_ It was only hindsight that allowed her to see the creepiness of Finn's actions more clearly! Sam had done nothing but show by his actions that he genuinely liked her. And if she thought about the moments leading up to the kiss, then surely he was only kissing her because he was taking the chance to do something brave, something that he wanted to do but was too nervous to try?

Her head was spinning. _Why has it taken me up until this point, up until right now, to realise just how much I like Sam? And that kiss, it was perfect. He didn't force me to kiss him back, I did that all on my own. As a kiss if felt… genuine.  
_  
_But Finn says he's a cheater.  
_  
_And Finn… Well he's a cheater too so why are you taking his word?  
_  
_And why didn't you at least give Sam a chance to explain himself before pushing him away and threatening him?_  
Mercedes began to actively sob. What if she'd got it all wrong? What if she'd just pushed away the one guy who liked her for real?

_How the hell had this ended up being such a huge mess?_


	13. Back Together

The next two weeks passed impossibly slowly for Mercedes. She felt utterly miserable. Nothing could make her smile and even her friends couldn't help. They'd all decided that they'd taken a shine to Sam after he passed their grilling with flying colours at her birthday dinner.

"Mercedes, I'm not gonna lie. I really do think you've made a mistake. Or at the very least, you should have given him the chance to explain himself. Guys who are only after one thing tend to come on strong and cut their losses if they get no response. This guy seemed to actually be trying to woo you."

"Not. Helping!" Mercedes waved her hand in the air one final time to ensure her nails were dry before starting to apply the top coat.

"So what are you going to do then? You've been moping for two weeks. Find the man and talk to him."

"How? I don't have his number!"

"Through Rory then."

"Never! He'll tell Sugar then the whole world will know ten minutes later."

"Then if you won't try, quit with the long face and stop moping. I swear you weren't even this bad after Finn. You were far more concerned about what was going on with your mum at the time!" Santana's brand of comfort was unique. This time around there were no Cadburys Crème Eggs although there _was_ Bacardi and coke. "As he's a lawyer, I'll pretend I'm doing a concluding summary. Your situation in a nutshell is this: You had a sexy man who liked you for who you were and whose one kiss lit you up like a wild bushfire, but who you dismissed based on something told to you by someone you already know for a fact to be a liar. I'll leave you to do come up with your own verdict on that one, but I wouldn't be your fucking friend if I left you without saying something!"

_I hate it when Santana's straight talking has a ring of truth!_

"You're forgetting Quinn! He told me he liked me when she was in the next room!"

"And you're forgetting that the man said he was single. We were all there and we all heard it! Maybe something happened and it ended. Now come here, you're using too much of the fucking topcoat! Your nails will never dry before the millennium!"

And so it continued. Sam had left his shirt hanging in the bathroom and the damn thing still smelled of him. She may or may not have sniffed it on occasion, several occasions actually, but there was no way she would confirm or deny anything on that front. Every time she walked into her living room the dining table stared back at her accusingly. And because it had been assembled she couldn't even send it back! At the end of yet another stressful week at work with Artie's first major client launching an international product, she decided the best thing would just be to get away for a couple of days. She'd crash with her dad, they'd sip tea all weekend in their pajamas and put the world to right.

On her way to the station she called to say that she was coming but it went to answerphone so she left a message. Normally he'd be up by now but maybe he was in the garden and didn't hear the phone or something. By the time she reached the house it was lunchtime but surprisingly there was no answer at the door. Looking around to make sure nobody was watching she took a couple of steps to the side and lifted the fourth plant pot and took the spare set of keys taped to the bottom to let herself in.

"Hellooooo! Dad? Are you home?" She thought she heard a noise as she threw her bag down but maybe she was dreaming. Shaking off her jacket she headed straight to the kitchen to put the kettle on.

"Oh! It _is_ you! I thought I heard something!"

She spun round to see her father stood by the door, still in his dressing gown. "Hey dad! Are you sick? You didn't answer the phone and I knocked the door twice because the bell didn't seem to be working."

"Oh I'm fine I was just... just taking a little rest, that's all."

_A rest? On a Saturday lunchtime when he's usually watching Grandstand? Oh no! Has my dad just lied to me? Something's wrong. Please don't let me have walked in to find him having an affair with one of his new golfing buddies or something! But his golfing buddies are male. They're probably involved in wife swapping or something. You know how these 'well respected' families are. Or maybe there were no wives! Maybe the root of her parents problems had been her father getting married to mask his preference for men. That would explain so much-_

"Honey, who are you talking to- oh! Hello dumpling!"

Mercedes looked up to see her mother appearing behind her dad, also clad only in her own dressing gown.

_OH… MY… FUCKING… _"Mum! What are _you_ doing here!"

"What do you mean 'what am _I_ doing here'? This is still my home!"

"But you're with- but dad- but… Oh Yuckkkkk!" It was one thing to wish her parents back together, but quite another to virtually walk in on them being… whatever it was that they were being… "Look, maybe I should go. We can talk later." Mercedes looked around, desperately trying to remember where she'd dumped her bag so that she could make a quick exit and find something to erase the mental image that she had of her parents bumping uglies in the middle of the day!

"Nonsense darling! You've just put the kettle on and I don't know about you Gregory, but I'm gasping for a cuppa!"

Mercedes watched in horror as her dad pulled her mum towards him affectionately by the waist and started to play with the belt on her dressing gown. "I agree with you Cam. I'm totally parched!" The two shared a teenage giggle before he looked back up at her. "Do you think there's enough water in there for three?"

_I think I've just walked into the fucking Twilight Zone. In all my years I have NEVER seen my parents this affectionate towards each other. It's making me want to gag! Don't get me wrong. I'm happy for this turn of events but I don't particularly want to see it in action! _"So I guess you guys are back together again?"

"We're just seeing how things go…" The rest of her father's answer was lost as he gently nuzzled his face in her mother's neck and Mercedes resisted the urge to decorate the kitchen with her half-digested breakfast.

_Nope. This is unacceptable! _"Who are you people and what the fuck have you done with my parents?"

She was met by two radiant smiles. "Watch your language Mercedes!" Camille pulled away from her husband slightly. "I thought you wanted us back together dumpling!"

"I did! But not like _this_!"

This time it was her dad's turn to speak. "Baby, your mother and I have been talking and spending time with each other over the last few weeks and we've managed to rekindle what it was that we found in the beginning, before you were born. All the time she was gone I realized that I just don't function properly without her, and she realized that, while I may have my strange little ways, life just isn't the same without me by her side either. The time apart really gave us the chance to evaluate our relationship. We've spent more time together than we have alone and somehow we've moulded around each other and become so much a part of each other that we just can't let go."

Camille smiled up at her husband with an expression that made Mercedes a little bit sick in her mouth. _Well congratulations to you! _"So your father and I have decided we're going on a second honeymoon. I've always wanted to go on a cruise and he's going to take me on one to the Caribbean. Apparently the ship is so big it has its own driving range so he can still keep up with his golf!"

"I'm thrilled for you guys. Genuinely." And she meant it. She _did _want them back together. She just didn't want to actually see it!

"Thanks darling."

"And Puck?" Mercedes was loathe to bring up the name but she really needed to clearly understand what the hell was going on.

"Puck's been a total superstar, as always. He even dropped me off here with my bags last night. He and his girlfriend have fixed their problems too and they want to start with a clean slate. I realise now that how I behaved with him was silly, even though it was innocently done. I was thinking only of myself and he's used to controversy so it was water off a duck's back for him. But Puck's a changed person too. I _did_ manage to teach him something. Right now he's gone to London for a few weeks to make good some problems he'd caused while he was there, then when he gets back he and his girl are going to move in together. He wants his relationship to be honest and open and apparently those new flats are far more spacious than they look from the outside!"

Mercedes was simply stunned. Maybe, just maybe, her parents were going to get their happy ending after all!

…

Mercedes had just poured boiling water onto her teabag later that afternoon when her mother burst into the kitchen all in a flap. "What are you doing Mercedes? Why aren't you ready yet?"

She frowned. "Ready for what?"

"The party! It's the Evans's fortieth wedding anniversary. It's the whole reason why you came to stay this weekend!"

_Er no- the reason I came to stay this weekend was to see dad and to take some time out to clear my own head about what happened after her birthday! _But now that she thought about it, she _did_ remember seeing and dismissing some sort of invitation without even looking at the date properly.

"Well you can't possibly miss it. _Sam _will be there. And he's _still_ single!"

"Yeah and _still_ deranged!" She frowned, "Plus he's probably back with Quinn."

"Quinn? Who's Quinn?" Her mother's eyes instantly focused on her with an intense stare that made Mercedes cringe. Any slight hint of an interest and her mother would go into overdrive and she'd just gone and actually thrown the woman a crumb! She quickly averted her eyes even though it was impossible for her to prevent the woman from reading her body language. "Quinn was his date that he brought to dinner Rory and Sugar's one time. I thought maybe they were still a thing." _Why lie?_

Camille instantly lit up. "You've seen Sam in London?"

_Oh mother, I would love to see your face if I told you we've even slept together, even if it was only in the most literal sense! _"Not for long."

"Well this is a tough time of year for him. It was around this time that his cruel wife left him."

Mercedes scowled. "Yeah. Well it's not like he didn't deserve it!"

"Deserve it? What poor man deserves to find out that the love of his life was cheating on him!"

The scowl turned into a frown. "I thought that he was the one cheating on her!"

"Noooo! Wherever did you get that silly idea? He loved his wife more than life itself! She was the one that did the dirty on _him_. And with his close friend no less! The fiend had even been best man at their wedding! It really knocked poor Sam hard. Apparently he came home early one night and caught them at it in the hallway! Hadn't even made it to the bedroom. Poor man! It nearly drove him to move back to America! I heard that he refused date after that and threw himself into his work instead. That's why he needs a nice girl like you to pull him back out of his shell!"

Mercedes was too busy processing all of this new information into her brain. _Wait! Didn't Finn say that HE had been best man at Sam's wedding? The two of them fell out because Sam, the married man, had cheated with Finn's fiancée and broke up their relationship. Sam is the villain here, not Finn!_

_But then again, why would mum lie? She doesn't know anything about the story with Finn so she has no vested interest!_

Something wasn't making sense, and try as she might, Mercedes was struggling with the conflict of her head telling her one thing and her heart telling her another. She found herself desperately wanting to believe that this new version of events was actually the true one. Aside from that first unpleasant meeting Sam had always made every effort to be nice to her. Finn had constantly been insulting about Sam but other than saying Finn hurts people Sam had always maintained a dignified silence. With Sam she was going purely on hearsay and bad first impressions but Finn was the proven cheat. And whenever he and Sam had been in the same place he always seemed to enjoy winding the other man up. In terms of acting like a villain, it was _Finn_ and not Sam who won the award. Sure, Sam may not have been as polished, charming and enigmatic as Finn but he was still pleasant, got on well with her friends, and was extremely easy to get on with on the one to one.

Then there was also the fact that when he kissed her… well there was a flutter that she _definitely_ didn't get with Finn. Yes Finn was attractive and flattering and sexy, but he didn't have that _thing, _that indescribable quality that made her miss him when he wasn't there. Plus the way that he'd kept calling her Jones really began to grate pretty quickly. She wasn't some naughty public schoolboy! And yes she _had_ been cut up when she found out that he had cheated, but dwelling on it helped her to see that she was more upset about the fact that she had been cheated on, rather than missing him as a person. In her own head she'd convinced herself that she was falling in love, but the way that Finn behaved with her was more like a man who was having a bit of fun. And embarrassingly, she hadn't behaved much better either. She had simply been caught up in the thrill of no longer being single, the thrill of reveling in the attention of her long time crush. She knew he was a player and had been drawn to him like a moth to the flame regardless.

And yes he _was _fond of sex in unexpected places outside of the bedroom.

On the other hand, Sam had only been around briefly and she missed him like mad. She genuinely craved his presence. And for someone who she initially saw as just standing around brooding, it was pretty amazing. Her birthday had been much more fun because he was there. Even putting furniture together with him was a good time. And dancing with him made had her feel special. Sharing the dance with him was the greatest gift of all. He was attentive in a way that Finn never was. Finn always seemed to be in a perpetual state of distraction but Sam had a way of making her feel that was the centre of his universe. Breakfast the next morning felt natural and right. And then going back to that kiss… oh that kiss... She hadn't been expecting it but it felt like a fairy-tale, a magic kiss from a handsome prince that turned her from Cinderella into a princess. Maybe it was because her eyes were closed, she had no idea, but the intensity of it was like nothing she had felt before and she wanted more. She wanted to feel it again. She needed those fantastically full lips on hers again just to make sure that what she'd felt in that moment was correct.

It was just for verification purposes of course...

But why the hell had her brain chosen that perfect moment, the middle of that totally breathtaking kiss, to put her into self-defense mode? To push him away in an attempt to protect herself? Yet all that resulted was that she had felt a literal pain when she saw how hurt he'd been by her rejection. She shouldn't have felt pain like that should she? Shouldn't she have felt relief that she had saved herself from another near-miss? That she had protected her heart from another potential heartbreak? Time and time again she saw the expression on his face and it told her the same thing, that he didn't understand what had happened and that she'd definitely hurt him deeply in that moment.

And, what if, for the first time since his divorce he'd allowed himself to start to fall for someone and she had trampled on him- There were no words to describe how much of a bitch he must think she must be!

Too many questions! It was making her head hurt.

"Are you okay dumpling? You look like you're having some sort of a funny turn!"

_I have to fix this! I need to confront Sam and get to the bottom of this right now!_

"Yeah- Yeah I'm fine. I just forgot about the party, that's all. I'll take my tea and go up and change. What time are you leaving?"

"In fifteen minutes! Do you need something to wear? I bought you this lovely dress in Laura Ashley a couple of weeks ago, it would be perfect for today!"

"I'm okay mum. I want to wear trousers anyway."

"Well if you insist. Just hurry up because you know your father hates to be late!"

_I can't get used to this new version of my mum! The old version would have insisted on me wearing the horrific item of clothing that she had picked out. Besides, if I'm going to be facing Sam again, I'd rather it not be in an outfit that's reminiscent of our first fateful meeting in any way._

_No, I need to look good. This is the day I go and get my answers once and for all. And if what mum says is true, then this is the day I eat humble pie then go get my man…_


	14. Answers And Confessions

Mercedes was ready in ten minutes. With a slightly burned tongue from the tea she was the first to be standing at the front door with her coat on. Camille caught her eye and Mercedes saw her mother literally bite her tongue, instead leaning into her father who had come up and put his arms around her from behind, telling her that she smelled lovely. It was so strange seeing her parents like this. They were both clearly trying to make an effort to be more affectionate with each other and it was definitely working. Her mum was blossoming under all the attention and her father was far less introverted. And she… dammit she was actually feeling jealous of their intimacy!

The car journey to the Evans' home was frustratingly slow. She wanted her dad to drive faster but dared not show any more enthusiasm and feed her mother's curiousity.

Once at the house she got rid of her coat and made a beeline for Sam who was standing on his own to the side. She was so focused on striding towards him that she didn't see the person in front of her until they collided.

"Oh, hello. Long time no see!" She was met by the cool stare of Quinn.

_Dammit! Why does she have to be here? _Mercedes shot her as friendly a smile as she could muster. "Yes. How are you doing Quinn?"

The blonde responded to the smile with a warmer one of her own. "I'm fine. Yourself?"

"Good thanks."

The conversation was awkward and stilted. Quinn was even trying to maintain the smile although it looked like smiling didn't come naturally to her. "Well, thank you for coming. I'm afraid the caterers have buggered up the food so I have to go and make a phone call."

"That's fine. I'll… er… see you in a bit."

Quinn disappeared leaving Mercedes standing frowning over the exchange. It was the most the other woman had ever spoken to her. Looking up she noticed that Sam had moved from where he had been standing and she was momentarily confused. Turning around she suddenly found him next to her and she put on her brightest smile. "Hi Sam!"

"Hi!" He was looking at her warily and seemed to be plotting his escape.

She couldn't blame him. The last time they had seen each other she had rejected him and literally pushed him out of her home. Now she had the chance to speak to him her words were stuck in her throat. "Thanks for inviting me."

He kicked his foot on the ground like a nervous teenager. "I didn't. It was my parents."

"Well. Thanks anyway. I'm sort of glad for this opportunity because I really need to speak with you. Is there somewhere private we can go?"

Sam narrowed his eyes slightly then indicated with his head for her to follow him out into the hallway where they stood in a nook under the stairs. "There's people in every room at the moment we can talk here. It's wide open and I won't try anything, I promise."

"That's not what I-" she sighed and squeezed the bridge of her nose, "I wanted to apologise for the way I behaved the other day Sam."

"No! You don't have to. I was wrong. I had no right to just go and kiss you like that. I admit that I misread the situation and assure you I'm not the kind of guy that goes around randomly kissing women the second they close their eyes."

"I know. And I'm not the kind of girl that goes overreacting. I liked that you kissed me but I was conflicted. I thought you had a girlfriend and heard you were a cheater."

"A cheater?"

"Finn had said you cheated… With his fiancée… Broke them up…"

Sam looked genuinely shocked. "_Me? _No. _He_ cheated. With _my_ wife. Broke _my_ marriage. And then went and rubbed it in my face at every opportunity. Deep down part of me always knew that he wanted whatever I had, right from when we were little boys. But I had no idea he would ever take it that far!"

_Oh shit! So it IS true! He must think I'm such a bitch! I wouldn't blame him if he never forgave me!_

She cast her eyes downwards. "I only just found that out today. Just now, right before I came. I wanted to apologise from the bottom of my heart. Finn said… Shit! Finn said a lot of things that obviously weren't true and he really messed with my head! I'm so sorry I believed him Sam."

"It's okay. We'll just forget it ever happened." He turned to leave but she reached out and touched his arm.

"That's just it. I _don't want to forget that it happened. _I'm glad it did. The kiss, I mean. It was everything." This time it was her turn to shuffle her feet, avoid eye contact and pretend that she didn't hear him gasp at her words. "When I first met you I thought you were arrogant and insulting," Sam opened his mouth to defend himself but she ploughed on regardless, "but spending time with you I've come to see that those first impressions were wrong. You explained that you were having a bad day, and having gone through nicotine withdrawal myself I can only say that I would have been the demon bitch from hell if it was me going through it on that day. I realise now that Finn had fed me lies, the motivation for which I didn't know, although you've now revealed it to be jealousy. All I can say is that he definitely did everything in his power to make me dislike you even more than I already did."

"He was trying to hurt me."

"What!" Mercedes looked at him. "What did you say?"

"He was trying to hurt me. He caught me looking at you on the night of the launch and from that moment he made a beeline for you and kept you at his side."

"Oh wow! I had no idea!" But it made a strange kind of sense. The night of the launch was when their flirtation had kicked up a notch. The night of the launch was the night they'd gone out to dinner and ended up in his bed. That night he'd whisked her away pretty quickly. At the time she was relieved because of the humiliation of her presentation but there could well have been another motive. This was all making her feel so much better about her crush on Sam but there was still just one thing… "Quinn. You're always with her as your date but while she was still in the next room you were telling me that you liked me…"

Sam chuckled. "Quinn and I aren't anything. Did you not hear me when I said at dinner that I'm single?"

"Yeah but-"

"Yeah but nothing. It's true. Definitely single. Quinn and I… there was never anything. At least not on my side. She's my partner in chambers and that's all. On her side, well… she's been trying to wear me down for a long time. She invites herself to events as my guest because she knows I don't have anyone to go with and says it's good for business. She even invited herself to the wedding under the pretense of getting some extra work done and 'accidentally' booked us into the same room but it didn't work."

"Why didn't it work?"

"Because I'm just not into her like that. Yes she's beautiful, but she's also cold. Not in a horrible way, just that she's so perfect there's no warmth about her. You smile, all the time. She doesn't. She finds it hard to be around new people and talk to people she doesn't know well. Her social skills are still under development and sometimes completely nonexistent. She's trying but it still just doesn't quite look right yet." Mercedes thought about the encounter she just had and realized that she knew exactly what he meant. Quinn's stilted approach had actually been an attempt at friendliness and communication towards one of the few people in the room that she had recognised. Sam was right though, Quinn definitely had a _looong_ way to go. She held on to his every word as he continued. "There's something almost clinical about her. She just doesn't know how to relax and have fun. She's a nice girl but she has no soul or fire. For example the location of the wedding was beautiful, I wanted to go out for walks, explore, take in the scenery and have some fun. She wanted to work. I guess that kind of thing contributed to my jealous looks towards you and Finn. You were having the kind of relaxed fun I wanted to be having. Quinn is the kind of woman who probably folds all her clothes neatly before going to bed and only has sex in the missionary position."

"Sam!" Mercedes choked with laughter. She was definitely not expecting Sam to come out with something like that!

"What! It's true!"

She continued laughing. "I guess I can't really tell you off for that when I thought pretty much the same thing of you."

His eyes widened. "Me? Really?"

"Yeah. That's the impression you gave."

"Well I'm going to have to correct that. I like messy. I like chaos and I like lots of different sexual positions!"

Mercedes was speechless. This Sam was nothing like any other version of Sam she'd come across! All she could do was stare as he stepped closer and touched her cheek. "The reason I could never be with Quinn is because inside of this calm exterior is a man that, after a long day at the office, craves being fun and free and uninhibited. I want to be with someone does more than make me smile, she has to make me laugh. One of those deep belly laughs with the occasional snort! I'm not after perfection, I know I'm not perfect and I don't expect it of others. I want someone with quirks of their own, someone who can be silly yet serious if necessary, someone with a heart full of love, someone who can put me in my place when I'm being stupid and stand up to me if they think I'm wrong. I want to be with someone who's equally comfortable to spend all day in bed with a bottle of wine and a video marathon as they are eating a meal in a nice restaurant. Someone who's willing to have a go at making Ikea furniture even when it's an impossible task, who puts herself out to cook for her friends when she doesn't need to. Someone who looks equally as beautiful first thing in the morning with a raging hangover, or cooking a randomly put together breakfast as she does on a night out. Someone who sometimes thinks a little too hard and who bites her bottom lip when she's doing that thinking."

_Holy Shit! I think he's talking about me!_

"Yes I am talking about you Mercedes Jones. I said it before and I'll say it again. I like you. I _really_ like you and I think that we could be good together. I know the time and location isn't perfect but do you think we could-"

Mercedes cut him off by reaching up to kiss him and shut him up. _Damn! And I thought I talked too much when I get nervous! _Sam pulled her closer, kissing her back before coming to his senses and realizing that they were only in semi privacy and releasing her again reluctantly.

_The flutter is back!_

_Not true. Forget fluttering, there were fucking cannon balls going off in her chest!_

"You can open your eyes now!"

Mercedes hadn't realised that they were closed! She'd been too busy savouring the feel of Sam's lips on hers. Sam Evans, the non-cheating, non-lying man who for some reason preferred chaotic little her to the classically attractive Quinn. A woman who, it had turned out, was never even a rival at all! "I was just savouring the moment," she breathed.

"Don't worry. There's far more of those to come." He bent forward to kiss her again when the sound of clinking glasses brought him back to his senses. "We need to get back inside. They're making speeches." He looked down at her with a smile. "Quit pouting. We'll just show our faces, wait for the cake to be cut and then skip this party. It's full of old people anyway!"

* * *

Hours later Mercedes was thrilled that her theory about Sam was wrong. He was definitely a 'leave the clothes where they hit the floor in the rush to get to the bed' kind of man. Not a folded item in sight! She rested her head against his naked chest as she contentedly lay, listening to his strong heartbeat.

_I can't believe I've done this. Sneaking off with Sam and bringing him straight to my bed is like sleeping with a guy on the first date. Except this isn't just any guy. This is the guy who wants the little day to day things with me as well as all the dramatic stuff._

"While we're coming clean about everything, I have something else to admit about why I was so off with you at the turkey buffet."

She lifted her head a little and met his eyes. "You do?"

"Uh huh." He trailed his hand to her bottom and gave it a firm smack. "I noticed you from the moment you arrived and was attracted to you from the moment you took off your coat and scanned the room. Even that horrific curtain your mum made you put on didn't hide your curves and stop my mouth watering. From the moment Will Schuester popped you on the backside I wondered what it would feel like to do it myself!"

"And now you do!"

"Yep. Now I know what it feels like to give it a really proper squeeze…"

She giggled and punched him gently on the chest before he captured her for another leisurely kiss. "But seriously, I was nervous as hell when your mum introduced us and I think some of that anxiety came across as standoffishness. I've been out of the dating game for a very long time you know."

"I know. But you clearly haven't lost any of your skills in the bedroom!" She ran her finger in small circles around his nipples and watched them as they peaked with her touch. "I feel like a naughty teenager sneaking boys into my room behind my parent's back."

"You're a grown woman now!"

_Tell that to the Battle of the Boybands poster staring down at us! _"I know. But this is still their house. I used to lie in this bed and dream of finding someone who really wanted me."

Sam kissed her forehead gently. "And now you have."

"Yep. Now I have. Although I can't help thinking that this time round they might just approve. "She shifted her head up to look at him. The smell of his bare skin was intoxicating and the pleasant tingle between her thighs from the spontaneous combustion of their desire was a distraction but she did her best to concentrate. "Do you think they've noticed yet?"

"Who?"

"Our mums. Do you think they noticed we left together?"

He shrugged. "I don't know if they saw us leave, but it's been a couple of hours now so they're probably sipping champagne and toasting their success."

"Probably." She laughed. "That's the only thing that gets me about this. Our mums are going to gloat about this forever. I can just hear mine reliving introducing us at the turkey buffet."

"And mine will be saying, 'I told you so,' to everyone that will listen!"

"Maybe we should keep it a secret. Pretend we hate each other for a bit or something."

"Hmmm…" Sam ran his fingers down her spine before running his fingers over the curve of her bottom. "I don't really know if I could fake hate when I'm around you. My body seems to take on a mind of its own whenever you enter a room."

"I've noticed!" She could feel him starting to harden and press against her belly again as he pulled her tighter against him. There was silence as his lips found hers again and his hands reacquainted themselves with her breasts and nipples. He flicked his thumbs over them and absorbed her groan of pleasure in response by capturing her lips again. Her full breasts filled his hands perfectly, she needed to stay exactly at the size she was right now forever.

"So does this make us official?"

Sam stilled and looked her straight in the eyes. "Are you ready for this to be official?"

She nodded wildly. _I've never been more ready for anything in my life!_

"Good. Because the last time I got involved in a sexual relationship she ended up becoming my wife!"

_Not an issue for me either! It should be! Logic and reason say that the feminist inside me should resist, but deep down I've always known what I wanted. _"I'm done with wasting my time on the wrong person now."

"And I'm done with being alone."

That was enough. The full meaning was completely understood. It seemed fast but in some ways it was simply two pieces of a puzzle fitting together and clicking into place. They stayed, tangled in each other's embrace, taking their time to explore and become acquainted with each other's bodies.

"You said your parents were going to dinner after the party so we have a little more time right?" He said the words breathlessly between kisses along her jaw and with more than a little desire and desperation in his tone.

His increasingly sensual touches were making it hard for Mercedes to formulate words for a response. "Right. So what were you thinking?" _As if I don't already know..._

Sam pushed her onto her back and settled between her legs. "I was thinking all this time we've been in your bed, we haven't actually tried missionary position yet!"

Mercedes giggled and allowed his lips to find hers again while her arms crossed at the back of his neck, pulling him flush against her. "I thought you said that's boring."

He grinned against her lips as he felt her reach for his fully rehardened length and stroked it slowly before wrapping her legs around his waist and positioning him for re-entry. "With you? _Never!_"

With one small push he was there and as he yet again he took her to her peak and beyond, this time there was no shame in seeing green eyes staring back at her. The love reflected in his eyes was the same emotion that caused her entire body to shatter with pleasure.

This was it. She didn't even need to ask if he loved her.

_Because I already know the answer._

_Sam is the most honest man I know and I just need to be honest with myself._

_Thankfully it's easy to be._

_Because my search for Mr Right is finally over!_


	15. Epilogue: Happy Endings

_Something old, something new, something borrowed and something... Mercedes' hand was shaking while she sat on the bathroom floor as she counted to one hundred and eighty with her eyes shut. The longest three minutes of her life…_

The door knocked for the third time. "Are you okay dumpling? Can I come in?"

Mercedes sighed. Her mum was stressing and the only way to calm her was to let her see that she was okay. "Come in mum!"

The door opened and her mum peeked through, satisfied that her daughter was seated in front of her vanity mirror and not climbing out of the window she released an audible sigh of relief. "I brought you a cup of tea."

_Actually, for once, she's timed the tea perfectly! _There was nothing left in Mercedes' stomach after her last session with her head down the toilet bowl and now that she was recovered, sipping hot tea was exactly what she needed to do. "Thanks mum. This is perfect. How long have I got?"

"About fifteen minutes before Alice gets here to do your hair and makeup. Then an hour later the photographer will arrive. She wants to get a few 'getting ready' shots of her own before you put the dress on."

"Fifteen minutes…" She sipped the hot liquid, being careful not to spill any on her dressing gown.

"Did you have a nice bath?" Her mum perched delicately on the end of the bed, as near to her daughter as possible.

"It was lovely. Thanks for running it for me."

Mercedes nearly hadn't made it in time. The waves of nausea had started while her mum was still fussing over which bath oil to use. Thankfully the relaxing lavender she had chosen didn't set her stomach off. There was a rapidly increasing list of scents that suddenly were making her feel sick. By the time her mum had left and she'd heaved to her heart's content, the bath was a godsend and the hot water eased her aching strained muscles.

Back in her room she had moisturized then laid on her bed for a few minutes, staring at the dress hanging on her wardrobe before slipping into her specially chosen underwear and dressing gown. Moving to sit at her vanity unit she'd done nothing but stare into thin air until her mum had returned, but now she was going to have to pull herself together.

"I wanted to give you something." Camille handed her a small box and she took it with a questioning expression. The box opened to reveal a small delicate brooch. It was a heart made of mother of pearl. "I wore this the day I married your father. The buttons on the back of my dress were a little tight due to… well… you know, so at the last minute my friend removed two of the buttons and used this to give me an extra inch of space. It was a life saver." She ran her finger over the outline of it. "I know it may not be your kind of thing but I thought, as it has some history, you might like to wear it on your special day. You can stick it anywhere you like, I don't mind."

Mercedes felt her eyes stinging. _I can't believe it. I'm having a real mother and daughter moment! I would never have imagined my relationship with my mum ever getting to the point where we could have a special moment like this! _She leaned over and kissed her mum's cheek. "This is wonderful. I'll definitely wear it. Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"No, seriously mum, thanks, for not giving up on me and Sam. And for being the one to tell me the truth about him. With all the bores and disasters you were always trying to set me up with, I would never have believed that you would actually find the perfect man for me."

Camille pulled her into a tearful embrace. "I'd love to take the credit but it was pure luck. He's a great man and you're a fantastic woman. No daughter of mine deserves anything but the greatest."

It was like she was a different woman! Ever since her return home, Camille had been a far more improved version of her former self. Apparently Puck had told her a few home truths that she'd actually paid attention to. And the effort she was putting into her marriage was definitely paying off. Mercedes still had her attachment to her father but she was gaining a growing fondness for her mother too. The fact that she now had a man also made it easier because the things that frustrated her most about her mum were often connected to her singleness. Camille and Gregory had enjoyed their second honeymoon cruise and resolved to make it an annual event and it was clear for everyone to see that the two of them were very much in love. Puck had been forgiven for his attempted kiss, something done in a moment of weakness and loneliness while he was unhappy, and Camille actually credited him for making her see very clearly that she always had what she always wanted.

_Dear diary,_

_I'm still in shock. I didn't sleep a wink last night out of sheer excitement. I can't believe I finally got here! I can't believe it's today!_

Eleven months. Pretty damn quick in the grand scheme of things. But a lot can happen in eleven months and a lot had. Best of all, it was all down to one man, Sam Evans. Since the day of his parent's anniversary party they'd been inseparable and hadn't looked back. Even the excessive self-congratulations of their mothers wasn't enough to dampen their enthusiasm. They were like two different people. Sam smiled all the time now. Proper eye wrinkling smiles that would grace his face for no other reason than simple happiness, and Mercedes, hell, she was even somehow becoming less clumsy than she was before!

Her friends were happy for her. Jealous too, but mostly happy.

Of course the ever smug Rory and Sugar had also decided that they had seen this relationship coming too and Sam had to endure constant teasing at work. And yet somehow Sam had still found it in him to ask Rory to be his best man. Despite herself, Mercedes even found herself warming to Quinn. Well, warmth and Quinn in the same sentence was maybe a little much, but as with at the party, Quinn would attempt to be pleasant with her, and now that she knew Quinn was a fish out of water in all situations outside of chambers and the courtroom, Mercedes cut her far more slack. It also helped that Quinn also appeared to have transferred her affections to Rory's brother. He was a nice guy, but as Quinn never actually had the courage to actually speak to him, he was none the wiser to her crush. Today though, a they hoped that little creative seating arrangement forcing them into each other's company could possibly cause things to be about to change.

Mercedes and Sam had started dating immediately after his parent's anniversary party, both agreeing to take things slowly and both failing miserably. Their addiction to each other made them the target of teasing from all angles which only prompted them to try and hide from the world, lost in a tangle of lust and limbs rather that sociably have to face the comments and speculations of their peers.

Camille had said they had an hour and it sped by. Alice arrived and then it was all about the hair and the makeup. Mercedes felt a couple of small waves of nausea as she sat as still as she could, but thankfully it was nothing that a couple of deep breaths and swallows couldn't suppress. Then it was all go. The photographer arrived and took shots of them pretending to have her makeup done even though it was already finished before finally taking the dress down from the place it had been hanging for the last week and stepping into it for the final time. The _real _time. All the other times were just foreshadowing the event. All the other times were when she was alone in the house and she just wanted to feel what it was like to wander around dressed like a princess.

Santana was next to arrive with Emily. Mercedes wasn't going to have bridesmaids but Emily was Sam's nearest relative, and at the age of eight made a cute flower girl. Santana had insisted on being a bridesmaid, adamant that it was the only way of getting sex at a wedding. Mercedes hadn't cared enough to argue with her over it and managed o actually find plenty of bridesmaid duties in the run up to the wedding to make her friend as useful as possible. Over the last few days Santana had really come into her own and she was appreciative of it. For all her craziness and pushiness, that Santana loved her to pieces was very clear and she loved her equally back.

At one point she had worried about her little band of single friends but now she wasn't anymore. The day that she had burst into floods of tears when Sam had gone down on one knee in the centre of the maze at Hampton Court she had made the easiest decision of her life. She had stood, wide eyed and wide mouthed as Sam had told her he had never dreamed of finding love again and definitely had no plans of marrying again, but she had changed that very quickly. Now that he had the love and he wanted the family to go with it, wife and children in that order, and she was the only person in the world he could see that happening with. Her reply of 'yes, yes, a thousand times yes' was met with cheers and applause from people she didn't even notice were around watching them and listening to Sam's speech with interest. And yet suddenly there was a ring on her finger and they were kissing and there was champagne and everything was perfect. It was only as she contemplated relaying their news that she had become nervous. For all their talk of 'smug marrieds' she was going to be crossing over to the dark side and become one herself.

Thankfully they took it well, after already having developed a firm liking for the man that tolerated Santana's swearing, handled Tina's tears without running a mile himself and even laughed off Kurt's constant flirting. The engagement dinner turned out to be a revelation too. Both Sam and Mercedes invited some of their work colleagues among the guests. Kurt asked if he was allowed to bring a 'plus one' who turned out to be the big black guy from the club at the tapas restaurant. His name was Richard and they had both decided to make their relationship an exclusive one. Of all people, Santana seemed to hit it off with Quinn and had spent most of the night trying to teach the standoffish blonde how to work that side of her personality and attract men and drive them crazy. The biggest surprise of the night however, had been Tina who immediately hit it off with Artie. By the end of the evening she was sat in his lap as he wheeled around and from that day all tears and mentions of the 'vile Sebastian' ceased for good. Mercedes had hoped her employer seeing one of her friends wouldn't make it awkward at work and luckily it didn't. It didn't stop him from flirting with her either, but it was harmless because they both very quickly knew where his heart lay.

By far the most interesting thing to have happened was in a restaurant one night with Sam, not long after their engagement. She'd just popped to the toilets where she ended up comforting a young woman who was in floods of tears. Apparently she had just found out her boyfriend was cheating on her and had poured a glass of wine over his head. After taking a few minutes to make sure the girl was alright, reassure her that she had done the right thing and should be proud of herself, she left to hurry back to Sam who would have been wondering where she'd got to, only to crash into the person who was coming out of the men's at the same time. 'Mercedes? Wow! You're looking really great!"

She looked up to see it was none other than Finn Hudson. His hair was damp and so was his shirt which still showed traces of red wine even though he'd done his best to scrub it off. How she'd been so crazy over him was a mystery because right now he just looked like a rapidly ageing loser. "Finn!" She forced a smile, immediately having put two and two together. "How's Rachel? You guys must be married by now."

He shook his head and feigned sadness. "It didn't work. She always knew that whatever she said or did she would always be under the shadow of my feelings for you."

_Really? Where the hell does this guy get off?_

"That's a shame. Because i got over my feelings for your lying cheating arse a long time ago!" She gave him the finger, but it was the third finger on her left hand that she used, and in a rare moment of perfection the diamond on the solitaire engagement ring caught the light and made it glimmer majestically.

The shock on Finn's face was evident. He'd clearly assumed she would be alone and he could swoop back into wherever they were before without resistance. He was still speechless when she made a move to leave. "Would love to stay and talk but my wonderful non-cheating _fiancée _is waiting for me because I've already been gone far too long."

She turned to leave before turning back to him. "Oh and Finn?" Her voice was low and deceptively sweet.

He'd barely finished moving his head to look at her when the flat of her hand connected loudly with his cheek. Before he even had a chance to react to the slap she hissed at him "That's for the poor girl stuck in the toilets crying her eyes out because you can't keep it in your pants! And this-" He was too busy clutching his burning cheek to brace himself against the swift knee in the balls that she gave him "-is from me and my fiancée. I don't know why you said the things you did about him but the truth was never going to stay hidden forever. _You're_ the liar! _You're_ the cheater. _You're_ the marriage wrecker! And _he_ made you best man at _his wedding_ for fuck sake!"

She saw the realisation start to dawn in his eyes of what she knew and who she was engaged to, but she wasn't going to waste another second of her time on the man who had tried to end her and Sam before they'd even started. She walked away with her head high, pretending that her hand didn't sting like hell from the bitch slap she had just given Finn. By the time she made it back to her seat, Sam was standing, about to come and search for her himself. He shot her a concerned look as she sat down and flexed her sore hand. "Is everything okay?"

She smiled. "Perfect." She quickly relayed what had happened and Sam laughed. "If you want to have your own piece of him he's probably still in the men's putting a cold compress on his gonads!"

Sam simply continued laughing and shook his head before taking her hands in his and kissing them. "Other than the fact that it would have been amazing to have been a fly on the wall while you did all everything you just said you did, I really couldn't give a shit about that guy anymore. He's not worth my time and I definitely don't want to waste a single second of tonight being with him instead of you!"

_How the hell have I ended up landing such a perfect man!_

"Mercedes, the car's outside!" Her mum's voice drifted up the stairs, shaking her from her thoughts and memories and her heart leaped. _It was finally happening. It was REALLY happening!_

"Cedes? Are you okay? You keep daydreaming" Santana was looking at her and she smiled back at her and nodded.

"Never better. But can you just give me a couple of minutes? Tell mum I'll be right down. I'm not going to run, I just need to write in my diary."

Santana looked at her friend and the leather bound book that was in front of her with a sigh. "Okay, but I'm taking the key to the window and after five minutes I'm barging in without knocking."

Mercedes smiled. "It's a deal!"

"Come on then!" An uncharacteristically calm Santana took Emily by the hand and led her out of the room.

The first thing she did was open the drawer and retrieve the little plastic stick that she had slipped in there when she'd heard her mother approach after her bath. The thin blue line was clearly evident and again her heart raced with excitement. It had taken all of her willpower not to share the news with anyone but there was someone that she wanted to be the first to know. Her wedding gift to her husband. Taking a piece of random wrapping paper she quickly wrapped it and sealed it with tape, stashing it at the bottom of her clutch. That precious piece of plastic was not going to leave her side all day!

Next she pulled out her pen, crossed out the couple of lines she'd written earlier and started writing on a fresh page.

_Dear Diary_

_Weight: 150lb_

_Cigarettes: Long since given up_

_Alcohol units: None for the next nine months... ;o)_

_I finally made it! Today is the day! All those years of heartache, drama, and sadness, all those men who were alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobics, peeping Toms, meglomaniacs, emotional fuckwits and perverts... today a huge fat line is drawn underneath it all and a new section of my life begins._

_In forty five minutes I will be walking down the aisle towards the man who has made my life complete. I can't believe I'm saying this because I never would have believed I would find a man that could make me feel this way, but I have. Yes I'm good on my own. I'm fucking great on my own! But when it comes to Sam, we're better together._

_And I can't wait to tell him my news. We agreed to start trying for a baby as soon as we get married but it seems mother nature has other plans. I couldn't be happier and I know he will be too._

_Today is going to be perfect. I will NOT trip on my train as I walk down the aisle. I will NOT sob so hard during my vows that I lose the power of speech and keep everybody waiting, and Tina and I are going to make damn sure that Santana ends up catching the bouquet, even if that means attaching magnets to the flowers and the front of her bridesmaid dress._

She was interrupted by a sudden knock at the door. "I don't know why I'm saying this, but this is your one minute warning. Your mum's having kittens with the photographer at the bottom of the stairs and I need to come down behind you and help you with your train."

"Thanks Santana. You're the best!" Mercedes released a long slow shaky breath.

_So this is it! The culmination of months of venue hunting, invitation selecting, favour choosing, place setting quandries, flower selections, cake tastings and dress fittings._

_This is Mercedes Jones signing off. I am no longer a tragic spinster. I am a woman taking her first steps towards a future full of love, family and happiness and from hereon in, I will now be signing my diary with the name of my future._

_Mrs Mercedes Evans._

_This is my happy ending!_

*** THE END ***


	16. 2nd Epilogue: One Year Later

**_I had a couple of hours where I needed a distraction so I decided to write Sam's POV for those who asked. After this I really am done with fanfiction for good._**

* * *

The still silence of the dark night was suddenly broken by the sound of a tiny cry coming through the crackly baby monitor. Sam felt Mercedes shift in his arms as she groaned but it wasn't her turn. "Don't worry, I'll go!"

She shook her head, eyes still closed, grasping desperately at sleep. "You have court in the morning Sam. I'll just sleep later…"

Her words drifted with exhaustion and he placed a small kiss on her cheek as he pulled himself up. "I was already awake going over my closing statement. There's still some of your milk in the fridge right?"

She moved her head in a tiny nod and he saw that she didn't have the energy to fight him. "There should be one left. Your son's inherited your insatiable appetite for food. I'll express more after his morning feed."

The wail coming from the small speaker became more insistent and Sam swung his feet over the side of the bed and stood before Mercedes could beat him to it. Little Lucas had been ill with croup which had meant that instead of being tucked away the little hotel in Brighton that he'd booked for their first anniversary, they'd spent the night in A+E after fearing for the baby's breathing. Thankfully after a night stay and treatment he'd recovered quickly but Mercedes was exhausted with worry and he wanted her to rest as much as possible knowing he couldn't take much more time off work. There would be other weekends they could go away. Parenthood was turning out to be a steep learning curve.

Entering his son's room he picked up the kicking child and held him against his chest and attempted to shush him. "Hey there! We heard you the first time little man!"

Initially he started to settle before realizing Sam had no breasts, which meant he wasn't his mother, and therefore resumed his screams. With a smile Sam stroked his son's back in soothing circles and carried him to the kitchen where he could warm his feed.

Once little Luke was settled, sucking loudly at his bottle, he smiled at his son who stared up at him with the same huge brown eyes as Mercedes and took a moment to ponder over how his life had changed. The last year had gone by like a whirlwind. Marriage had never been on the cards for him until he'd met Mercedes. Until then it had been stashed away in the box labeled 'been there, done that, never gonna get burned again' located in the deepest darkest recesses of his heart. But then something about her had drawn him.

She was nothing like his first wife. He'd met Liu the day of his bar exam. Even though he'd seen her several times before he'd never had the opportunity to speak to her. She was always so studious and focused but that day for a change she'd been wild and care free. It was amazing what the combination of alcohol and the feeling of there being nothing left in your power that you could do to influence your future now that your papers had gone off to be marked that made even the most straight laced person hang loose.

They'd stayed in touch after that, eventually ending up being employed by the same law firm where endless working hours had driven them together to the point where they joined in everyone else's assumption they were a permanent item. After all, there was no time for a social life or to date anyone else. Then when he returned to the UK and she came with him it seemed like the logical and decent thing to do was to marry her. How was he to know that Finn Hudson wasn't the better person that he'd made himself out to be? Sam had always been wary of him as a child, but as their parents had thrown them together so much as children, he went along with the friendship, despite knowing it was definitely a lopsided one. When he came back to the UK, Finn seemed to have his life together and things were better between them, but clearly that was all a façade. Liu said she'd been homesick and Finn had been there to comfort her. Only Finn's brand of condolence involved a far different form of comfort.

It devastated him. Sam believed in marriage. He believed in it being a commitment for life. He saw his children in her eyes and envisioned them growing old together. But clearly he was the only one who took it seriously and it devastated him.

Six months later he hadn't expected Liu to show up at his door like she had, but she did. She didn't look so great. Things hadn't worked out between her and Finn and she was heading back to America. She was sorry for the hurt that she'd caused him and wanted to make the apology in person. He knew that if he'd been willing she probably would have offered to try again, but his heart was nowhere near healed and there was no way that he was going to put himself through that again. He'd always known it would never last with Liu and Finn. He didn't do it because he wanted her. He simply did it because he didn't want Sam to have her. Knowing she was also a victim did lessen the bitterness slightly, but it didn't stop him from resolving never to allow himself to get hurt like that again.

That's why Mercedes had been a total surprise. He was focused on his work and was as good as he was because of _not _being distracted by women. Then, after standing around at the world's most boring party, wondering why in his mid-thirties he still had to put himself through things like that during the holidays simply to appease his parents, he'd instantly sensed a kindred spirit. From the second she walked through the door, everything about her screamed that she didn't belong there even though it was her own parent's home. At first it had been curiosity, but within seconds it had turned into sexual attraction. She went against everything that was usually pushed in front of him and he lapped it up. Curves that would keep him busy for days, eyes that were expressive rather than dead and a natural unforced smile that just killed him. The fact that she also suffered from verbal vomit also appealed to him. It was like she had the ability to actually say the things that simply ran through his head while he kept a serious expression. What he would have given to be as uninhibited and liberated as her! How could he not fall in love?

And now here he was, married for the second time and now with the family he'd always dreamed of. Looking down he smiled at Luke's eyes which were now closed. He was now barely sucking at the bottle and was moments away from complete sleep. Sam too shut his eyes for a moment and thought back to the happiest day of his life. His first wedding had been his mother's dream. With no family in the country she had taken Liu under her wing and the poor woman had been too polite to say no. The result was a very beautiful but formal day.

Mercedes, who had dreamed of being married for years wasn't going to allow anyone to try and take over her special day and he was eternally thankful. In contrast to the sterile atmosphere of his first, their wedding was genuinely a day of joy, happiness and laughter. There were the formalities without it feeling stuffy and formal. They interacted with their guests, took funny photographs, both fluffed up their vows, breaking into fits of uncontrollable giggles and Sam managed to drop the ring before he could get it onto her finger, resulting in a huge scramble on the church floor! There was no time to be nervous this time round when there was so much laughter. Even his parents lightened up and managed to enjoy themselves.

_There were several highlights of the day, seeing Mercedes appear at the end of the aisle in her stunning dress, her eyes never leaving his as she practically dragged her father up the aisle with her in her hurry to reach him. The way she squeezed his hand in an attempt to stop her giggles which only resulted in making him laugh with her. They way that, after weeks of practicing keeping a straight face as his name was read out, she emitted the loudest snort in the world and her eyes creased with laughter when he was forced to repeat his full name, Samuel Eugene Horatio Evans for all and sundry to hear._

_But the main highlight had been after everyone else had gone. She'd been dizzy with excitement but when they finally got the privacy of their bridal suite she really started buzzing, wasting no time in showing him her something old, something new and something borrowed._

_"What about your something blue?"_

_She didn't reply. Instead she pulled him close and kissed him. "Sam, I love you. I have one last special gift for you that I've saved for tonight."_

_"You saved the something blue for tonight?" He raised his eyebrow and grinned naughtily. "Is it a blue movie?"_

_She elbowed him in the ribs as she laughed and shot him a mock disgusted look. "Don't go getting any ideas. Your gift is in my bag. It's something so precious I've been carrying it around with me all day._

_Sam quickly went and retrieved her bag, flicking through the contents until he found the small rectangular hastily wrapped packet. "This?"_

_She nodded and he quickly began to open it. "I hope you haven't been spending money again Mercedes!"_

_"Money? This is a gift from love, and we both know love doesn't cost a thing!"_

_Sam didn't reply. He was too busy staring at the blue line on the stick that was currently in his quivering hand. "Mercy, you… you're…"_

_She barely finished nodding before he'd pulled her into his arms and kissed her. "This is perfect! This is brilliant! I love you so much! This is the best wedding gift ever!"_

_"I know!"_

_He stared at it again in wonder. "How long?"_

_"I think about six weeks. I've started being sick already!"_

_"Oh Mercedes! And today was so stressful!"_

_"No it wasn't stressful at all! Today's been fun. I haven't laughed so much in long time and I suspect your parents might be a bit worried about your choice of bride."_

_"No. They're fine. I haven't seen them both let their hair down like that in a long time. It's done them good!"_

_"I hope so."_

_Suddenly he chuckled. "I can't believe you've been walking round with a pee covered stick in your bag all day!"_

_"But you're not finding it gross now!"_

_"That's because I'm already more than intimately acquainted with your body! Plus it's probably sterile by now."_

_"I wanted you to be the first to know Sam. I haven't even told my mum yet. This is something just for us. Just for tonight. It's been the hardest thing in the world to keep it to myself today when everyone's been cracking jokes about placing bets on when I'll get pregnant."_

_He remembered the jokes well and they'd made him quite indignant. Suddenly he paused and looked at her hard. "I knew it! That's why I thought your champagne tasted funny when we did the toast and drank from each other's glasses!"_

_"Ha! Yes! That's because it was Schloer! I needed something sparkling in my glass to avoid questions. I only pretended to sip from yours although a tiny sip won't make any difference."_

_Gently stroking her belly he kissed her again. "Congratulations Mrs Evans!"_

_"Oooh I like the sound of that! Congratulations husband!" She slowly pushed his jacket back off his shoulders, "Do you want to know what one of the strongest effects of this pregnancy is?"_

_"What?"_

_"It's making me feel turned on all the time!"_

_"Really? Now that's something I might just be able to help you with."_

_"I should hope so Mr Evans, because last time I checked this was definitely my wedding night…"_

Sam slipped the now sleeping baby back into his cot before climbing back into bed with his wife. Mercedes was always so soft and warm and the best part of having to get up was always the climbing back in and snuggling back down. Every day he reminded himself of the fact that biting down his pride and admitting his feelings for this quirky beautiful individual was the best decision he'd ever made in his life.

* * *

"Whatever you do Sam, keep your jacket on at all times today!"

He stared up at Rory who was casting a critical eye over him. "Why?"

"Coz you have dried baby _stuff_ on you."

"What? Where?" Sam looked down and there indeed, right along the buttons was a trail of something white and crusty which could have been anything from milk, to baby vomit to toothpaste. Being immaculate was so much harder these days. "I'll be back in two minutes!"

He returned with a damp shirt and a buttoned jacket and Rory laughed. "You look tired. Up in the night were we? Is it the croup again?"

"No, just a feed. Mercedes was tired so I let her sleep."

"Just you wait until there's more than one. Then it'll be a case of 'The defense apologises for the unkempt appearance of their representative, Your Honour. He has recently become a father for the third time in three years and is still struggling to negotiate that fine line between contempt in the family and contempt in court!'"

"Not three in three years!"

"Why not? You already had a shotgun wedding and you've both got some catching up to do!"

"I think two will suit us just fine, like you guys. You're happy just as you are aren't you?"

"I wouldn't count on it! Suddenly Sugar's desperate to have a little girl and there's only so many times I can play the 'I'm Tired' card before she seduces me anyway!"

Sam chuckled. "I'm sure you hate it when that happens!"

"Oh, it's _terrible._"

* * *

"Sam! You're early!"

"We finished sooner than expected in chambers so I figured you might need a hand for tonight."

"Standing by the door staring and by backside while I bend at the oven isn't what I call helping!"

"It might not be helping. But I'm _definitely_ enjoying the view!"

She scowled and threw a chopped carrot top at him as he laughed and crossed the kitchen to kiss her. "Is Luke still down for his nap?"

"Yep. He's got about fifteen more minutes then I'll go and get him."

Sam sniffed the air. "The lamb's smelling good!"

"It's a shame Kurt's going to miss it. He just called to say his partner booked surprise theatre tickets for them for a show that closes this month and he didn't connect that it was for the same night as tonight!"

"Oh well, his loss, more meat for me! Plus Rory says that one of the boys seems to be coming down with something so he might have to come without Sugar."

"Wow they're all dropping like flies. Maybe we're not destined to have a smug married dinner after all!"

"Oh it'll happen. Artie and Tina are still coming right?"

"Right. And I have juicy gossip on that front!"

"Gossip? Do share!"

"Tina's pregnant!"

"Noooo!"

"Yeeees! She's so thrilled she's telling everbody! But Artie doesn't know that we know so we can't let on, okay?"

"Great! Thanks for putting me in the middle of that one! You know I'm rubbish with secrets!"

"Well here's another secret that the worst kept one in the world. Quinn's asked to bring someone and you'll never guess who it is!"

"Please don't tell me she's back with Rory's brother. That whole thing was just awkward. Hooking up at a wedding is never a good idea even if it did make Quinn lighten up for the first time in her life."

"Nope Seamus is still safe."

"So who is it then? Someone I know? You know I hardly see her now since she got her new job."

Mercedes simply smiled and stirred the pan of sauce that she was making for her trademark sticky toffee pudding. "I'll give you a huge clue. It's someone who's already coming tonight."

Sam frowned. He'd already accounted for everyone that was coming. The only person who was coming solo was Santana but- "Noooo!" This was turning out to be his standard reply to all the shocking gossip his wife seemed to churn out.

"Yeeees! Apparently Santana's been helping her get in tune with her bisexual side and their attraction has turned out to be to each other!"

"But. _Quinn_?"

"Come on. You have to admit those two hit it off right from the start. I guess there were things they both kept hidden from us. I heard from Tina that they hooked up at Tina's wedding three months ago and have been inseperable since!"

Sam's mind was reeling! How on earth did Mercedes keep up with all this gossip!

She sighed and leaned into him. "Okay so… the starters are in the fridge, the meat is in the oven. The vegetables are prepared and the sauce for pudding is done. My husband is home early and the baby is due to sleep a little longer. I wonder what I could possibly find to do with the extra time?"

Sam pulled her close so that she could feel exactlly what was going on in his trousers. "Well Mrs Evans, I may just have a not so little proposition for you…"


End file.
